It's In The Bag
Hello World,
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire ..... That old Christmas song from bygone holidays may seem woefully out of place six months later, but if you or anyone you know happens to have a chestnut tree in the yard, you would certainly be singing its praises long and loud right about now. All of the chestnut trees in our neighborhood are putting on a show, and even the creaky 100-year-old specimen across the street looks better than ever. Whatever we didn't like about the dreadful spring weather, it's obvious that the chestnuts lapped it right up, and was just what the doctor ordered for towering displays of blooms from top to bottom. In fact, so far the only thing I can think of that didn't do well in this terrible weather lately would be carpenter ants, which we usually find wandering aimlessly around our house in May, looking for whatever ants go looking for, and just making a general nuisance of themselves. We haven't seen one yet, and it's not as a result of any defensive measures on our part, believe me, so either the ants have moved on to greener pastures, or they're still huddled in their burrows waiting for actual spring weather to arrive, and not just on the calendar.
Frankly, I don't hold out much hope for this note, because although I did come back safe and sound from last week's Metro New York Synod Assembly at the Marriott in scenic Tarrytown, I'm sure it was with way fewer brain cells, after being cooped up with 500 grouchy Lutherans for three days. But first, let me highly recommend the Marriott, which is not only extremely large, but also full of amenities for the weary traveler and visitors alike. When you walk in the front door to their sumptuous lobby, you think if you keep going straight ahead, you should wind up at the registration desk, but not so, because that is where they have located the cafe bar instead, where you can get a wide variety of snacks and drinks. The registration desk is tucked in the corner off to the right, and they also have what I would call a rudimentary gift shop next to it, with a curious assortment of items. The first day, I had a chance to poke around a bit and take some pictures, because I got there before time to register for the Assembly, and the first plenary session wasn't until after lunch. But after that, they really kept our noses to the grindstone, starting at 7:00 AM and going on even after dinner, so I didn't have time to do any more exploring. One thing you don't have to explore for, however, is the pool, which is located handily right in the lobby, in a central atrium with the rest of the hotel built around it, and it's just about the most decorative thing, full of lush plants, patio furniture, umbrellas, quiet walkways and cozy nooks. There's also a Jacuzzi off to one side, as well as carts full of towels and pool toys. Whenever you walk through the hallways, you can't help but notice the windows that look over what appears to be a tropical paradise, and it's right in the middle of the hotel.
The Assembly was taking place in one of the ballrooms, and after a day of staring at the platform where the leaders were running the sessions, it occurred to me that this was about the ugliest place we've ever had one of these events. Usually, the room has a stage or dais, with a plain but nice looking velvet curtain behind it, and some decorative wall fixtures or something to make it look attractive. This place was the most horrible yellowish-tan color, and nothing whatever behind the platform except for those fold-out doors that they have in schools to divide a big room into smaller rooms. For a snazzy place like the Marriott, this room was a real dud, although it might have been the red-haired freckle-faced step-child of ballrooms, and the other ones might have been beautiful, but we'll never know. On the other side of the ballroom, they have a wonderful pub, which is handy because there is nowhere nearby to eat, as well as one of those famous Ruth's Chris Steak Houses, right in the hotel. For people attending the Assembly, we had nothing to worry about, because meals were included in our registration fee, in fact, you had no choice but to pay for the meals, whether you wanted them or not. Some of us might call that "food-ation without representation," but our protests would have been in vain.
The person who would have been our current Bishop left that job in February to accept another position with the national headquarters in Chicago, so the Assembly was in the hands of our interim Bishop, David Olson, who seemed like a nice personable older man, with a calm and affable way about him and even traces of humor. We began with an opening worship service, and while I may complain about grouchy Lutherans, by golly, they sure can sing, and I ought to know, because I threw out my voice trying to drown out the people around me, and not succeeding. I happened to be sitting next to a pastor from a church in Syosset, and he said he was getting ready to retire, as soon as he figured out where to retire to. I said, "Look around. It's obvious that retired pastors don't go anywhere, because every year, you find them showing up at the Assembly just the same as always." He laughed, but it's really true that the Assembly is like an old age home for retired pastors.
We were invited to a meeting on the proposed budget at the ungodly hour of 7:00 AM on Friday morning, with the enticement that breakfast would be served upstairs in the Westchester Terrace overlooking the pool, and they went on to point out that if we didn't care for the numbers on the budget, we could always throw ourselves over the balcony and fall in the pool. It turned out that the budget passed without controversy, which is a first in my experience, so whatever they served at that breakfast, it must have done the trick. At one point, someone asked a question about the budget amount for the Bishop's salary, and the treasurer pointed out that whoever is elected Bishop gets the same salary that they were getting as a regular church pastor, there is no extra money for being Bishop, which he said, he wanted to make sure all of the candidates were aware of this. That got a big laugh, which is a major change from the name-calling and throwing things of previous budget discussions that I've been involved in, that's for sure.
