Holiday Inn

Hello World, It's summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime! Of course, it isn't anything like summertime, not by a long shot - in fact, in this area, it would first have to gain at least 40 degrees, just to get as warm as it was in March, for heaven's sake, and make anyone start to think about summer on the horizon. However, it truly is Memorial Day weekend, which is widely recognized as the unofficial start of the summer season, and we've certainly got all the fun-in-the-sun sales and movie blockbusters to show for it, by golly. And while it does no good to complain about the weather, heaven knows, it must be said that this has been just the worst month for being cold and wet that I can remember in a good long time, and all the more outrageous for being ostensibly the merry, merry month of May, long beloved of singers and poets for its blue skies and balmy breezes. All the hefty bedclothes and outerwear that were packed away two months ago, have been frantically yanked out of mothballs and pressed into service once again, trundling into the teeth of some of the most inclement weather we've had all year, including the dead of winter, and it goes without saying, thanks so very much not. If this is anyone's idea of Spring, I say the heck with it, and let me make it perfectly clear that I am unanimous in that. So, how about I'll Have Another once again storming out of the backstretch to nip Bodemeister at the wire, winning the Preakness in dramatic fashion, and thrilling the Pimlico throng in the process. And what a tantalizing prospect, collecting the first two gems in the Triple Crown, and leading people to wonder if this might actually be the year that we finally see a new Triple Crown winner emerge for the first time since the long ago bygone days of 1978. They're going wild at the Belmont, as everyone in the world wants to be on hand to see history in the making, and anybody who can jump on this bandwagon - from the sponsors, to the media, the merchandisers, the concessions, politicians, celebrities and front-runners of all descriptions - they are ready to ride this pony as far as it will take them. Personally, I wouldn't trust the malevolent spirit of Affirmed as far as I could throw it, and too many horses have already gotten this far and failed, so while I wish I'll Have Another every success, I have to say that I wouldn't go printing up those Triple Crown souvenir T-shirts just yet. Alert readers may recall that Bill and I went to see the new Avengers movie last week, and enjoyed it enormously, which is about the only way you can enjoy a large-scale spectacle of this sort, I suppose. It turns out that because Bill bought the tickets online using his smart phone, we were entitled to a free MP3 download of a song from the movie soundtrack, which I thought was a nice touch. Frankly, the movie didn't seem to have a lot of music to speak of, not like modern movies often do, where they play contemporary songs throughout the story, presumably to make the soundtrack album more enticing to young audiences. I thought The Avengers had a very dramatic score (of course, the dinosaurs and I can't help but recall the movie magic of Erich Korngold and his sweeping orchestral arrangements in the background of countless vintage films) but very little in the way of popular music along the way, except over the closing credits. The selection in question turned out to be Comeback by Redlight King, and it was entertaining enough, and the price was certainly right. So that was an extra added bonus to a movie that we already liked, and we didn't even have to fight off legions of demonic alien hordes for it, like the beleaguered Avengers had to, so that was even better. And speaking of better days ahead, I can see that time's a-wasting here, and no time to lose in getting ready for our holiday plans and seasonal events before it's too late, because after all, June is just around the corner. Yes, it's really true that I was at church to drop off some papers on Tuesday, which was May 22, and discovered to my chagrin, the very first of our yuletide mailings for the spirit of Christmas yet to come, and I don't mind saying, thanks oh so very much not, and not to mention, bah humbug and plenty of it. This was from our friends at Bronner's Christmas Wonderland in Frankenmuth, Michigan of all places (and please feel free to go right ahead and visit their web site at www.bronners.com and see for yourself) who thought we would appreciate getting an early jump on the season with their assortment of holiday ornaments, and which we were invited to customize to our hearts content - that is, as long as we wanted a minimum of 200 of exactly the same thing. Heck, if they sent out this catalog any earlier, we could easily be ordering them in time to be Easter ornaments instead, which is an innovation that I'm sure the nice folks at Bronner's would be all too happy to endorse, by golly. And that's not just a lot of mistletoe and holly berries, believe me. In fact, they have a very nice frosted glass ornament with a couple of snowmen in a horse-drawn sleigh, but I'm afraid that's all it would take to summon the evil ghost of Affirmed back from the great beyond, and it would be just one more Triple Crown down the tubes all over again. Or should I say, I'll Have Another! Elle

Beach Ball

