Jump Start

Hello World, Oh February, we hardly knew ye, and here we are already at the last weekend of the month, and March is poised to come roaring in like a lion on Wednesday. Every year, it seems like February gets shorter and shorter, so that March is upon us before we know what's hit us - and this time around, it's even more of a double whammy, since March 1st is also Ash Wednesday on top of it all. In an interesting twist, the calendar tells me that our Eastern Orthodox brethren (and one supposes, the sisthren as well) will be ushering in their season of Lent on Monday, February 27, when usually we expect them to be lagging behind us in the Easter escapades by at least a week. But not this time, because apparently they hopped on their speedy horses, and will be charging up to Easter on April 16th, the same date as the rest of their Western counterparts. You've really got to be on your toes to keep up with these movable feasts, or find yourself left in the dust of holiday hoopla, and wondering where it all went wrong. Speaking of notable dates, of course Valentine's Day was on the 14th, and hopefully a romantic time was had by all, by Cupid. I mentioned to Bill that new this year in my travels, I spotted numerous locations sporting giant inflatable lawn decorations for the happy hearts day, which you couldn't possibly miss, even if you wanted to, by virtue of being large and red and heart-shaped as all get-out. Now this is a business that has really blown up (get it?!) in recent years, starting with Christmas, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and now this. Bill rather waggishly suggested inflatable chief executives in honor of Presidents Day, but believe it or not, I actually saw exactly that on my way to work last week. A corner of the Concordia College campus in Bronxville is dedicated to decorations for all manner of occasions, including religious observances, cultural events, ethnic celebrations, and patriotic festivities of all varieties during the year - and sure enough, after they packed away their inflatable Valentine hearts, out came the huge blow-up president, smiling and waving and just scouting around for any babies to kiss. Well, okay, it was really Uncle Sam, and not an actual president, but hey, that still counts in my book. And after all, it makes the most sense in the world, because everyone knows that nobody is more full of hot air than politicians, let's face it. (Oh, hit that easy target!) In other local news, alert readers of social media might have seen this posted on Facebook by Bill, from the headline of an enormous front page story in the newspaper about the ongoing new bridge construction over the Hudson River - ====================================== Once done, the new Tappan Zee Bridge will be one continuous structure the whole way through ====================================== Gee, I sure hope so! While I admit that I'm intrigued at the idea of leaving a gap in the middle, where people have to try to jump their cars over, to get to the other side (and to be fair, it always looks so awesome when they do that in the movies) in reality, I'm (terra) firma-ly on the side of a friend who observed dryly: "I have always liked the continuous bridge over the discontinuous design." Amen to that! So for all of you thrill-seekers out there who were busily making plans to come here and get your jollies on the observation decks, as Bill described it, "to watch cars get a running start and jump it," I'm afraid the bridge builders have already scuttled that prospect for us all, leaving us with a much more mundane crossing to look forward to instead. It's too bad really, they could have called it the Tappan WHEE!!! Bridge when they were finished, and drummed up a whole new business of rescuers fishing the unsuccessful drivers out of the river, for a tidy profit. If nothing else, it would surely spur the development of amphibious cars in a big way, and here I'm thinking, that might not be such a bad thing after all. Speaking of cars, it must be said that even I immediately lose interest when car commercials come on TV, and I'm well known for happily sitting through almost any commercial with talking animals, super heroes, or animated objects, no matter what it's for. (So, Spiderman, a talking platypus, and an animated toaster oven walk into a bar ..... ) But I recently saw two car commercials that really got my attention, and as we all know, that can either be a good thing, or as Jon Stewart used to say, " ... not so much." The first one was for the Chrysler Pacifica, a well-appointed and not unattractive minivan, that comes equipped with its own vacuum system built right in, so you can suck up those loose cracker crumbs, errant French fries, and assorted pebbles and twigs, on the fly, as it were, and be on your merry motoring way, clean as a whistle. I thought that was a positively brilliant idea, especially for a vehicle whose main purpose is hauling crowds of people, herds of animals, or piles of supplies, and probably takes a beating with residual debris cluttering up the interior afterward. The second one was a little less awe-inspiring, in fact, I'm still shaking my head over it. Our friends at Hyundai have a new offering they call the Genesis, and on the commercial, it specifies "Options Shown" as the car is whizzing by. Mind you, all we see is the outside of the car as it's gliding along a highway - you can't see the inside at all, whether it has air conditioning, a