The big business of this Assembly would be electing a new Bishop, although I didn't see how they could do that and still get through the resolutions on the agenda, which always seem to deteriorate into hours of nit-picking, arguments and interminable amendments that just bring the entire proceedings to a standstill. It turns out that I need not have worried, because the powers-that-be apparently wised up in the meantime, and railroaded through some rule changes that made the whole process a breeze. There was a 2-minute limit on each speaker who wanted to address the resolutions, and a 10-minute limit on debate of each resolution, including amendments, so we tore through the whole bunch of them in next to no time. This was the complete opposite of my first experience at an Assembly in 2002, where they spent an agonizing three hours arguing about prayer, of all things. (PRAYER!!!) They also managed to keep all mention of the Human Sexuality Task Force off the agenda, which is the current bugaboo bedeviling the national organization and driving a wedge between differing factions everywhere across the country, and within our Synod in particular. Usually, the resolutions take up most of the time during the Assembly, so in a lot of ways, this was an entirely different animal altogether.
Without the resolutions to take up all of our time, what could we possibly do at the Assembly for three days, you might be wondering. Fear not! They kept tossing presentations at us, every time we thought we could take a break and stretch our legs, here was someone else being introduced, to whom we were supposed to pay attention and applaud politely. There were greetings from other Synods. There was a video message from Bishop Mark Hanson at ELCA headquarters in Chicago. The President of the Lutheran Seminary in Philadelphia made a speech, as well as Dr. Benke on behalf of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. It just went on and on and on, until I thought I was back at the Secretary's Day luncheon, with their boring speeches and proclamations. Young people from the Lutheran Youth Organization put on a skit, which was actually pretty funny, and it occurred to me that the Patient Satisfaction Team at the hospital could learn a thing or two from these youngsters. I applauded politely so many times that I thought my hands would fall off.
So when another presentation came along, in honor of our sister Synod in Tanzania, I frankly thought nothing of it. There was to be an Affirmation of Companion Covenant between the two Synods on the 10th anniversary of the original Covenant, and included the Tanzanian Bishop and his entourage, plus representatives from our Synod headquarters in New York City. Suddenly, out of the blue and without any fanfare, here was our previous Bishop, Stephen P. Bouman, who had signed the original Covenant in 1998, and came in all the way from Chicago just to attend the ceremony for the new Affirmation. When people caught sight of him on the platform, it brought the house down, and believe me, he could have been re-elected Bishop on the spot in a landslide. The Tanzanian entourage included a steel drum band, and between the ceremony, and the gifts, and the rollicking music, it was probably the highlight of the Assembly for most of us. Because this presentation was at night after dinner, and it turned out there was no other business to conduct, I really didn't want to stay and have to drive home in the dark, but seeing Bishop Bouman tear the roof off of that place, honestly, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Meanwhile, the business of electing a new Bishop was a tedious affair that stretched over all three days, in a process that many of us would agree has ample room for improvement. It begins with the first ballot, where you can write in the name of any old anybody on the ELCA roster of ministers, no matter who they are or where they're from, regardless of whether they would even want to be our Bishop, or if it would come as a hugely unwelcome surprise for them to be nominated. So you get the results the next day, with about 50 different people listed, most of whom only get one or two votes, and most of them go running up to the platform to fill out a form having themselves removed from consideration, before things start to get out of hand. (Someone voted for the interim Bishop Olson, who had already been a retired Bishop from another Synod, and he said he filled out his removal form so fast, it would make our heads spin.) The top vote getter was a bigwig at Synod headquarters with 96 votes, followed by another Synod bigwig at 48 votes, and since 500 votes were cast, you can see how it trailed off into bunches of nobodies after that. The second ballot narrows it down further, and by the next afternoon, they invite the top 7 candidates to make a 5-minute speech about their qualifications and principles. Unfortunately, you have to remember these are pastors, who are all blessed (?) with the gift of gab, so none of them could manage to finish within the 5-minute time limit, and were all unceremoniously cut off by the moderator. The next day, the top 3 candidates answer questions on the platform, and included the two Synod bigwigs that had been leading from the beginning, and in a surprise development, an older man who was a retired Bishop from another Synod and recently relocated to New York as pastor of a church in Manhattan. Even the vote after that was too close for a winner, so that left just the top two to slug it out head to head on the final ballot. The results looked like this:
Robert Rimbo - 236
Robert Wollenburg - 232
Total votes cast - 468
Votes needed to elect - 235
So it turned out that the dark horse, the older retired Bishop from nowhere, squeaked past the Synod honcho that we all figured had the inside track, with exactly one vote more than the minimum needed to be elected. After that, it took a lot of the steam out of the Assembly, and many people skipped lunch to go home early and didn't come back for the closing worship service on Saturday afternoon.
