You Are What You Eat
Hello World,
I know that you won't believe this any more than I do, but from where I'm sitting, it looks like the month is half over already, and summer right along with it, by golly. We've finally started having some weather that would remind us oldsters of those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer, just in time to walk into any store and trip over their back-to-school displays, and all the catalogs are full of winter coats and fleece-lined boots. This long-awaited weather is a classic case of "too little, too late" if I've ever seen one, so we'd all better hurry out and enjoy the last seasonal treats that summer has to offer, at least before school starts up again in just scant weeks from now. It doesn't give us much time, so if we're going to kick back and relax, we're going to have to do it pretty darned quick. This may be the shortest summer on record, but that doesn't mean that we can't get our money's worth out of it, or know the reason why.
Speaking of money, here's a story from Bill about a co-worker asking for his help in finding a replacement battery for a cell phone:
==============================
I did a normal Google product search and the model turned up all over. When that happens, they give you a page of results and ask if you want to compare prices. So here, verbatim, is the description of one set of hits:
motorola br50 battery
$4 new, $5 usedfrom 38 sellers
Accepts Google Checkout
Please note that not only are they selling your favorite -- used batteries -- they are selling them for MORE than the new ones. Oh, the feeling of a comfortably worn battery! Like slipping into your good ol' slippers after a long day on the street corner in high heels (and I should know!) Anyway, that was my funny of the day.
==============================
Well, like used shampoo and used calendars, I have to say that the idea of used batteries doesn't really hold a lot of appeal for me, even if they weren't more expensive than the new ones. It may be that the "new economy," just like New Math, simply doesn't add up, because it certainly seems like the same bad old "voodoo economics" from yesteryear, and no thanks so very much not.
Meanwhile at work, I was sitting at my desk recently and minding my own business, when I heard what sounded like someone slamming a door in the hallway, and I wondered idly which of our resident prima donna's (and their name is legion) was having a hissy-fit and slamming doors. A few moments later, one of our buyers walked into my office from down the hall and asked if I was aware that the bulletin board had fallen off the wall. Sure enough, after 100 years in the same spot, the bulletin board succumbed to the relentless pull of gravity, and there it was, on the floor, with the wall anchors pulled right out of the plaster and everything. We were very surprised, not only because it had been there for 100 years or so, but because it didn't start to loosen up and get wobbly first, it just all of a sudden leaped off the wall with no warning. Luckily there was nothing underneath it to get damaged, which was a good thing, because as heavy as this old bulletin board is, it would have smashed anything in its path to smithereens and then some. It didn't take long for the rest of our hall-mates to notice its absence, after we moved it out of the hallway for safekeeping, and even infrequent visitors to our building recognized that something was missing. I never heard one person wonder how we were going to keep up with the latest developments in fire safety, hand washing and flu vaccines, which was mostly what was posted on the bulletin board all these years. No, pretty much everyone said the same thing, and I heard it over and over and over again: "If anything was going to fall off the wall, why couldn't it be that horrible fun house mirror that everyone hates, instead of the bulletin board?" I was not actually one of the people who said that, but even I thought the same thing, I have to admit. We did call Engineering and asked them to send someone to hang it back up on the wall (which should probably only take about another 100 years, the way things happen at the hospital) but I'm thinking that the popular thing would be to ask them to hang it up in front of the mirror this time.
In my continuing efforts to find something fruity that I can enjoy at work, I can recommend Betty Crocker's Fruit Gushers, which are actually very tasty and fun to eat. And I feel beholden to point out that since I've been removing the plastic from their Fruit Roll-Ups before eating them, I find them very delicious, not to mention, nice and soft. And in what is apparently a surprise to no one, when I would share that story with others, I found that the inadvertent consumption of packaging material is so wide-spread as to be common-place, and it seems that everyone you meet has their own tale to tell about the very same experience, usually related with great hilarity and descriptive hand gestures. Here's a perfect example of this, courtesy of one of our many far-flung alert readers:
==================================
I used to send plastic sealed knishes in Jenny's lunch that she could zap in the cafeteria microwave and eat warm. The first time I did this she did not notice the little circle of cardboard under the knish until she had eaten halfway through what she had thought was a very tough crusted knish. After that she removed the circle before eating!