DVD player, or heated seats - so it made me wonder, of what there was visible for us to see on the exterior, what could possibly be considered optional, and not included as standard equipment. The tires? The doors?? The paint??? The mind reels. I have a mental image of people going to their local Hyundai dealer to buy a new Genesis, and being handed a set of car keys and a box full of screws and bolts, only to have the salesman say, "Oh, did you want the one with the options?" I honestly have no idea what message they were trying to convey with that cryptic comment, but it certainly gave me pause, and I can tell you that I would think long and hard before I would trust my hard-earned dollars on something so potentially lacking in features. After all, you're never going to get across the new Tappan WHEE!!! Bridge with a box of bolts and no tires, and you can take my word for that, or my name isn't - Uncle Sam

Star Struck

Hello World, Happy Presidents Day weekend! Monday has been set aside to honor the memory, and acknowledge the achievements, of the Chief Executives throughout American history, from sea to shining sea, and above the fruited plains, with all the purple mountains majesty that anyone could ever hope for, by George. (Do they even still make kids sing those musty old patriotic songs anymore???) It's true that the presidency over the course of time has been a somewhat ragtag example of the good, the bad, and the downright ugly, heaven knows, but the holiday shows no partiality, and simply commemorates them all without judgment. So whether it's an iconic colossus of integrity, or a degenerate scoundrel lambasted by critics, they're all equal in the pomp and circumstance department, and no one can take that away from them. And that's not just a lot of Hail to the Chief, believe me. Of course, the best thing about recognizing presidents, love 'em or hate 'em, is having a day off from work, which is an idea I think we can all rally around, regardless of party affiliations or political ideology. Even better, this handy made-up holiday has no tradition of rituals or requirements that must be observed - no presents, parades, special foods, seasonal music, elaborate costumes, greeting cards, or folk dancing - so everyone is off the hook, as it were, to do as much or as little as they choose to mark the occasion, and leave The Holiday Police floundering in their wake. Hopefully everyone out there in the wide world will have the opportunity to enjoy a nice long and relaxing weekend, full of spacious skies and amber waves of grain. (I'm sure they can't still be making kids sing this stuff with the alabaster cities and the oceans white with foam, for heaven's sake.) Speaking of the friendly skies, so far conditions in February have been erratic at best, and calamitous at worst, and extreme enough to make any normal person question their sanity. It prompted one alert reader to pass along the following ray of sunshine, so to speak (thanks, Sandrine!) - ============================ A friend's husband was a meteorologist at the local US Weather Service office out at the airport. Frequently, people would complain about the weather to him. He would reply that he was in marketing, not production. I thought that was funny. ============================= Ya gotta love it! And while we're on the subject of funny business, it reminds me that in a previous note, our crack (or is that cracked?) research team, always scrupulous about maintaining its standard of pinpoint accuracy that it is so well known for [I ask you to please disregard the ill-mannered snickering from our old friends the dinosaurs in The Peanut Gallery] and was busily endeavoring to nail down exactly when the Vince Lombardi Trophy was first awarded at the Super Bowl. Well, according to our friends at wikipedia (who should know better) they insisted that it was awarded at the first Super Bowl way back in 1967. I don't think so! Technically speaking, it was the Green Bay Packers who won the first two Super Bowls (although they weren't actually called that at the time) when ol' Vince was still very much alive and kicking - and I seriously doubt that the Commissioner handed him a trophy with his own name on it already, since it acquired that sobriquet as a tribute to him after he died. So as they say on the gridiron, the field is covered with laundry (that means that the officials have all thrown their penalty flags on the play) and I would have to call that a fumble on the part of wikipedia, for dropping the ball of truth, and resorting to the armchair quarterback of convenient fiction over cold hard facts. Offsides! Of course, wikipedia is not the only place suffering from accuracy challenges regarding the great and small alike. We have Bill to thank for the following: ============================== Anyway, when I turned my phone on, it was still at the page about Amy Acker. Apparently, it was some sort of spam page because this was the biography they offered: Amy Acker looks very Hot and sexy Hollywood actress; she is a famed and best actor of the Hollywood industry. She is a famed American actress and she is now at the top of celebrity and triumph. She comes in the movie industry through TV. Amy Acker joins the movie industry after creation a good name in the TV industry. By these most famed and popular TV series named angel attract people she become famed all around the world. Amy Acker is also famed personality of the stage. Her performance in