A big difference at this Assembly from every other one I can remember (and don't forget, I have notes!) was that it was consistently hot the whole time, even in different rooms. This is in stark contrast to the Rye Town Hilton in 2004 [[ I think the only thing that prevented actual fist-fights was the fact that the ballroom was consistently at a temperature of about 30 degrees below zero, and if anyone had really thrown a punch at someone, their fist would have just fractured into tiny little slivers and disintegrated in icy shards on the floor. ]] or St. Peter's in 2005 [[ St. Peter's had erected a series of enormous tents outside, which turned out to be for the registration and meals. Considering that it was 60 degrees and raining, the idea of eating outside didn't really have a lot of appeal. ]] and certainly unexpected by those of us who consider ourselves battle-scarred Assembly veterans. The biggest difference was without Bishop Bouman, it was a lot less entertaining, and really made the three days drag by. Bishop Bouman has a wealth of charisma and enthusiasm, and there was always a lot of kidding around and high spirits, even in the midst of the most adversarial exchanges on hot button issues. (His interplay with Pr. Amandus Derr, who was Synod Council President, was referred to by insiders as "The Steve and Mandy Show" and with good reason.) It was incredible to me that the Mets and Yankees were playing a series together in the Bronx at this same time, without a word being mentioned about it at the Assembly, not even a single peep throughout. This never could have happened during Bouman's tenure, where Mets and Yankees hats were as much a part of the proceedings as stoles and crucifers, and the good-natured rivalry of fans in competing camps was an expected and welcome diversion to the thornier issues at hand. I give Bishop Olson high marks for being a calm and steadying influence in the midst of turmoil, but he's no showman, and that's a plain fact.
So that's about how things went at this year's Assembly, and I did in fact live to tell the tale, and returned home none the worse for wear, although no doubt with considerably fewer brain cells than I had before I went there. Bill thinks we should call our new Bishop-elect RAMBO, instead of Rimbo, which would likely have the effect of making people sit up and take notice, and let them know that Lutherans are not to be trifled with. Or as Richard Crenna so famously remarked in one of the Rambo movies, "You're going to need more body bags."
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire ..... That old Christmas song from bygone holidays may seem woefully out of place six months later, but if you or anyone you know happens to have a chestnut tree in the yard, you would certainly be singing its praises long and loud right about now. All of the chestnut trees in our neighborhood are putting on a show, and even the creaky 100-year-old specimen across the street looks better than ever. Whatever we didn't like about the dreadful spring weather, it's obvious that the chestnuts lapped it right up, and was just what the doctor ordered for towering displays of blooms from top to bottom. In fact, so far the only thing I can think of that didn't do well in this terrible weather lately would be carpenter ants, which we usually find wandering aimlessly around our house in May, looking for whatever ants go looking for, and just making a general nuisance of themselves. We haven't seen one yet, and it's not as a result of any defensive measures on our part, believe me, so either the ants have moved on to greener pastures, or they're still huddled in their burrows waiting for actual spring weather to arrive, and not just on the calendar.
Frankly, I don't hold out much hope for this note, because although I did come back safe and sound from last week's Metro New York Synod Assembly at the Marriott in scenic Tarrytown, I'm sure it was with way fewer brain cells, after being cooped up with 500 grouchy Lutherans for three days. But first, let me highly recommend the Marriott, which is not only extremely large, but also full of amenities for the weary traveler and visitors alike. When you walk in the front door to their sumptuous lobby, you think if you keep going straight ahead, you should wind up at the registration desk, but not so, because that is where they have located the cafe bar instead, where you can get a wide variety of snacks and drinks. The registration desk is tucked in the corner off to the right, and they also have what I would call a rudimentary gift shop next to it, with a curious assortment of items. The first day, I had a chance to poke around a bit and take some pictures, because I got there before time to register for the Assembly, and the first plenary session wasn't until after lunch. But after that, they really kept our noses to the grindstone, starting at 7:00 AM and going on even after dinner, so I didn't have time to do any more exploring. One thing you don't have to explore for, however, is the pool, which is located handily right in the lobby, in a central atrium with the rest of the hotel built around it, and it's just about the most decorative thing, full of lush plants, patio furniture, umbrellas, quiet walkways and cozy nooks. There's also a Jacuzzi off to one side, as well as carts full of towels and pool toys. Whenever you walk through the hallways, you can't help but notice the windows that look over what appears to be a tropical paradise, and it's right in the middle of the hotel.
