Hall of Fame
Hello World,
Happy August! We have now officially entered into that season of lore and legend known as "The Dog Days of August," although if it's going to be worse than what we've already been through in July, those would have to be some pretty enormous dogs at this point, I can tell you that. It got so bad the last couple of weeks that I really didn't feel like doing anything when I came back from vacation, and a lot of things suffered that normally would have been more up-to-date. But I did make prodigious progress in my camping laundry, which is always a daunting task, and even re-packed it back with my camping gear, so it would be ready for the next excursion, and I don't mind saying, at a moment's notice. Although I wouldn't dare put my camping stuff back up in the attic where the furry varmints could chew more holes in it, so right now it's in the temporary camping storage in the corner of the living room, where I will admit that it's somewhat unsightly, but by golly, it's certainly close at hand if I need to grab a beach towel or bungee cord in a big fat hurry. Frankly, I'm afraid to go in the attic and see what the varmints are chewing on now that my camping supplies are safely out of their reach, although I will say that if they develop a taste for vinyl, I'm afraid that my collection of polka records could be in big trouble.
I left the rain behind me on my vacation, and came home to the same scorching temperatures and stifling humidity as when I left. In fact, it turns out that this just narrowly missed being the hottest July on record in this area, by mere fractions, since they started keeping weather statistics over 150 years ago. I understand that they're going to put an asterisk in the record books to acknowledge the fact that it would have easily been the hottest July ever, except for the imperative that it had to rain on me the entire week when I was on vacation, which made the competition unequal and could not be considered a level playing field among all of the other contenders. After all, anyone could see that it was entitled to break the record - it certainly deserved it based on the rest of the month - and my rainy vacation should not have been the booby-trap that spoiled an award-winning month, like an over-eager fan who reaches onto the field and interferes with a ball in play. I'm sure we can count on the Commissioner's office to make July 2010 the new Roger Maris, and for which I have only one thing to say: "You're welcome."
Speaking of temperatures, ya gotta love this entry from Bill's online calendar of quotes:
===============================
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ON WHEN IT HITS 1000, THAT'S REAL A/C WEATHER
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Temperature tomorrow is expected to reach triple digits or higher."
TV weatherperson in Fresno, California, during a heat wave (thanks to Denton Sifford)
===================================
I think we can all agree that by the time it gets to be over 999 degrees, it would put our usual "dog days" to shame, and the comparisons to the "fire and brimstone days" would be a little too close for comfort.
In other local news, the Life & Style section of our newspaper recently ran a front-page story about fresh produce, with the giant headline: BLUEBERRY HEAVEN, while the sub-head below that promised:
=================
Hugh health benefits
mix with great taste
=================
I don't know about Hugh, but I would like to think that it wouldn't be beyond the competency of the newspaper editors to know the difference between "hugh" and "huge," and use the right one, at least on the front page. Of course, there are no standards anymore, heaven knows, and far be it from me to cast aspersions on the unjustly maligned Hugh and his health benefits, but I always say there's a time and a place for everything, and this was no time or place for Hugh, and that's not just a lot of applesauce, believe me.
Meanwhile at work, I was in the main building last week picking up time cards, and noticed that the entire hallway in front of Administration had been stripped bare, from the Lobby all the way to the Laboratory. There was not a baseboard, plaque, picture, speaker, wall sconce, fire extinguisher, room number, sign or evacuation plan to be seen, from one end of the hallway to the other, and side to side. It had been painted that stark primer white, giving it a sort of eerie shimmering glow that made it hard to distinguish features, or establish any sense of depth perception. In fact, I believe they were even replacing the floor, making it even more bland and disorienting, after literally decades of looking pretty much the same. Now, I'm figuring that enough people must have complained about the hospital spending all this time and money to renovate a perfectly good hallway, while at the same time talking about layoffs and union give-backs, because our Public Relations department hurried out a message to everyone that the renovation project was being entirely funded by a federal grant for the specific purpose of upgrading this particular hallway, and the hospital wasn't spending their own money at all, much less renovating this hallway on the backs of their hard-working employees. So ladies and gentlemen of this great country, to all of you citizens in the U.S. of A., this is what we call "Your Tax Dollars At Work," and I'd just like to take this opportunity to say: "Thank you." Or rather, perhaps we should thank Hugh, since this hallway is in a hospital, so it does indeed constitute a health benefit. I'll have blueberries with mine, thank you very much.