the TV series attracts the people of the whole globe and her acting ability is liked by the people of the whole globe. People like her abilities and supporters encourage her to join the movie industry; later than her 1st act in the movie Amy Acker is cherished at a large scale and she shift in the industry. Angel is the most popular TV series by which she completes an identity in the whole globe. =========================== Ah yes, there she goes, completing an identity in the whole globe indeed. And she certainly is cherished at a large scale after creation a good name in the TV industry, I dare say. Honestly, you can't make this stuff up - and not that you would want to anyway, even if you could. But I will say that we can't blame it all on the all too often inaptly-named information super-highway, since the following just showed up yesterday in the caption under a picture in the Real Estate Review section of our local newspaper: =============================== New Boston fund commencences the final phase of Seaside Village in Niantic =============================== Does it really? I think it's more likely, if you try out that verb in a sentence on any of your devices, you will find that your spell-checker doesn't think much of it, and with good reason. Oh well, I realize that I may not be cherished at a large scale like Amy Acker, or won a trophy named after myself pre-humously (wish I could claim to have coined that witticism) like Vince Lombardi, but the research team, The Holiday Police, the dinosaurs and I certainly know when it's time to commencences our final phase of wrapping things up around here, and head for the hills, before things get even worse. If anybody's looking for me, I'll be in the land of the pilgrim's pride, from the redwood forests to the gulf stream waters, crowning thy good with brotherhood, through the night with the light from above, by jingo. Of course, I'll be dressed as Millard Fillmore at the time. Elle

It's All Greek To Me

Hello World, Happy February! Well, now we really are in the unheralded dog (sled) days of winter, when even the Super Bowl is behind us, as well as the Pro Bowl, which used to be something to look forward to after The Big Game, but no longer, alas. They already went ahead and played the Pro Bowl, at Camping World Stadium, of all things, in sunny Orlando, Florida, where the AFC bested the NFC by a somewhat humdrum score of 20-13. And speaking of Super Bowl LI, it apparently turned out to be anything but a ho-hum affair, by all accounts, with the unflappable New England Patriots roaring back from a 25-point deficit to win in dramatic fashion, in overtime, no less. Of course, this is old news for the Pats, winning their 5th trophy in 9 chances - 9 being the most repeat trips of any team since the very first Super Bowl in 1967. Unfortunately it was a bitter pill for the poor Falcons, who have lost twice in their only 2 Super Bowl appearances in franchise history. That's not any kind of a record, since Denver has already lost 5 times, and another 4 teams have lost 4 times, including these very same New England Patriots, oddly enough. So I would advise the good folks of Atlanta not to give way to despair, since they're just as likely to get another shot at it, and better luck next time. In this day and age of parity, it seems that every club has an equal opportunity to hoist the Vince Lombardi Trophy - that is, as long as they're not the Jets. And speaking of disasters of a local nature, I regret to report that yet another computer died right out from under me, with the usual result of throwing everything into total disarray, and making it just about impossible to get anything done. This time it was the external hard drive I was using, so that if the computer actually died (and I don't mind saying, it had been showing signs) all of my data would still be safe and secure on the mighty Desk Hammer from our friends at Hammer Storage, and nothing to worry about. Not so fast! Unfortunately the joke was on me when it was the external hard drive that died, instead of the CPU as expected, and took all of my precious data right along with it, and it goes without saying, thanks so very much not. While it was still just barely limping along, I enlisted Bill's help and tried to sign up at the double trot with the famous online backup service Carbonite, in a great big fat hurry or else. They were quick to oblige, and took our money in a flash, so we could download the software that we needed for this to happen. Unfortunately, they neglected to inform us that the program did not support Windows XP, so that turned out to be nothing more than a long and frustrating bust, at a time that we were already under the gun, and pretty much stressed out, right up to the breaking point, and I ought to know. Never one to take being thwarted lightly, our tech maven Bill flew into action, and leaving no stone unturned, came up with IDrive, and I am happy to provide this unsolicited testimonial for their service, because they were a lifesaver when we really needed one. They're not only way cheaper than Carbonite, but they still support XP (which was the key thing) and are happy to cover all the equipment that you care to add to your account with them, including mobile devices, for complete peace of mind. They automatically backup all of your files on a regular basis, so it's not up to you to remember this critical step, not only all the time, but especially when there are any changes. Retrieving