Bowling For Supers
Hello World,
Happy February! So here we find ourselves at long last, smack dab on the brink of Super Bowl Weekend, and I hope that you have some suitably "Super" activities planned to commemorate the occasion. To my way of thinking, that would include playing XX Questions, having cocktails for II, being dressed to the IX's, getting down on all IV's, wishing you were sweet XVI and partying like it's MCMXCIX. After all, when in Rome, do as the Roman numerals do, or something like that. So get out there and high V and hang X! This is turning into a busy week ahead, and some odd kind of lunar cycle has managed to get all sorts of things happening at the same time. Before we all know it, we'll be coming up hard and fast on Chinese New Year, in fact, it's next Wednesday, and this will be the Year of the Rooster. In Nickelodeon Jr. magazine, they tell me to greet my Asian friends with Gong Xi Fa Cai, but if that's the best they can come up with, I'm sticking with Hong Kong Bok Choy, and they can lump it. But even before that, Tuesday will be Mardi Gras already, which means that there's no escaping the fact that Wednesday is also Ash Wednesday. Now I know what you're thinking: If Ash Wednesday is next week, when the heck is Easter? I hate to be an alarmist, but you will be looking on the calendar in April for Easter in vain, because it's in March this year, believe that or don't. And this is also the second time I can remember recently when Valentine's Day found itself in Lent, in a cruel twist of fate to chocolate-deprived Christians everywhere. Oh, the humanity! In the "better late than never" category, the time has surely come, and in fact it's long since past, that I should be thanking people for their wonderful Christmas cards. We were so happy to get your lovely card with the wonderful snowman and stars, plus that great picture. It was such a unique card and we really enjoyed it. Everyone knows that I'm nothing if not a stickler for accuracy around here, so it's always a pleasure when the opportunity presents itself to set the record straight, especially if I was the person who steered people wrong in the first place. I have been notified by alert readers (thanks, Deb!) that the Social Security Administration does not send out all of their horrible wage and benefit statements in the dead of winter, as a cruel joke on poor dispirited folks who are already cold and depressed. Apparently, the timing of these statements being mailed out is related to each individual's birthday, so that only people born in March, like me, are getting theirs in the middle of January, and no thank you very much! I'm sure that everyone will be relieved to hear that we did have our annual congregational meeting at church on the 30th, even though it wasn't Super Bowl Sunday, and it went off without a hitch. There were no controversies to speak of, the proposed budget passed with flying colors, and it did not degenerate into fist-fights and throwing things. Yes, things have really changed at church, and now even the faint-hearted can attend the annual meetings, which has not always been the case, believe me. Ah, how fondly we remember Henry Thoreau, with his clarion call of "simplify, simplify," and even all these years later, he wasn't far off the mark. I am reminded of this because of some slipper socks that Santa Claus brought me for Christmas, and which I can't even complain about, because I'm the one that picked them out. I thought they were cute, and had little animal faces on the side, like bunnies, ducks or puppies. I've come to realize that the faces are only on one side, so that if you want the design to show, you have to wear each one on the same foot each time, so the design is on the outside. Now, this is just a little bit too much pressure for me, and we all know that I don't deal well with stress, to have right-side socks and left-side socks, instead of your usual devil-may-care, any-old-which-way socks that we're used to. I don't mind saying that I can see trouble ahead on this, and no good can come of it. After long years of abuse, my hospital badge finally gave out, and wouldn't stay attached to the clip that holds it to my clothes. Because they use these picture I.D.s as a security device (you need them around the campus in many places with card readers to open doors, access medical equipment, or get into the parking lots) if you lose it, Personnel charges you $25 for a new one. But I was informed by a reliable source that if you still have your old, beat-up badge, and bring it with you to Personnel, they will make you up a new badge on the spot, lickety-split, with a smile and at no charge. Now I'm no fool, and even I wouldn't fall for that, so I called them first and verified that it was indeed the case. Then they said it was okay for me to come right over, and I rushed over there all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or at any rate something like that. I handed the nice lady my old badge, which she promptly cut in half with scissors and threw away. Then she went to look me up in their computer, and informed me with brisk efficiency, that I wasn't in there. I have to tell you, this was discouraging news, after working here for over 15 years! She did agree to make me a new badge in any case, but it did turn into a whole long drawn-out affair, with taking a new picture and all the rest of it. And just like my driver's license, the picture not only makes me look like a Mafia hit-man, but a dead Mafia hit-man besides. Isn't technology wonderful. I'll tell you, the business to get into would be software that would make pictures of people look better than they did originally, instead of worse like it does now, and whoever comes up with that will win the acclaim of millions of people with drivers licenses, passports, I.D. cards, and all the rest. Especially all of us dead Mafia hit-men, and believe me, our name is legion.