Elle
Happy August! We have now officially entered into that season of lore and legend known as "The Dog Days of August," although if it's going to be worse than what we've already been through in July, those would have to be some pretty enormous dogs at this point, I can tell you that. It got so bad the last couple of weeks that I really didn't feel like doing anything when I came back from vacation, and a lot of things suffered that normally would have been more up-to-date. But I did make prodigious progress in my camping laundry, which is always a daunting task, and even re-packed it back with my camping gear, so it would be ready for the next excursion, and I don't mind saying, at a moment's notice. Although I wouldn't dare put my camping stuff back up in the attic where the furry varmints could chew more holes in it, so right now it's in the temporary camping storage in the corner of the living room, where I will admit that it's somewhat unsightly, but by golly, it's certainly close at hand if I need to grab a beach towel or bungee cord in a big fat hurry. Frankly, I'm afraid to go in the attic and see what the varmints are chewing on now that my camping supplies are safely out of their reach, although I will say that if they develop a taste for vinyl, I'm afraid that my collection of polka records could be in big trouble.
I left the rain behind me on my vacation, and came home to the same scorching temperatures and stifling humidity as when I left. In fact, it turns out that this just narrowly missed being the hottest July on record in this area, by mere fractions, since they started keeping weather statistics over 150 years ago. I understand that they're going to put an asterisk in the record books to acknowledge the fact that it would have easily been the hottest July ever, except for the imperative that it had to rain on me the entire week when I was on vacation, which made the competition unequal and could not be considered a level playing field among all of the other contenders. After all, anyone could see that it was entitled to break the record - it certainly deserved it based on the rest of the month - and my rainy vacation should not have been the booby-trap that spoiled an award-winning month, like an over-eager fan who reaches onto the field and interferes with a ball in play. I'm sure we can count on the Commissioner's office to make July 2010 the new Roger Maris, and for which I have only one thing to say: "You're welcome."
Speaking of temperatures, ya gotta love this entry from Bill's online calendar of quotes:
===============================
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ON WHEN IT HITS 1000, THAT'S REAL A/C WEATHER
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Temperature tomorrow is expected to reach triple digits or higher."
TV weatherperson in Fresno, California, during a heat wave (thanks to Denton Sifford)
===================================
I think we can all agree that by the time it gets to be over 999 degrees, it would put our usual "dog days" to shame, and the comparisons to the "fire and brimstone days" would be a little too close for comfort.
In other local news, the Life & Style section of our newspaper recently ran a front-page story about fresh produce, with the giant headline: BLUEBERRY HEAVEN, while the sub-head below that promised:
=================
Hugh health benefits
mix with great taste
=================
I don't know about Hugh, but I would like to think that it wouldn't be beyond the competency of the newspaper editors to know the difference between "hugh" and "huge," and use the right one, at least on the front page. Of course, there are no standards anymore, heaven knows, and far be it from me to cast aspersions on the unjustly maligned Hugh and his health benefits, but I always say there's a time and a place for everything, and this was no time or place for Hugh, and that's not just a lot of applesauce, believe me.
Meanwhile at work, I was in the main building last week picking up time cards, and noticed that the entire hallway in front of Administration had been stripped bare, from the Lobby all the way to the Laboratory. There was not a baseboard, plaque, picture, speaker, wall sconce, fire extinguisher, room number, sign or evacuation plan to be seen, from one end of the hallway to the other, and side to side. It had been painted that stark primer white, giving it a sort of eerie shimmering glow that made it hard to distinguish features, or establish any sense of depth perception. In fact, I believe they were even replacing the floor, making it even more bland and disorienting, after literally decades of looking pretty much the same. Now, I'm figuring that enough people must have complained about the hospital spending all this time and money to renovate a perfectly good hallway, while at the same time talking about layoffs and union give-backs, because our Public Relations department hurried out a message to everyone that the renovation project was being entirely funded by a federal grant for the specific purpose of upgrading this particular hallway, and the hospital wasn't spending their own money at all, much less renovating this hallway on the backs of their hard-working employees. So ladies and gentlemen of this great country, to all of you citizens in the U.S. of A., this is what we call "Your Tax Dollars At Work," and I'd just like to take this opportunity to say: "Thank you." Or rather, perhaps we should thank Hugh, since this hallway is in a hospital, so it does indeed constitute a health benefit. I'll have blueberries with mine, thank you very much.
Elle
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 8:21 PM
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