your data later is a snap, because they store it on their servers in exactly the same order that it was on your computer in the first place, so you don't have to go searching around for it in some screwy proprietary system that you don't even recognize - and which is usually a depressing reminder of how much junk you have cluttering up your hard drive to begin with, most of which you have no idea what it is, or how it got there, I dare say. Luckily our good friends at IDrive do not judge, and will stoutly protect all of your chosen information, whether it's the most sensitive confidential documents, or goofy videos of kittens riding robotic vacuums. If nothing else, I'm sure this will come as a great relief to the KGB agents monitoring my email, and whose name is legion, heaven knows. In other local news, and not to mention, totally out of the blue, we just got a Christmas card from one of our neighbors, well into the first week in February, although nonetheless welcome for all that. I must admit that I haven't made a study of this up to now, but I'm pretty sure that has to set some sort of record, at least around our household, for the least on-time holiday greetings ever - missing not only jolly old St. Nicholas and his special day, but even Boxing Day, all of Kwanzaa, New Year's, the 12 Days of Christmas, and the veneration of The Magi on Epiphany besides. Of course, good tidings are always appreciated, however belated they might be, so you know that I made a point to thank them for their felicitations, and left it at that. Here I'm thinking, if they had sent it as an Abraham Lincoln birthday card instead, it would have been right on time, and that's not just a load of Lincoln Logs, believe me. Very, very alert readers may recall that a small Indian restaurant had opened up near our neighborhood, and Bill and I took a shot at it, as a way of supporting local merchants, and lived to tell the tale. In fact, we went there a couple of times, and it was not half bad, although we wondered how they managed to stay in business with no parking, and what appeared to be a distinct lack of customers. Well might we have wondered, since it wasn't long before they were gone - and what to our wondering eyes should appear but another Indian restaurant in exactly the same spot. We tried that one also, which had some good points and bad points compared to the first one - but in another short while, that one was also a thing of the past. Then last week, the newspaper printed a glowing review of a new Greek restaurant that took over the space, so we pointed our noses in that direction once again to check it out. Tzatziki Grill has a very unassuming air about it (Bill described it as a pizzeria) but at least it seemed popular enough when we were there, with most of its 45 seats filled with happy patrons. The review identified their cuisine as Greek-American, not traditional Greek, and specifically mentioned their vegetarian and vegan menu options, so we were ready to climb on board. (And please do feel free to go right ahead and check out their web site at www.tzatzikigreekgrill.com and see for yourself.) We started with spanakopita bites and tzatziki dip, and a big basket of tasty fries with lemon and feta cheese, which were a real treat. I found my falafel wrap a bit too spicy for my tastes, and I was disappointed at their vending machine beverage options, rather than anything more interestingly authentic. But there is no way to quibble with their wide-ranging dessert menu, it is literally heaven on earth from top to bottom, and you don't have to be Greek to appreciate its sweet and delectable goodness. Bill opted for the baklava cheesecake, while I took their galaktoboureko for a spin, and it was worth every soft and syrupy bite, I can assure you. On the other hand, we did find the service somewhat perfunctory, and they still have the same parking problem as the Indian places before them, so it remains to be seen if they can make a go of it in this star-crossed location or not. But at least we got there before it went belly-up, and once again, lived to tell the tale. Anyone in the local area might consider giving them a try before it's too late. Tell them Abraham Lincoln sent you. Elle

Clowning Around

Hello World, Happy Super Bowl weekend! It seems that the 51st edition of the annual classic is known officially as Super Bowl LI (or as Bill recently quipped, "Are they playing the Super Bowl on Long Island this year?") and is set to blast off on Sunday with the New England Patriots and Atlanta Falcons strapped in for the ride. Even people with no particular interest in professional football can easily get caught up in all of the hoopla, and there's no lack of parties, betting pools, and viewing events at sports bars and social clubs everywhere in the country, around the world, or no doubt, far distant galaxies throughout the universe, I dare say. It's a media frenzy and retail extravaganza, probably single-handedly responsible for more big-screen TV purchases than anything else in history - and not to mention, beer, pizza, potato chips, more beer, salsa, buffalo wings, chili, beer, pretzels, nachos, and dip. Oh, and beer. Bill figured it would be the perfect opportunity for us to go to Home Depot and get a replacement shade for an upstairs window, on the theory that nobody would be in a hardware store at the time of The Big Game, after all. Of course, they don't sell television sets at Home Depot, so probably the