Hello World, Happy May tidings to all! I hope that your May days have indeed been worthy of song, and all that could be hoped for, and even more yet still. Of course, Mother's Day was Sunday, and I don't know about where you are, but in this area, we could not have asked for more glorious weather, it could not have been improved upon in any way. That's saying a lot around here, where it had rained every day of the month up to then, so this was a fortuitous change in the conditions that came along at just the right moment. And while we all know that the cats certainly can't be counted on for gifts, with Bill's impeccable help, there was plenty to appreciate in the way of apparel, technology and snacks, as well as another brand new watch. Everyone knows how I go through watches like a house afire, so this was a welcome addition indeed, and not to mention, in plenty of time for camping, where a lighted watch is of utmost necessity in the wilderness. So I may get lost in the woods, but at least I'll know what time it is, by golly. The hockey playoffs have moved into the next round, as the pride of Broadway finally bested the pesky Capitals in the 7th game, which was another tight game that could have gone either way, just like the rest of the series. I'm telling you, the people who sell antacids must have been doing a land-office business through the first two rounds of the playoffs already. The divisional series is now underway with the Rangers and Devils all knotted up at one game apiece in the East, while Los Angeles has Phoenix over a 3-0 barrel in the West. Somehow the 8th place Kings have certainly been the buzz-saw of the playoffs so far, winning all of their series handily, even against the top two teams in their division. Frankly, the way things have been going, I'm not liking the Rangers' chances against them all that much, if they do meet up in the Cup finals after all. But first, I see that the local sports pundits are calling the NY-NJ match-up a "tunnel series" rather than a "subway series" like they do in baseball, presumably because there is no subway that goes from New York to New Jersey, while the Lincoln and Holland tunnels do exactly that. So score one for the wags, and let me just say that when it comes to tunnels, I'll take Manhattan. Besides just Mother's Day, this turned into quite the busy week for us, with arts and entertainment coming to the forefront on more than one occasion. On Tuesday, we caught up with the Beach Boys on their 50th anniversary tour, believe it or not, at the County Center in nearby White Plains, of all places. To our way of thinking, this is not exactly the rock and roll destination from those harmonious days of yore, like the Fillmore East or even Shea Stadium, so we figured how could we not go, when they're basically right in our backyard at a very cozy venue, which can only be described as wildly out of proportion to the band's stature as an American legend. Anyone who tells you that they're over the hill and can't put on a good show, well, don't you believe it. And if the tour gets anywhere near where you are, and you have a chance to buy seats - run, don't walk, to the nearest ticket office and snap them up as quick as you can. It was a great show, with all of the favorites that anyone could hope for, from the big hits of the oldest, moldiest early days to the more recent selections from their new album, plus a few unexpected numbers tossed in for good measure. You can believe me when I say that anybody who wasn't on their feet at the end, dancing and singing along to Help Me, Rhonda would have to be declared legally dead. I can tell you that the 3-hour show seemed to fly by, and when it was over, I was hoarse as a frog, while they still sounded as fresh as a bunch of teenagers out on a street corner from days gone by. There was toe-tapping Fun, Fun, Fun from one end to the other, and we couldn't help but be impressed by the arena's acoustics, as well as its high-tech lighting displays. They put the "Jumbotron" screen to good use throughout, with entertaining pictures and videos to accompany each song, including vintage effects like tie-dye and psychedelic designs from back in the day. Of special mention must be their endearing tributes to past band and family members Carl and Dennis Wilson, which were so sweet, and particularly appropriate during their 50th anniversary jubilee. Easily my favorite moment of the entire show came about in a most unexpected way. Obviously, with fifty years of hit records under their belts, most of the songs needed no introduction, the opening chords were all that it took to get the crowd screaming and stamping their feet. So it was out of the ordinary when Mike Love suddenly let fly this rather unconventional announcement: "We'd like to dedicate this next song to all of the men and women in uniform, who serve so gallantly and tirelessly, on behalf of people like us all over the country, who appreciate everything they do for us ... " [Applause and cheers] Then he continued, somewhat hesitantly: " ... Well, women in uniform, anyway ... " [More applause and whistles] Finally he shrugged and admitted: " ... Okay, cheerleader uniforms ... " Here they launched into Be True To Your School with its rollicking "sis-boom-bah" chorus, while the entire place dissolved into hysterics. It may be all too true that I am easily amused, but I can assure you that every single person in that room was laughing and clapping just like me. Nobody could say that they didn't get their money's worth out of the whole experience, and the entire band worked extremely hard to make 4,000 people very happy. They really weren't kidding when they said, "Catch a wave, and you're sitting on top of the world." Then on Thursday, it was the new Avengers movie, which we opted to see in the new 3-D format known as Real-D, which is digitally enhanced to provide remarkable depth and be more realistic. After all, nothing matters to me more than genuine realism when it comes to watching