Wolf Pack

Hello World, Happy Labor Day weekend! Although it's unavoidably true that this milestone does signal the unofficial end of the summer season, in reality there's still plenty of nice weather still ahead of us, and no reason to give up on outdoor fun just yet. On the other hand, anyone in the local area can tell you that the weather has been so ridiculous this year that you really don't know what to expect from one day to the next. Earlier in the week, which was still supposedly in the Dog Days of August, it had gotten so cool overnight that the heat came on in our house, thanks not. So presumably, there will still be nice weather ahead of us even after this watershed weekend, but whether that actually holds up or not, at this point, is basically a crap shoot. Of course, Labor Day weekend also used to mark the more or less official start of the new school year, as we all trooped off to class en masse from all corners of suburban neighborhoods, festooned with new book bags and lunch boxes, and girded with new pencils and protractors at the ready. Now back-to-school can be sooner or later, based on when certain nearby holidays fall (such as Rosh Hashanah, for instance) and in fact, some local schools have already started, which I can tell just by driving past them on my way to and from work. I don't mind saying that the dinosaurs and I would have considered it a dirty trick to make us go back to school before Labor Day, but I'm sure that everyone realizes by now that there are no standards anymore, heaven knows. Also in the local area, I was driving home from work last week when I spotted a highly colorful van stopped in an intersection, boldly identifying itself as a "Lycamobile" for all the world to see, and no question about it. Frankly, I don't know what they do at Lycamobile, but I can't help but notice an unfortunate resemblance between their name and Lycan, better known as werewolves - and apparently unlike our friends at Lycamobile, I would find the connotations extremely disturbing (please see note above re: there are no standards anymore, heaven knows) and avoid the similarity at all costs. On the other hand, I suppose it's entirely possible that they could actually be a company that travels about rounding up errant werewolves, or perhaps even catering to werewolves as clients of a woefully under-represented demographic, for all I know, and the company's name might be perfectly appropriate, with no hint of irony whatsoever. Say, who let Lon Chaney in here? Speaking of company names, it reminds me of when I was on vacation, and happened upon one of those self-storage places where people can safely harbor all of their excess belongings, and which seem to be cropping up just about everywhere nowadays. (There's a message in here about conspicuous consumption run amok, and that's not just a bunch of gimcracks, gewgaws, and doodads, believe me.) In any case, this particular storage establishment was calling itself The Space Station (get it?!) and I thought that was so funny. Also on the subject of names, it reminds me of one of those typically goofy things that periodically make the rounds in cyberspace, this one being everyone posting their stripper name on Facebook. This follows the pattern of fabricated monikers everywhere, such as Your Porn Name (the block you grew up on and the name of your first pet) or Your Movie Star Name (suggestions are your middle name and your mother's maiden name) or my personal favorite, Your Mafia Name. (Here, you have to do a little bit of work yourself, starting with a cool nickname like Frenchie or Tiny, adding in anything with "the," like The Mouth or The Enforcer, and wrapping up with any Italian word like lasagna or capodimente.) Anyway, the stripper name was a new one on me, and apparently is a combination of the color of your underwear, and whatever you ate last. So if anyone is looking for me, just have the management page me at "Polka Dot Pizza," and please bring plenty of singles. Now I see that Lon Chaney is back, along with porn star Rinnie Blackstone, so I'd better wrap this up, because I have some "family" business to attend to. Sweet Lou "The Babe" Pasticciotto