==================================
Now, that may be just a little more fiber than a person needs in the average diet, and although fiber is good for you, this might be considered too much of a good thing. That reminds me of an interview we saw on a talk show, where a woman was explaining how she had gone to a fancy luncheon, but couldn't stay, so the hostess sent her home with a goodie bag full of treats that included some of the exquisitely decorative finger sandwiches that looked almost too good to eat. It had been a long and hectic day, and she was famished, so while she was driving home, she reached into the bag, snatched a sandwich and bit it in half, only to discover the ornamental ribbon that it was tied with, trailing down her chin. Not to be outdone, Bill has his own story to share:
=======================================
And I also loved your John Valle moment with the fruit rollup. (Just in case you don't remember -- and how could you not, as often as I tell this story? -- John paid his mother $5 a week for sandwiches to take to work. She made all the sandwiches on the weekend and froze them, so every day at 11:45 he would get his sandwich out of the shop refrigerator and leave it on the counter to thaw. Anyway, she was not the most careful of cuisinettes. One day, he took a bite out of his sandwich and as he pulled the bread away, he was left with the sandwich's cheese, dangling from his mouth. She had forgotten to take the plastic liner off the cheese and it slid right out. )
=======================================
So, far from being all alone and outstanding in the field of munching inedibles, it seems that I have a lot of company, and to say that our name is legion would not be overstating the case. In fact, it might be time to expand the dietary guidelines to include a fifth basic food group, to include plastic, cardboard and fabric, as long as people are out there eating it anyway. After all, it's a well-known fact that people will buy anything, heaven knows, so nutrition-less food products could easily be the next big thing. Used batteries, anyone?
Elle
I know that you won't believe this any more than I do, but from where I'm sitting, it looks like the month is half over already, and summer right along with it, by golly. We've finally started having some weather that would remind us oldsters of those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer, just in time to walk into any store and trip over their back-to-school displays, and all the catalogs are full of winter coats and fleece-lined boots. This long-awaited weather is a classic case of "too little, too late" if I've ever seen one, so we'd all better hurry out and enjoy the last seasonal treats that summer has to offer, at least before school starts up again in just scant weeks from now. It doesn't give us much time, so if we're going to kick back and relax, we're going to have to do it pretty darned quick. This may be the shortest summer on record, but that doesn't mean that we can't get our money's worth out of it, or know the reason why.
Speaking of money, here's a story from Bill about a co-worker asking for his help in finding a replacement battery for a cell phone:
==============================
I did a normal Google product search and the model turned up all over. When that happens, they give you a page of results and ask if you want to compare prices. So here, verbatim, is the description of one set of hits:
motorola br50 battery
$4 new, $5 usedfrom 38 sellers
Accepts Google Checkout
Please note that not only are they selling your favorite -- used batteries -- they are selling them for MORE than the new ones. Oh, the feeling of a comfortably worn battery! Like slipping into your good ol' slippers after a long day on the street corner in high heels (and I should know!) Anyway, that was my funny of the day.
==============================
Well, like used shampoo and used calendars, I have to say that the idea of used batteries doesn't really hold a lot of appeal for me, even if they weren't more expensive than the new ones. It may be that the "new economy," just like New Math, simply doesn't add up, because it certainly seems like the same bad old "voodoo economics" from yesteryear, and no thanks so very much not.