cartoon super heroes, by golly. Many people might find this movie extremely loud and overwhelming, but I can tell you that it certainly never lags, and nobody is going to fall asleep in the theater, believe me. The special effects are about the most spectacular you're ever going to see anywhere, especially in 3-D, and there's no time to nitpick over trivial flaws along the way, as it races from one eye-popping sequence to another. Anyone who had already seen the Iron Man or Thor movies would know what to expect from those characters - in fact, not seeing at least "Thor" would put someone at a serious disadvantage when his evil brother Loki shows up to wreak havoc on humanity, seemingly out of the blue. It has obviously been carefully assembled on a massive scale, and somehow with none of the laughably banal dialogue that plagues many action films (Star Wars chief among them) which was a refreshing surprise in this day and age. The interplay between the characters was excellent, and all of the actors were first-rate, especially Mark Ruffalo, nothing short of a revelation in the deceptively understated part of Bruce Banner. Something else that was unexpectedly successful, instead of the usual movie popcorn, we took a chance on the concession stand's new personal pizza, of all things, and found it an enjoyable change of pace. It may not exactly be the food of the gods, but frankly, the way things turned out with Loki, it's probably just as well. Elle

Past Imperfect

Hello World, Happy May! It seems like the month has just started, and yet here we are, almost at the halfway mark already. It's easy enough to complain about the weather, heaven knows, which has been chilly and raining the entire month so far, but with the way things are going elsewhere, I have a whole new standard of climate criteria, and now I figure that any week without tornados is a good one in my book. On the local scene, at last the stately chestnuts have burst into bloom, with their lovely cascades of creamy white blossoms, and always a special treat that is far too brief. Now we can't help but wonder, can the mountain laurel be far behind, its tender pink buds popping open like tiny delicate parachutes in profusion, and as welcome as the very breath of spring that they represent. Speaking of new, with the completion of the porch project, and its stout and sturdy underpinnings, we figured that we could remove the barricades from in front of the French doors in the living room, that heretofore would have prevented any unwary wanderer from venturing out onto the old sagging porch, where the relentless pull of gravity would not have been their friend, and they might have suddenly found themselves buried in the labyrinths of the crawl space underneath, and none too happy about it, I can assure you. Now the unobstructed view of the shiny new porch is a sight to behold, and endlessly appealing to those of us who remember the old ratty porch all too well. But we were surprised to find it even more popular among the household felines who had never seen out those doors before, and were now glued to its diamond-shaped panes by the steady stream of visiting cats, birds, squirrels, dogs, raccoons, possums, or skunks parading by at all hours across the porch in their travels. Of course, we already have Bird TV where the feeders hang in the garden, so we call this The Porch Channel. In sports news, the plucky Knicks were eliminated in the first round by the Miami Heat as expected, but at least they weren't swept out in four games, and managed to win one to salvage some of their dignity. Hopeful fans look forward to brighter days ahead, as the team continues to build on its success from this season and into the future. And at least they fared better than the hapless Dallas Mavericks, unceremoniously swept out of the way by the Oklahoma City Thunder, making this one of the worst title defense seasons in NBA history, as the Mavs squeaked into the playoffs at 7th seed, with a woeful 36-34 record, and were no match for the mighty Thunder at 51-19. Heck, even the Knicks did better than that, finishing the regular season at 37-33, and won a playoff game at home to thrill their legion of faithful fans at the world's most famous arena. So it's "wait until next year" in the world of local hoops, which should give everyone plenty of time to come up with a whole new collection of atrocious puns based on Jeremy Lin's last name. Honestly, you'd think he was the only player on the entire team - but of course, that would make it a "Lin-opoly," after all. Meanwhile in hockey, what a topsy-turvy playoff picture this has developed into. In the first round, where the top teams play the bottom teams, and the results should be predictably easy, all the series seemed to drag on for 7 grueling games, with plenty of overtime all around. The second round, where the survivors are more evenly matched, and should be long and arduous, instead turned out to be practically all blowouts, with one 4-game sweep, and two others went a mere 5 games each. Only the Rangers and Capitals slugged it out for 7 full games, which is about the last thing you would expect from the number one seed in the playoffs. But this has really not been your grandfather's playoffs, not by any means, and right from the start. The surprise of the West, the 8th place Los Angeles Kings handily knocked off the #1 Vancouver Canucks and #2 St. Louis Blues in decisive fashion - a feat that had never been accomplished before in playoff history, while the dratted Capitals are threatening to do the same in the East. If the regular season proved anything, it proved that the regular season means nothing once the playoffs