On The Spot

Hello World, Happy Labor Day weekend! In the spirit of the legendary Samuel L. Gompers, I hope that you are taking a rest from your labors, and enjoying the official last weekend of the summer season, by wringing it out to the very last drop. This is a great time to leave the workaday world behind, and join the rank and file in some well-deserved rest and relaxation at last. A little extra time off sounds like just what the doctor ordered, so you want to take that prescription and fill it to the brim, by golly. Speaking of time off, it seems like challenging times in all forms of communications lately, as the inmates have been put in charge of the asylum, and the people who should know better, have all been on extended vacations or something. For instance, I couldn't help but notice this peculiar geographic anomaly on the AOL Welcome screen earlier in the week - ================== In Papa New Guinea, there are only three villages that still participate in what most would consider an absurdly dangerous religious practice ================== Our friends at wikipedia will be happy to tell you that Papua New Guinea is an independent island country north of Australia, and I don't mind saying that their national anthem, O Arise All You Sons, is worth hearing, believe me. Having been independent since way back in 1975, you would think even the witless minions at AOL would know enough not to call it Papa instead of Papua at this point. Unless it has a brand new bag, that is. Meanwhile at work, many of us at the employer of last resort were surprised to receive a broadcast email from our friends in the Payroll department, with this arresting subject line - =================== Direct Deposist for Holiday Payroll =================== The notice goes on to say that the payroll was processed as early as possible to "minimize any delays the banks may occur," and applies only to direct deposits and not "employees that receive actually paychecks." It may seem impossible to believe, but I can assure you that unlike many other departments at the hospital, which is a veritable United Nations of different cultures and dialects, every single person in the Payroll department is a 100% genuine certified American-born citizen for whom English is their first and only language. So why this memo appears to fly in the face of this irrefutable fact is a mystery to me, I'm sure. They fared no better in the local newspaper, where the Sports section featured a front-page story about the Yankees, in which their catcher played a key role - ==================== Russell Martin, who had been marred in a season-long slump, got the Yankees on the board with a home run in the second inning ==================== I can't help but think that they meant "mired" rather than "marred" in that situation, although I admit that it has a somewhat quirky backwoods charm when pronounced the other way instead. For all I know, whenever the sturdy backstop struck out, he might have thrown his cap in the dirt and muttered, "Tarnation!" I wouldn't take any bets on that, though. It also seems that the summer help has been letting the horoscope computer run amok in the TV section Best Bets lately, with results that are alternately painful or bewildering, such as this review of Meg's Great Room on HGTV - ================== A young couple desires to replace the mismatched, hand-me-down furniture they currently posses =================== Unfortunately, leaving that last "s" off of "possess" turns that into a completely different word altogether, which is what you get when Marshall Dillon rounds up a posse or two, and rides out of town after the bad guys. I'm sure that's not at all with the young couple had in mind for their living room. These next two actually appeared on the same day, the first from the movie, Meet the Fockers - ===================== Hilarity ensues when Greg Focker's eccentric parents meet his straight-laced future in-laws ===================== No, those in-laws may be on the straight and narrow, but like the world of strait-jackets, once you lace them up, it's "strait" and not "straight," no matter how hard you try. Later the same day, HGTV's Room by Novogratz offered this curious tidbit - ====================== Cortney and Bob design kids' rooms that combine elements of whimsy with a splashes of bright ====================== Well, as we always say, the spell-checker can't help you with that - and in fact, neither can I, because I have no idea where they were going with that fragment of a thought. But you wouldn't think it would take a whole suitcase full of brains for anyone (except the horoscope computer, apparently) to go back and realize that sentence made no sense and needed more than a little remediation, rather than just sending out like that, on its own in the great wide world. Also not making sense is this synopsis from the FX show, Anger Management - ======================== In an attempt to push pass inhibiting emotions, Charlie recommends a revolutionary new tactic ======================== Inasmuch as "push pass" doesn't mean anything, I'm hazarding a guess that they meant "push past" instead, and you can't blame the poor beleaguered spell-checker for looking the other way. It was another holiday for the spell-checker when these two different HGTV shows had exactly the same problem - ======================== A couple is thrilled to choose a Santa Fe vacation home that suites them best ======================== ========================= A couple is anxious to move into a Fort Worth home that will suite the husband's 6' 8" frame ========================= There's nothing sweet about using "suite" when you mean "suit," and while the latter can correctly function as a noun or a verb, there's no making "suite" into a verb, as they have attempted to in both of these examples, even by the lackadaisical standards of today, heaven knows. I'm not sure we can blame the horoscope computer at work, but on the other hand, I have no other explanation for these two entries in our vendor files that tickled my fancy - ========================= SPOTLIGHT PUBLICTIONS 3301 LANCATER PIKE WILMINGTON DE 19805 ========================= Of course, even the most rudimentary spell-checker will be happy to inform you that "publictions" is not a word, but I'm also guessing that "Lancater Pike" is not where this aggrieved enterprise is located anyway, and I'm thinking the smart money would be on "Lancaster" instead. The next one was directly below it, and made me laugh out loud - ========================= SPOTLIGHT REPERTY THEATRE P.O. BOX 368 PARKCHESTER STATION BRONX NY 10462 ========================= While I have no quarrel with people who want to spell "theater" another way, perhaps in the interests of appearing more posh, the same does not hold true of "repertory," which comes complete with one and only one right way to spell it, and "reperty" isn't it, I can tell you that. Now, I've long since gotten used to egregious spelling errors in the hospital vendor files, and considerably worse than this, but my favorite part of our friends at the repertory company was the idea that their esteemed "theatre" is located in a post office box in the Bronx, of all places. I realize that "all the world's a stage," but I'm thinking this would be incredibly uncomfortable for the audience and performers alike - and God forbid if they presented "My Fair Lady" with full orchestra besides! Personally, I'd rather round up a posse and find a Papa that suites me better, rather than stay marred in the same old straight-laced publictions, and in order to push pass any delays the banks may occur, I'll take mine with a splashes of bright, thank you very much. Elle