entire sales staff will be in the break room watching the Super Bowl while we're trying to shop, but at least it's a good idea in theory anyway. Alert readers may wonder, and well may they wonder indeed, if the Super Bowl is well and truly upon us, whatever became of the regular winter donnybrook known as the annual congregational meeting at church? This historical ecclesiastic rumble has settled down considerably since its fists-flying and chair-throwing heyday, and frankly, I haven't tossed a hymnal at anybody in so long, I'm afraid that whatever was left of my distance and accuracy has long since gone by the wayside, and more's the pity, I'm sure. This year's meeting was a week earlier in January than usual, in case there was bad weather and had to be postponed by a week, it would still be in January. That made it harder on the poor beleaguered Treasurer (who shall remain nameless, but looks suspiciously like me) trying to wrap up all of the December expenses, and round up the bank statements to balance everything up, and still make copies of everything with one less week to work with, thanks not. But the meeting went off without a hitch, and was a typically amicable affair as they are nowadays, with not a bit of fighting, or even shouting and name-calling, and throwing anything is just a distant memory from the far away past. Even the budget passed with barely a murmur, which would have been unthinkable in the bad old days, and we were out of (what used to be the inaptly named) Fellowship Hall with more than enough time to spare, and get on with our lives. What used to be a good excuse for a fight now seems like nothing more than a handy reason to have a pot luck luncheon, with plenty of fried chicken, quiche, baked ziti, rice pilaf, potato salad, and brownies to go around - and I don't mean that in a bad way, believe me. Heck, I'll take sweet potato pie over chair throwing any day. Of course, Thursday was Groundhog Day, and among the roughly dozen or so furry prognosticators that are around nowadays, the results were about evenly divided between six more weeks of winter, or an early spring, so I guess that everyone can just go ahead and make of that what they will, top hats and all. Speaking of winter, because the Christmas season starts so early (and in the stores, earlier every year) it can all too easily wear out its welcome in a hurry with some people - and if they've had their tree up in the house since before Thanksgiving, it's no surprise to see it out at the curb as early as December 26th, with an air of "good riddance" about it that would have been unheard of back in the old days. On the other hand, some people are just as happy to let the good (King Wenceslas) times just keep on rocking (around the Christmas tree) and you can still see wreaths, lights, and yard decorations scattered around town, weeks after Santa has packed up his sleigh and taken his reindeer and elves south for a well deserved vacation in the sun. This was brought home to me in textbook fashion as we've been driving around here and there in the weeks after Christmas, and I noticed so many cars coming towards us, who apparently remembered to take out their fuzzy brown reindeer antlers in the aftermath of the yuletide season, but completely forgot to also remove the puffy red nose on the front of the grille while they were at it. Now it looks really funny to see a car driving around with what appears at this point to be a big red clown nose, and no other accessories to put it in context, however out of date that might be. I admit that I'm usually the one who complains about over-dressed cars with their mustaches, bras, eyelashes, and bumper diapers, but I can't help but laugh every time I see one of these clown cars coming toward me, looking like it's just escaped from the circus with all of its greasepaint and frizzy wig flying. Honk, honk! Meanwhile in our very own after-Epiphany domicile, Bill was more than equal to the Herculean task of taking down our Christmas tree, and wrestling it into the backyard by sheer force of will, with very little bloodshed, and no actual casualties along the way - and which is not something that we take for granted around here, I can assure you. It dawned on me later that there should be music to un-decorate by, the same as we have the Yule Log on TV to put up decorations by beforehand. I was originally thinking of Christmas carols played backward, like recording engineers used to do in the old days of vinyl records, with their supposedly diabolical messages hidden in the grooves for the conspiracy theorists and paranoid among us to ferret out in their lonely basements. But then it occurred to me that there really should be new songs in the post-holiday period just for this particular purpose, and I call on the musical community to put their collective heads together and come up with something to turn this somewhat depressing drudgery into more of a cheerful occasion, with some peppy tunes that we can whistle while we work, as it were. Here, I'm thinking of ideas like "Undeck the Halls," "Santa Claus is Leaving Town," "O Go, All Ye Faithful," "And So This is Not Christmas," and my personal favorite, "No Holy Night." I realize that Irving Berlin and Mel Torme are not going to come back and take care of this for us, but there must be songwriters of today who can handle this, and I say we spare no expense in gathering them up to make it happen. Quick, garcon, send the clown car for them! Elle