start, and if the playoffs prove anything, I have yet to figure that one out. So the chase for Lord Stanley's Cup might quickly become a thing of the past around here, and we might all be sitting around and watching The Porch Channel a lot sooner than we expected. Obviously we can't wrap up our sports report without a nod to I'll Have Another, the upset winner of the 138th Kentucky Derby, and as Cinderella stories go, this one certainly qualifies. The unsung colt, with jockey Mario Gutierrez in his rookie season, went off at 15-1 odds from Position 19, where no horse has ever won the Derby in its entire history until now. At the end, he easily outran the favorite Bodemeister to win by 1-1/2 lengths - in spite of the pedigree behind the favorite, being trained by Derby darling Bob Baffert, and ridden by previous Derby winner Mike Smith. So here's a mint julep toast for I'll Have Another, and now it's off to Maryland for the Preakness in the next leg of the journey to the Triple Crown, where I wish him every success. He may as well enjoy it while he can, because as we all know, it won't be long before the malevolent ghost of Affirmed once again rears his ugly head from the beyond, to make sure nobody wins the Triple Crown again. You can just go right ahead and ask War Emblem if you don't believe me. Speaking of a blast from the past, last week an affronted coworker stomped into my office, spluttering in consternation, and demanded to know when the yellow blinking light had been removed from the intersection by the Emergency Room, without his being aware of it, or apparently without his permission. He obviously considered this a brazen act of underhanded skullduggery, and had worked himself up to a state of rare high dudgeon, even for his own self - and you can believe me when I say that his dudgeon is usually pretty high to start with. Faced with his apoplectic opinion on the subject, I sidestepped the issue as diplomatically as possible, and was certainly not going to tell him everything I knew, but allowed that he had every reason to take umbrage at this cruel twist of fate that was perpetrated behind his back. He went on and on at length in an aggrieved manner, and I tried my best to be empathetic and suitably aghast at this turn of events. Of course, the joke was on him, although I doubt if he would have appreciated it at the time. Alert readers may recall my note from the dusty archives of September 17, 2010 (you can go right ahead and look that up, I'll wait ..... doo-bee-doo-bee-doo ..... dum-dee-dum-dee-dum ..... fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ..... ) or just about a full 21 months ago, when I was flummoxed by the same exact situation: =========================== Speaking of airborne elements, at an intersection near the hospital, there has historically been a blinking yellow traffic light, on the road that leads to the Emergency Room, presumably to clear the way for emergency vehicles racing to our doors on their life-saving missions of mercy, although I personally have to say that I have never seen anyone pay the slightest bit of attention to it in all the years that it has been there, blinking happily away in its unsung safety efforts nonetheless. I have always found this light to be very helpful, not necessarily from a traffic standpoint, but in terms of giving directions to visitors trying to find the hospital ..... In fact, I was still doing that recently, when Jean, our irrepressible bookkeeper - with unassailable proof of just how true it is that no one pays any attention to that light - pointed out to me that there is no longer any blinking light in that intersection, and in fact, there hasn't been one for over a year. I found that a little hard to swallow, until I went back outside and verified for myself that not only is there no blinking light there anymore, but there aren't even any poles or wires to hang one on, even if they wanted to. =========================== So, to say that my disgruntled coworker was behind the times on this matter, would be putting it mildly, since according to our colleague's reckoning, it had been gone since 2009 at least, and along with the poles and wires for it to boot. Frankly, it was a little hard for me to get all worked up about this a second time, especially almost two years after I first found out about it, which itself was over a year since the actual disappearance of the signal. But I will admit, if somewhat guiltily, that I had a good laugh about it at my coworker's expense, although of necessity, in the privacy of my own closet, so as not to expose the secret. And the next time I need an instant update on a situation that is two years old, I certainly know where to turn for the latest developments from the old and moldy distant past, thanks to our news-hound "Scoop," always last with the story. Once again, the time had rolled around for the Open Days program sponsored by the Garden Conservancy, where exclusive private estates are opened to the public, to view their beautiful gardens and spacious grounds. We had been last year at this same time, since Bill had been invited as a reward for his conscientious work at engraving plant identification tags by the hundreds, and at a gallop, just barely in time for last year's event. We were so overwhelmed at the landscaping marvel of this lavish 55-acre retreat, that we were looking forward to visiting again when Open Days had their fall series in November. Not so fast! What happened instead was that freak Halloween snowstorm, which caused so much damage all across the estate, that they reluctantly shelved the whole idea, and spent months of rigorous effort getting the place