Wash And Wear
And so here's another week all shot to blazes, and what have we got to show for it, I ask you that? Before you know it, a third of the year will be over already, and we'll be starting to wonder where the time has gone. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw a robin earlier in the week, although I could not rule out the possibility of stress-related hallucinations accounting for this apparition instead. I realize that I am past the point now where anyone would consider me a reliable witness, if indeed there ever was a point when I was one, and more's the pity, I'm sure. In fairness, I will say, one advantage of getting older is more birthday presents, which I enjoyed the previous week at home and at my Mom's house, with all the trimmings and fanfare that could be desired. It was even a lovely day, which can't be counted on in early March, and the birthday elves came across with the goods in vast quantities. They ran the gamut from apparel to entertainment to housewares, not to mention, items for which categories don't even exist. Top it all off with cake and ice cream, and you've pretty much got my idea of a perfect day, and you can quote me on that.
I have been informed by any number of alert readers (oh all right, this actually turned up unexpectedly in my own research) that the "After me, the flood" quotation, which I assumed after all these centuries had been pretty firmly attributed to King Louis XV of France (and certainly sounded to me like it would have been right up his Champs Elysee, as it were) is in fact one of those widely recognized historical mis-attributions so beloved by revisionists everywhere. I have Leonard Earl Johnson's New Orleans web page (feel free to drop by at www.lej.org and "set a spell") to thank for this cogent paragraph on the subject: [ "After me the flood," words of Madam de Pompadour {Jeanne Poisson, Marquise de Pompadour} and not, as often thought, the words of Louis, the next-to-last. But words so indicative of France during Louis XV's reign that most of us think he said them. ] So there you have it, monarchy fans, yet another long-standing urban legend debunked through the unrelenting power of modern technology, where nothing is sacred and being dead is no protection. In fact, many historical figures have more personality changes and career opportunities after they die than they ever had while alive, which should be a sobering thought to the rest of us still slaving away in this vale of tears. On the other hand, the Information Please almanac described the ruler as "Louis XV The Well-Beloved," so there would appear to be a bit of revisionist history going on there pre-humously, as well as post-humously in this case.
While we're on the subject of dead people, a cyber-friend shared with me part of this wide-ranging conversation with relatives:
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I merely mentioned that we should all be cremated, and our ashes mixed with Portland cement & cast into stone memorials of some kind and be placed in the garden. 1. Saves cemetery space. 2. No traveling to visit loved ones. 3. Portable - you move, loved one moves with you. 4. Move a lot, cast loved one into Travelocity Gnome. 5. Pets can be cast into adorable doggy & kitty statues. 6. Loved one - NOT - cast into new curb for driveway. I got a 50/50 response from all in attendance. I see a new career brewing! Investors welcome!
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Ya gotta love that part about the gnome! Although you know how I always worry when things like this start to make perfect sense to me. Also making sense (NOT) I heard from a colleague who works at another hospital, who wrote: [ Now, we're having laundry problems, how does one send X amount of wash cloths to the laundry, and get not only the X amount back, but even more??? The linens are counted daily, and somehow, we are ending up with more linens than what we started with? Hmmmmm ] I had to say that I didn't see this as a problem, but rather a golden opportunity that could be exploited to their great advantage. Sure, maybe they don't want any more wash cloths, and I can understand that, but let's test out this concept on a different asset. For instance, instead of sending them wash cloths, send them some money (after all, money laundering is appreciated the world over) and if they sent you back more than you sent them, who would complain about that? In fact, you'd be way ahead of the game, and just look at how that would improve cash flow and that good old bottom line in no time.
For many years, whenever my Mom was at home by herself and thought she heard a funny noise in the other room, she would call out, "Take the television set!" This was to encourage the supposed burglars to steal the TV, which she was unhappy with, figuring that she could then use the insurance money to buy one she liked better. I was reminded of this when I found that having a temp at work, while helpful, could be an unpredictable proposition at best, and thoroughly counter-productive at worst. After many weeks, it had reached the point where my hours were so irregular that poor Bill had no way of knowing when I might or might not finally be coming home after work. Last week, on one particularly exceptional day, I managed to leave so early that I was going to come home and say that it was still so light out, I was afraid I was going to get sunburned on the way, but when I opened the door, what I heard was Bill shouting, "Take the television set!" I laughed.
I'm sure that everyone will be relieved to know, even though Easter is still weeks away, and overnight temperatures here are still in the 30's, that the seasonal aisles at CVS are crammed with hula hoops, jump ropes and beach balls. Call me a hidebound traditionalist if you must, but I think we can all rally around the idea of giving up hula hoops for Lent, at the very least. In other seasonal news, there is joy in Mudville, or at least at our house, since the new Mets network was able to hammer out a distribution agreement with our local cable provider early in Spring Training, so we can enjoy the upcoming games to our heart's content. This is in stark contrast to the pandemonium and acrimony that greeted the launching of the Yankees channel previously, where giant oligarchies on both sides dug in their heels, and the poor fans were caught in the crossfire and held hostage for weeks with nary a pinstripe in sight. In fact, as I recall, they eventually had to call out the National Guard, or perhaps it was the National Anthem, to step in and restore the peace. Of course, I believe they were using the NHL negotiators at the time, so that was only to be expected. Luckily for athletes and fans everywhere, they were universally recognized as being far too incompetent to handle sports negotiations any longer, and I'm sure we were all relieved to see them re-assigned to FEMA at the beginning of last year, where they couldn't possibly cause any more problems. Say, I'll bet nobody saw that one coming!
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