North By Northwest

Hello World, And so here we find ourselves perched on the very brink of September, with the last day of August on Saturday, and hopefully taking its famous "dog days" right along with it when it goes. With summer all but over bar the shouting, and back to school about to become an all-too-real prospect for students everywhere (or already, in some places) there's nothing left for us but to face forward to the fall and leave our golden carefree days behind us. Of course, for some people, who shall remain nameless but look suspiciously like me, and have yet to pack away their camping supplies for the season, it's a little bit harder to look fall full in the face, while the straggling remnants of vacation are still nipping at our heels, and I can assure you that snide comments from The Peanut Gallery will be to no advantage whatsoever. But for all the rest of you, please do carry on always moving ahead, while the errant wanderers do our best to catch up to the present before it slips through our fingers - or in the pithy words of late night host Craig Ferguson: "Tomorrow is just your future yesterday." Apart from alien life-forms on strange planets in far distant galaxies, and people who have been living under a rock for decades, everyone else in the universe can't help but be aware, whether they wanted to or not, that socialite Kim Kardashian recently had a baby, with a full-blown media frenzy surrounding the blessed event, as if there had never been such a blessed event in the entire annals of recorded history up to this point. There was no way to avoid the ubiquitous smiling faces of the beaming mother, and her famous boyfriend, the singer Kanye, on every TV set, newspaper, magazine, smart phone, billboard, and all over the Internet, so that a stranger to these parts would have no choice but to assume that they had accomplished something truly remarkable to be so newsworthy. Of course we wish the lucky couple every happiness, and the infant even more so, and would never begrudge them their moment in the spotlight, or take umbrage at the occasion's notoriety, wildly out of proportion to its importance. It was only much later that I found out they had decided to name the newborn "North," for whatever reason, and I am certainly not one to judge or quibble. We all have long since gotten used to peculiar celebrity baby names - from Apple to Scout, to Seven to Brooklyn, to Blue to Sailor, to Denim to Banjo, all the way to Egypt and Moxie Crime Fighter and back again - and as odd names go, North is not really that bad. However, a normal person couldn't help but notice that the father's name is Kanye West, thus making this poor little lass North West, which takes things in a whole different direction along the compass points of ridiculousness, and I don't need Rand McNally to show me the way to get there, believe me. The dinosaurs and I only wonder, can Cary Grant be far behind? And while we're on the subject of compass points, last weekend Bill and I took the opportunity to travel way up north and visit friends of ours and their brand spanking new pool, before the rest of the summer got completely away from us and it would be too late. These are the same friends around the Albany area that we usually visit for the holidays in the dead of winter, driving 200 miles straight into the teeth of some of the worst weather that our old nemesis Comrade Mischka can throw at us, leaving the comforts of home for all of the snow, sleet, slush, ice and frigid temperatures that the Capital region has to offer. When we heard that our friends were having a new pool carved out of their charming backyard, we made immediate plans to invite ourselves up there during the warm weather, to take full advantage of this new and welcome addition. So we set sail early on Saturday with happy hearts, leaving our cares far behind us, and enjoying the lush greenery along the way, compared to the usual bleak and frosty landscapes that greet our eyes in January. The traffic was a cornucopia of tourists like us, with RV's and trailers, hauling an endless variety of bicycles, kayaks, canoes, jet skis, ATV's, boats, horses, and even surfboards, bound and determined to squeeze out one last gasp of summer fun or know the reason why. We reached our destination just in time for lunch,and nobody had to ask us twice to join them at the diner, where the fried ravioli and cheese blintzes did not disappoint, I can assure you. After that, it was everybody into the pool, which is a refreshing treat on a hot day that cannot be over-exaggerated. If scientists ever find a way to bottle that, heck, I could keep that industry in business all by myself, by golly. Next we were off to check in at the nearby Quality Inn for the night, where we had never stayed before, so we wanted to get there while it was still light out. I didn't realize it, since we're never there in August, but once the horse racing season starts at Saratoga, you just about can't get a hotel room anywhere in the area for love or money, and so our usual lodgings at La Quinta were long since booked up solid, and we were left out of the running. The Quality Inn was nice enough, and very quiet, but it didn't measure up to La Quinta, especially since it had no indoor pool or hot tub, so staying there in the winter would not be an option for us. We ordered pizza for dinner, and thus revitalized, headed out to the fairways for a spirited round of miniature golf under the lights. This turned out to be more complicated than it sounded, as I whacked one shot so hard that it literally vanished off the course, and we never did find it again - although this was somewhat offset by the stranger's ball that we discovered in the rocks when we weren't even looking for it. (The balls are all different colors, which makes it a lot easier to tell if it's one of yours or not.) After tramping around and chasing little dimpled balls, there's nothing like soft ice cream to hit the spot, so that was our next stop and it was all we could have hoped for. With a long and busy day behind us, we were ready to turn in, and all of the carousing wedding guests in the hallways were not equal to the task of keeping us awake, try as they might. In the morning, the hotel provides a very nice breakfast buffet, but we had bigger fish to fry, as it were, and joined our friends at IHOP for pancakes and French toast instead. Of course, our claim to fame in the region is helping the local economy, so next we headed off to Goodwill to keep the wheels of commerce turning, and snapped up some bargains that were fun, practical, or just plain peculiar. By afternoon, it was hot enough that a dip in the new pool was just about mandatory, and lucky to have two such beautiful days to really enjoy some fresh water frolics with our friends. All too soon, it was time to hit the road, so we packed up and set our sights on the homeward leg of our journey, with its eagerly anticipated side trip to Denny's in Newburgh for dinner, always a highlight of our travels. We arrived home safe and sound, and found everything just as we had left it - so either our cats had been particularly well-behaved, or more likely, their diabolical plans had not enough time to come to fruition in our absence. They seemed mostly pleased at the return of Food Man and Crazy Woman, notably the feisty black kitten on our front porch, although a couple of them appeared to have forgotten who we were overnight, and were petrified at the sight of us. And that was without watching me at miniature golf, mind you, which even the dinosaurs would admit is enough to make grown men cry, and I ought to know, or my name isn't - South East