in shape for the spring. So we were glad for a chance to go back there, although we found that having it on Sunday rather than Saturday was less convenient for us, and the weather was somewhat glowering and dank. But it must be said that it never slowed down the hordes of people who showed up in veritable droves, possibly three times as many as last year, including infants in arms and more strollers than you could shake a garden stake at. We discovered that even though the date was exactly the same as last year, unfortunately the hot weather in March worked against us this time, because all the specimens that had thrilled us so last year were now past flowering, and the late bloomers like roses, gladiolus and daylilies, hadn't started yet. As a result, the overall effect was much more subdued than previously, and the added crowds did nothing to enhance our experience, by golly. Of course, the exotic animals are always fascinating, and we got our fill of everything from antelopes to zebras, and more pink flamingos than you would see in an entire 1950's suburban neighborhood. They also have barns, which are not open to the public, so we couldn't see if they have horses or not, which was probably just as well. After all, we wouldn't want to summon the ghost of Affirmed, that's for sure. Elle

Living Large

Hello World, You know I say that any week that includes both May Day and Cinco de Mayo is a good one in my book, so that's exactly where we find ourselves at this point. I see that the May Day crowd has taken a page out of the Waitangi Day book, and decided to have riots besides the usual festivities. So here we have yet another international day of celebration that has turned controversial instead of being a time of revelry and frivolity, and joined the ranks of St. Patrick's Day and the World Cup in the celebration calaboose, where people can't even seem to commemorate special events without violence and lawsuits. Fortunately, Cinco de Mayo seems to be more of a "party hearty" sort of occasion, and controversy has yet to invade its delightful tequila-infused joviality. I'll have mine with a side of chocolate, por favor. Meanwhile, the extraordinary weather continues apace, in spite of being about as unpopular around here as the dratted Miami Heat right about now. (BOO!!!) We just slogged through a whole week of rain, that was not only colder than the previous week in April, but probably 40 degrees colder than the entire month of March, thanks not. Suddenly the spring birds are wondering if they should have stayed in Florida, and our poor spring flowers are looking around for ear muffs and sweaters. We even have some early buttercups coming up in the yard which is not easy around here, heaven knows, with our rampaging landscapers on the loose and nothing is safe. In fact, during one particularly rigorous clean-up effort around the place, they summarily tossed out our trusty old barbecue grill, so I said to Bill that if we want to invite people over, rather than asking them to bring their own bottle, or even bring their own hamburgers, we would have to ask them to bring their own barbecue grill instead. This is certainly not the way we would like to see things going, and the woeful Knicks are only part of it, believe me. Speaking of things that are not going the way they should, what hasn't been happening in the realm of local communications these days - ye gods, it's enough to make strong men weep. It all began innocently enough when I stumbled across this vendor in the hospital computer - ========================== WILEY BONGO 300 SCHUNNEMUNK CIRCLE TINTON FALLS, NJ 07753 ========================== There's probably nothing wrong with that address, in fact, I consider it pretty entertaining just the way it is. But there's just something serendipitous about a person named Bongo, living on a street called Schunnemunk, of all things, that just tickles the impish humor fairy in my poor addled brain - although I will admit that I am well-known for being easily amused. Another vendor in the hospital computer was listed this way - ========================== THE HOURNAL NEWS 1 GANNETT DRIVE WHITE PLAINS, NY 10604 ========================== Now, we subscribe to this paper at home, so I can assure you that its actual name is The Journal News and not The Hournal News, as it appears in the hospital's vendor files. Normally, this is where I would say that the computer department should know better, that is, until we received the following warning message from the IT Director her own self, concerning the encryption features on the hospital network - ==================================== Please note because of a problem with our emial encryption and spam filer software we must turn off these functions for outgoing mail for the rest of the day. ==================================== Ordinarily, I would like to think an IT professional would not come up with "emial" in place of "email," or use "spam filer" when they mean "spam filter," in a broadcast message to 1600 employees at four different facilities, but hey, they don't call it the employer of last resort for nothing, you know. Meanwhile, Bill fared no better in his computer experiences lately, if this is any indication - ==================================== Your practice demonstrated your effective utilization of wise mind to implement the skills observe and describe to recognize, identify and acknowledge not only the imbalance in you life but also your reduced sense of mastery. ==================================== He commented: "This is going to be a tough group, if that's the first sentence of the moderator's first response to one of the peoples' homework