Meanwhile at work, I was sitting at my desk recently and minding my own business, when I heard what sounded like someone slamming a door in the hallway, and I wondered idly which of our resident prima donna's (and their name is legion) was having a hissy-fit and slamming doors. A few moments later, one of our buyers walked into my office from down the hall and asked if I was aware that the bulletin board had fallen off the wall. Sure enough, after 100 years in the same spot, the bulletin board succumbed to the relentless pull of gravity, and there it was, on the floor, with the wall anchors pulled right out of the plaster and everything. We were very surprised, not only because it had been there for 100 years or so, but because it didn't start to loosen up and get wobbly first, it just all of a sudden leaped off the wall with no warning. Luckily there was nothing underneath it to get damaged, which was a good thing, because as heavy as this old bulletin board is, it would have smashed anything in its path to smithereens and then some. It didn't take long for the rest of our hall-mates to notice its absence, after we moved it out of the hallway for safekeeping, and even infrequent visitors to our building recognized that something was missing. I never heard one person wonder how we were going to keep up with the latest developments in fire safety, hand washing and flu vaccines, which was mostly what was posted on the bulletin board all these years. No, pretty much everyone said the same thing, and I heard it over and over and over again: "If anything was going to fall off the wall, why couldn't it be that horrible fun house mirror that everyone hates, instead of the bulletin board?" I was not actually one of the people who said that, but even I thought the same thing, I have to admit. We did call Engineering and asked them to send someone to hang it back up on the wall (which should probably only take about another 100 years, the way things happen at the hospital) but I'm thinking that the popular thing would be to ask them to hang it up in front of the mirror this time.
In my continuing efforts to find something fruity that I can enjoy at work, I can recommend Betty Crocker's Fruit Gushers, which are actually very tasty and fun to eat. And I feel beholden to point out that since I've been removing the plastic from their Fruit Roll-Ups before eating them, I find them very delicious, not to mention, nice and soft. And in what is apparently a surprise to no one, when I would share that story with others, I found that the inadvertent consumption of packaging material is so wide-spread as to be common-place, and it seems that everyone you meet has their own tale to tell about the very same experience, usually related with great hilarity and descriptive hand gestures. Here's a perfect example of this, courtesy of one of our many far-flung alert readers:
==================================
I used to send plastic sealed knishes in Jenny's lunch that she could zap in the cafeteria microwave and eat warm. The first time I did this she did not notice the little circle of cardboard under the knish until she had eaten halfway through what she had thought was a very tough crusted knish. After that she removed the circle before eating!
==================================
Now, that may be just a little more fiber than a person needs in the average diet, and although fiber is good for you, this might be considered too much of a good thing. That reminds me of an interview we saw on a talk show, where a woman was explaining how she had gone to a fancy luncheon, but couldn't stay, so the hostess sent her home with a goodie bag full of treats that included some of the exquisitely decorative finger sandwiches that looked almost too good to eat. It had been a long and hectic day, and she was famished, so while she was driving home, she reached into the bag, snatched a sandwich and bit it in half, only to discover the ornamental ribbon that it was tied with, trailing down her chin. Not to be outdone, Bill has his own story to share:
=======================================
And I also loved your John Valle moment with the fruit rollup. (Just in case you don't remember -- and how could you not, as often as I tell this story? -- John paid his mother $5 a week for sandwiches to take to work. She made all the sandwiches on the weekend and froze them, so every day at 11:45 he would get his sandwich out of the shop refrigerator and leave it on the counter to thaw. Anyway, she was not the most careful of cuisinettes. One day, he took a bite out of his sandwich and as he pulled the bread away, he was left with the sandwich's cheese, dangling from his mouth. She had forgotten to take the plastic liner off the cheese and it slid right out. )
=======================================
So, far from being all alone and outstanding in the field of munching inedibles, it seems that I have a lot of company, and to say that our name is legion would not be overstating the case. In fact, it might be time to expand the dietary guidelines to include a fifth basic food group, to include plastic, cardboard and fabric, as long as people are out there eating it anyway. After all, it's a well-known fact that people will buy anything, heaven knows, so nutrition-less food products could easily be the next big thing. Used batteries, anyone?
Elle
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 6:28 PM
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