Tooth Fairy

Hello World,

Well, an awful lot has been going on around here since the last time anyone heard from me, and it's hard even to know where to begin. I suppose starting at the beginning is always a good solution, so we can give that a try and see where it takes us. First of all, a belated but very happy Martin Luther King weekend, and in the spirit of his legendary "I Had A Hammer" speech at the Lincoln Memorial, I hope that you were not judged by the color of your saw, but the content of your toolbox. Hmmm, that doesn't seem quite right somehow, but I'm willing to give the good Doctor the benefit of the grout - that is, the doubt.

As usual, we took advantage of the long holiday weekend to enjoy a late mini-Christmas with far-flung friends and relatives in the frozen north. Only this time around, it really was frozen, with scattered snow flurries and temperatures in the single digits, even during the daytime, and you didn't want to be out at night, when the wind chill was really no joke. Of course, it's always fun to see friends and family, and I will admit that the allure of presents does tend to take some of the sting out of it in a big way. Speaking of big, we came home with so many presents, souvenirs, trinkets, house wares and paraphernalia that after we stuffed it all into the car, the only thing we didn't have room for was the two of us. I'm expecting to receive a commendation from the President's economic advisers any day now.

Of course, it was January 23 when people all over the world rang in Chinese New Year, which this time around, ushered in the Year of the Dragon, and banner days for anyone born in 2000, 1988, 1976, 1964, 1952, 1940, 1928 or 1916 and so on. Dragon year babies are considered vital and powerful, enthusiastic, confident, energetic and tenacious - although sometimes a bit too overbearing and aggressive. Some people born in this year include Joan of Arc, Susan B. Anthony, Florence Nightingale, Sigmund Freud, Mae West, John Lennon, Bruce Lee, Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Personally, I say that any zodiac sign that includes both Sigmund Freud and Mae West is one to be reckoned with, so for anyone out there who's not already a Dragon, I'd recommend that you watch your step and maybe carry a great big Martin Luther King hammer besides.

Next up was Groundhog Day on February 2, and there seemed to be a noticeable lack of consensus among the various Sciuridae prognosticators rousted out of their burrows in different locations to see (or not see) their shadows. So, depending on which of the assorted Marmot predictions you subscribe to, we can expect either six more weeks of winter, or not six more weeks of winter - and the one that prophesied six weeks of raining frogs and plagues of locusts, well, I have to believe that was just a practical joke from that old prankster, Comrade Mischka and the Kremlin's infernal weather machine, da?

Hard on the heels of Groundhog Day was the long-awaited Super Bowl Sunday, which as a sports extravaganza, media juggernaut and cultural lollapalooza is not only a worldwide phenomenon, but carries to the farthest outer reaches of the universe - although frankly, I thought the Klingon and Romulan spaceships flying over the stadium were just a bit too much. In a return match-up of 2007, incredibly the Giants once again bested the Patriots, in a gripping see-saw battle for the ages that was jam-packed with all sorts of excitement from start to finish, and then some. They certainly gave everyone their money's worth, so that even the half-time show couldn't detract from it, and we can finally close the book on Super Bowl XXZQ#&\~@%MMM<[?iii, or whatever they call these things nowadays.

Right after the Super Bowl, that sound you didn't hear was the lack of riots surrounding the Waitangi Day celebrations Down Under, where the usually restless natives managed to put aside their differences with the

ruling elite long enough not to make international headlines full of controversy for a change. Of course, in the old Hollywood westerns, when the usually restless natives are suddenly quiet, it's a sure sign that a barrage of flaming arrows is about to rain down on the covered wagons, so a word of advice to the New Zealand government would be to tread lightly and don't take any wooden nickels. Much less flaming arrows, it goes without saying.

Why, even the annual congregational meeting at church has come and gone, also without controversy, and without a hitch, plus not to mention, not a flaming arrow in sight. Of course, it's a long-standing Lutheran axiom that everything goes better with food, and this no exception, as we enjoyed a delightful buffet of assorted home-made specialties, capped off with an array of desserts that were sublime and enticing. This managed to leave the assemblage in no mood for a fight, and the proceedings could not have been more amicable and orderly. By golly, an alien from a far distant galaxy stopping by on its way to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl would have thought he had stumbled into a meeting of strict Presbyterians, rather than the feisty Lutherans of lore and legend. Of course, it helped that we took away everybody's hammers at the door, to say nothing of flaming arrows, no matter what kind of excuses they came up with.

On the local scene, what happened to me was a perfectly routine development of growing older, that turned out to be anything but routine. It all started with a broken tooth, which actually happened years and years ago, and never really bothered me. But all at once a few weeks ago, it suddenly erupted in pain that was not only excruciating, but between that and the swelling, I both looked and felt like I had gotten the once-over from a runaway freight train. There was deep throbbing pain from the top of my head all the way down to my collarbone, and I was dismayed to discover that the strongest prescription pain medications were no match for it. The combination of intense pain and powerful drugs made it impossible to drive or go to work, and when it came to using my computer, I found that I was not equal to the task. It was with relief that I finally got to see the dentist, and he made short work of pulling the tooth, but he pointed out that the more significant problem was multiple abscesses and a cyst that were causing the real pain and swelling. After a course of antibiotics (and more prescription painkillers - thank you, modern medicine!) I was finally able to rejoin the family of human beings again, rather than the tormented psycho zombie of recent memory. Or in the immortal words of Walt Kelly: "I have seen the zombie apocalypse, and it is me."

Elle