Dance Fever

Hello World, Happy Columbus Day weekend! It goes without saying that this is not considered an actual holiday anymore by practically anybody, although I understand that a smattering of banks will be closed for the occasion. Where I'm working as a temp now, Monday is a standard work day, but I take that as no historical rebuff or cultural condemnation of the legendary explorer, because they only acknowledge a scant 6 holidays in the entire year, and everybody else gets the old heave-ho and no (skull and cross) bones about it - much less sailing ships, dead Presidents, or civil rights leaders besides. For anyone who does have the opportunity to enjoy a long holiday weekend, please feel free to get out there and explore the world around you - taking in all the parades, festivities, and community events that are sure to crop up on every side like whitecaps on a choppy sea. Tell them Queen Isabella sent you. Now that the baseball season is well and truly over, alas, and even the Wild Card teams have been set, lucky fans in select cities have the prospect of the playoffs looming before them, bright with the promise of post-season glory - or conversely, fraught with doomed hopes dashed on the rocky shoals of remorseless failure, and not to mention, no joy in Mudville. Only half of the local pinstripe platoon will be advancing to the divisional series at this point, as the Mets will be taking on the Dodgers in the first round. After that, I frankly don't care for their chances all that much against the buzz-saw that is St. Louis, last time I checked, on a pace to win over 100 games, and certainly look awfully tough doing it, thanks not. But that's a bridge to be crossed on another day, and the only way to get there is through Los Angeles first, so there's no point in putting the cart before the proverbial horse, as it were. (In other words, "Go Cubs!") Over in the unhappy urban landscape of the Bronx, the Yankees may be doing some tinkering in the off-season, but most of their recent woes were injury-related anyway, so there's every reason to expect them to bounce right back and good as new in the spring when everyone is healthy. My advice to GM Brian Cashman is not to make any trades for other players, but to strike deals for better doctors, and that's not just a lot of peanuts and Cracker Jacks, believe me. Speaking of doctors, on my way to my temporary job, I now go past a youth fellowship center on a busy corner that is affiliated with a popular church up the block, as evidenced by the large sign over the front windows, which announces in screaming type: ======================================== The Reverend Dr Albert Peter Wilson Jr Senior Pastor ======================================== Now, that might not seem particularly noteworthy to anybody, but I can assure you that it's a lot funnier if you say it out loud, especially when you get to the "junior senior" part, by heaven. I don't know if punctuation would have helped at all, but it certainly couldn't hurt. And speaking of hurt, alert readers couldn't help but notice this arresting tidbit for DWTS on the AOL Welcome screen last week, about one of the dancers getting ready to return to the show after an unfortunate medical emergency: ================================= Kim Zolciak, who suffered a stroke this week, is determined to continue on "Dancing With The Stars" What she's been doing in her hostpial room ================================= You can believe me when I say that even the most rudimentary spell-checker is not going to think much of that "hostpial" idea, even if, like me, you're running ancient bug-ridden software on a wheezing steam-powered clunker of a computer, by golly. It's a wonder to me that AOL doesn't have some sort of sophisticated auto-correct feature that doesn't depend on grammar-challenged minions or their questionable fingers to make these posts come out right the first time. On the other hand, any program worth its salt would have auto-corrected poor Kim Zolciak into Kim Zodiac long before they ever got to the "hostpial" part, so I suppose there's no escaping the fact that modern technology is a double-edged sword after all. Meanwhile on the international scene, alert readers may be wondering what has been making waves lately, and well may they wonder indeed. First up in the wave department was Hurricane Joaquin, which made a mess of things in many places, but fortunately skipped the local area and turned out to sea, where we could all happily wave him goodbye and good riddance, I don't mind saying. On a different front, that is not all wet, we have the spunky New York Jets playing the Miami Dolphins at Wembley Stadium in London, of all things, in what the gridiron brain trust refers to as the "NFL International Series." There were no complaints from the hometown faithful about the results, which saw Gang Green clobber the Dolphins with a lopsided score of 27-14 that actually made it seem closer than it was, before a raucous crowd of 84,000 - more like the giant arenas at college football powerhouses, than the smaller pro stadiums around the country nowadays. Of course, it's refreshing to find American football so popular in England, but thanks to the NFL's puddle-jumping antics, local fans of both eastern seaboard teams had no choice but to watch the game at 9:30 in the morning on Sunday, due to the time difference across the vast Atlantic Ocean, when I'm thinking the Buffalo wings, chili and beer would not be the breakfast options most people would choose at that hour, I dare say. In even more international sports news, the NBA hoops action has finally gotten underway, featuring the scrappy New York Knicks in their pre-season opener, beating the pride of Brazil, the improbably named Paschoalotto Bauru, 100-81 at Madison Square Garden, in a game that was actually televised in prime time, like it was a real thing. On the other hand, the poor Knicks were so pitifully bad last year (a woeful 17-65 under first-year coach Derek Fisher, thanks not) that they probably figured a non-NBA opponent would be a better match for their abilities, and I can't say that I blame them one bit. Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't come up with a team from Vatican City, or maybe the Girl Scouts instead. Of course, there's always Kim Zolciak from "Dancing With The Stars," she's obviously looking for more of a challenge in her life, and the Knicks might be just what the doctor ordered. The way things are going, it would probably be the Knicks who ended up in the hostpial after all. Quick, somebody call Brian Cashman! Elle