submissions!" I can't argue with him on that, in fact, the thought that spring immediately to mind is: "Yikes!" A recent horoscope from our friends at www.spiritvoyage.com was no improvement - =================================== On Tuesday, Pluto begins a retrograde period that will give you an opportunity to work through old, deeply-seeded taboo issues =================================== I'm afraid our rampaging landscapers have made short work of anything "deeply-seeded" in our lives, joining our erstwhile barbecue grill on the astrological scrap heap of retrograde taboos, and more's the pity, I'm sure. From the other side of the hard-working coin, I got this less-than-enticing spam message from an unknown source - =================================== You can work today comfortable from your home =================================== Hmmmm, no thank you so very much not, is what I'm thinking here. On the other hand, it was my new friends at MBLife that sent me the following note about a recent purchase - =================================== We hope that you would find this jewelry is beautiful and satisfy with our service. We are valued any comments from our customer for improving. Without any feedback, then we are hardly to know our standard and implementing any improvement goals. So your opinion is very important to continuous our business. Please spend few minutes on the survey and let us know your thought. We will give away the prize for FREE when you submit the feedback. We will response for the delivery service also. Please act now to catch this valuable chance! =================================== Ah, with friends like these, I certainly would not lack for translation mishaps to keep me entertained, that is, as long as they manage to continuous their business. Bill had no trouble topping that, when he happened upon this quixotic site in his quest for plant hangers - ==================================== Ultimate Deck Basket Hangers Never Drill in participate actively Your Deck Again These patented hangers are tall in behalf of autocratic maximum value rail planter and irreversibly decide very different common dilemma: "How do without I hang these things". Each pack iron will includes two (2) hangers. For shining example if you have four planters going on two inch incredibly dense on the part of four inch unprecedented broad prohibitively large rails, this order four packs. About Austram In 1983, Austram became the at first company in the US. participate actively to implement very different coconut fiber lined wire planter participate actively the n. American large consumer. Today we are an large-scale industry say-leader, offering to the vast majority complete assortment of color moss planters widely available. Our ln. just as soon includes wire trellises and arbors, fence edging, actively promoted stands, baker's racks and by far, by far any more. As we say-head into the be meticulous long, our mission this will be participate actively to continue steadily: "To market prohibitively large excellent quality, innovative decorative planters and planter accessories participate actively the n. American large consumer, while continuing our tradition of providing the highest to appreciate, best quality and service in the Lawn and Garden Industry." ==================================== Brother, you said a mouthful. It may have been a mouthful of gobbledygook, but by golly, it certainly sounded sincere as all get-out. And on behalf of the n. American large consumer, I'd like to say that you can't help but admire people who don't let obvious language barriers stand in the way of their very strong sense of initiative and single-minded purpose. Heck, anytime that I need actively promoted stands, I certainly know where to go. Finally, this last gem is from the fertile pen of columnist Phil Reisman, who does not stoop to gloating over the mistakes of others, but instead tells this story on himself - ====================================== A million years ago when I was covering cops, I filed a story about a desperate thief who died in the act of robbing a store. Referring to an autopsy report on the cause of death, I wrote that the man had been shot in the intestines. Only it didn't quite come out that way. Before the story went to print, a witty saboteur somehow got hold of the copy and replaced the word "colon" with "semicolon." Nobody caught it - and so readers that day were treated to a front-page article about a guy who died of punctuation wounds. Even in the best of circumstances, the semicolon is a tricky part of grammar. To be shot in one must be painful indeed, though no worse than having your dangling participle caught in a car door. Big joke. I never heard the end of it. Oh, I can laugh about it now. Ha, ha, ha. But back then I had no sense of humor. For months, I lived in dread that the great semicolon killing would end up in any of several journalism trade publications that regularly made fun of unfortunate mistakes that inevitably occur in the business. To my relief the semicolon affair never got the national ridicule it so richly deserved. [ Here he invites us all to visit http://www.ajr.org/take2.asp to enjoy one boneheaded embarrassment after another. ] ====================================== Well, I don't see any way to improve upon that, try as I might. Of course, they say that the pen is mightier than the sword, but as Phil points out, we still don't expect anyone to die of punctuation wounds. But now I see that it's time for me to participate actively my deck again, even though I can work today comfortable from my home, so I'd better act now to catch this valuable chance, or my name isn't - Wiley Bongo