Happy February! So here we find ourselves at long last, smack dab on the brink of Super Bowl Weekend, and I hope that you have some suitably "Super" activities planned to commemorate the occasion. To my way of thinking, that would include playing XX Questions, having cocktails for II, being dressed to the IX's, getting down on all IV's, wishing you were sweet XVI and partying like it's MCMXCIX. After all, when in Rome, do as the Roman numerals do, or something like that. So get out there and high V and hang X! This is turning into a busy week ahead, and some odd kind of lunar cycle has managed to get all sorts of things happening at the same time. Before we all know it, we'll be coming up hard and fast on Chinese New Year, in fact, it's next Wednesday, and this will be the Year of the Rooster. In Nickelodeon Jr. magazine, they tell me to greet my Asian friends with Gong Xi Fa Cai, but if that's the best they can come up with, I'm sticking with Hong Kong Bok Choy, and they can lump it. But even before that, Tuesday will be Mardi Gras already, which means that there's no escaping the fact that Wednesday is also Ash Wednesday. Now I know what you're thinking: If Ash Wednesday is next week, when the heck is Easter? I hate to be an alarmist, but you will be looking on the calendar in April for Easter in vain, because it's in March this year, believe that or don't. And this is also the second time I can remember recently when Valentine's Day found itself in Lent, in a cruel twist of fate to chocolate-deprived Christians everywhere. Oh, the humanity! In the "better late than never" category, the time has surely come, and in fact it's long since past, that I should be thanking people for their wonderful Christmas cards. We were so happy to get your lovely card with the wonderful snowman and stars, plus that great picture. It was such a unique card and we really enjoyed it. Everyone knows that I'm nothing if not a stickler for accuracy around here, so it's always a pleasure when the opportunity presents itself to set the record straight, especially if I was the person who steered people wrong in the first place. I have been notified by alert readers (thanks, Deb!) that the Social Security Administration does not send out all of their horrible wage and benefit statements in the dead of winter, as a cruel joke on poor dispirited folks who are already cold and depressed. Apparently, the timing of these statements being mailed out is related to each individual's birthday, so that only people born in March, like me, are getting theirs in the middle of January, and no thank you very much! I'm sure that everyone will be relieved to hear that we did have our annual congregational meeting at church on the 30th, even though it wasn't Super Bowl Sunday, and it went off without a hitch. There were no controversies to speak of, the proposed budget passed with flying colors, and it did not degenerate into fist-fights and throwing things. Yes, things have really changed at church, and now even the faint-hearted can attend the annual meetings, which has not always been the case, believe me. Ah, how fondly we remember Henry Thoreau, with his clarion call of "simplify, simplify," and even all these years later, he wasn't far off the mark. I am reminded of this because of some slipper socks that Santa Claus brought me for Christmas, and which I can't even complain about, because I'm the one that picked them out. I thought they were cute, and had little animal faces on the side, like bunnies, ducks or puppies. I've come to realize that the faces are only on one side, so that if you want the design to show, you have to wear each one on the same foot each time, so the design is on the outside. Now, this is just a little bit too much pressure for me, and we all know that I don't deal well with stress, to have right-side socks and left-side socks, instead of your usual devil-may-care, any-old-which-way socks that we're used to. I don't mind saying that I can see trouble ahead on this, and no good can come of it. After long years of abuse, my hospital badge finally gave out, and wouldn't stay attached to the clip that holds it to my clothes. Because they use these picture I.D.s as a security device (you need them around the campus in many places with card readers to open doors, access medical equipment, or get into the parking lots) if you lose it, Personnel charges you $25 for a new one. But I was informed by a reliable source that if you still have your old, beat-up badge, and bring it with you to Personnel, they will make you up a new badge on the spot, lickety-split, with a smile and at no charge. Now I'm no fool, and even I wouldn't fall for that, so I called them first and verified that it was indeed the case. Then they said it was okay for me to come right over, and I rushed over there all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or at any rate something like that. I handed the nice lady my old badge, which she promptly cut in half with scissors and threw away. Then she went to look me up in their computer, and informed me with brisk efficiency, that I wasn't in there. I have to tell you, this was discouraging news, after working here for over 15 years! She did agree to make me a new badge in any case, but it did turn into a whole long drawn-out affair, with taking a new picture and all the rest of it. And just like my driver's license, the picture not only makes me look like a Mafia hit-man, but a dead Mafia hit-man besides. Isn't technology wonderful. I'll tell you, the business to get into would be software that would make pictures of people look better than they did originally, instead of worse like it does now, and whoever comes up with that will win the acclaim of millions of people with drivers licenses, passports, I.D. cards, and all the rest. Especially all of us dead Mafia hit-men, and believe me, our name is legion.
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 7:47 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home