The Assembly was taking place in one of the ballrooms, and after a day of staring at the platform where the leaders were running the sessions, it occurred to me that this was about the ugliest place we've ever had one of these events. Usually, the room has a stage or dais, with a plain but nice looking velvet curtain behind it, and some decorative wall fixtures or something to make it look attractive. This place was the most horrible yellowish-tan color, and nothing whatever behind the platform except for those fold-out doors that they have in schools to divide a big room into smaller rooms. For a snazzy place like the Marriott, this room was a real dud, although it might have been the red-haired freckle-faced step-child of ballrooms, and the other ones might have been beautiful, but we'll never know. On the other side of the ballroom, they have a wonderful pub, which is handy because there is nowhere nearby to eat, as well as one of those famous Ruth's Chris Steak Houses, right in the hotel. For people attending the Assembly, we had nothing to worry about, because meals were included in our registration fee, in fact, you had no choice but to pay for the meals, whether you wanted them or not. Some of us might call that "food-ation without representation," but our protests would have been in vain.
The person who would have been our current Bishop left that job in February to accept another position with the national headquarters in Chicago, so the Assembly was in the hands of our interim Bishop, David Olson, who seemed like a nice personable older man, with a calm and affable way about him and even traces of humor. We began with an opening worship service, and while I may complain about grouchy Lutherans, by golly, they sure can sing, and I ought to know, because I threw out my voice trying to drown out the people around me, and not succeeding. I happened to be sitting next to a pastor from a church in Syosset, and he said he was getting ready to retire, as soon as he figured out where to retire to. I said, "Look around. It's obvious that retired pastors don't go anywhere, because every year, you find them showing up at the Assembly just the same as always." He laughed, but it's really true that the Assembly is like an old age home for retired pastors.
We were invited to a meeting on the proposed budget at the ungodly hour of 7:00 AM on Friday morning, with the enticement that breakfast would be served upstairs in the Westchester Terrace overlooking the pool, and they went on to point out that if we didn't care for the numbers on the budget, we could always throw ourselves over the balcony and fall in the pool. It turned out that the budget passed without controversy, which is a first in my experience, so whatever they served at that breakfast, it must have done the trick. At one point, someone asked a question about the budget amount for the Bishop's salary, and the treasurer pointed out that whoever is elected Bishop gets the same salary that they were getting as a regular church pastor, there is no extra money for being Bishop, which he said, he wanted to make sure all of the candidates were aware of this. That got a big laugh, which is a major change from the name-calling and throwing things of previous budget discussions that I've been involved in, that's for sure.
The big business of this Assembly would be electing a new Bishop, although I didn't see how they could do that and still get through the resolutions on the agenda, which always seem to deteriorate into hours of nit-picking, arguments and interminable amendments that just bring the entire proceedings to a standstill. It turns out that I need not have worried, because the powers-that-be apparently wised up in the meantime, and railroaded through some rule changes that made the whole process a breeze. There was a 2-minute limit on each speaker who wanted to address the resolutions, and a 10-minute limit on debate of each resolution, including amendments, so we tore through the whole bunch of them in next to no time. This was the complete opposite of my first experience at an Assembly in 2002, where they spent an agonizing three hours arguing about prayer, of all things. (PRAYER!!!) They also managed to keep all mention of the Human Sexuality Task Force off the agenda, which is the current bugaboo bedeviling the national organization and driving a wedge between differing factions everywhere across the country, and within our Synod in particular. Usually, the resolutions take up most of the time during the Assembly, so in a lot of ways, this was an entirely different animal altogether.
Without the resolutions to take up all of our time, what could we possibly do at the Assembly for three days, you might be wondering. Fear not! They kept tossing presentations at us, every time we thought we could take a break and stretch our legs, here was someone else being introduced, to whom we were supposed to pay attention and applaud politely. There were greetings from other Synods. There was a video message from Bishop Mark Hanson at ELCA headquarters in Chicago. The President of the Lutheran Seminary in Philadelphia made a speech, as well as Dr. Benke on behalf of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. It just went on and on and on, until I thought I was back at the Secretary's Day luncheon, with their boring speeches and proclamations. Young people from the Lutheran Youth Organization put on a skit, which was actually pretty funny, and it occurred to me that the Patient Satisfaction Team at the hospital could learn a thing or two from these youngsters. I applauded politely so many times that I thought my hands would fall off.
So when another presentation came along, in honor of our sister Synod in Tanzania, I frankly thought nothing of it. There was to be an Affirmation of Companion Covenant between the two Synods on the 10th anniversary of the original Covenant, and included the Tanzanian Bishop and his entourage, plus representatives from our Synod headquarters in New York City. Suddenly, out of the blue and without any fanfare, here was our previous Bishop, Stephen P. Bouman, who had signed the original Covenant in 1998, and came in all the way from Chicago just to attend the ceremony for the new Affirmation. When people caught sight of him on the platform, it brought the house down, and believe me, he could have been re-elected Bishop on the spot in a landslide. The Tanzanian entourage included a steel drum band, and between the ceremony, and the gifts, and the rollicking music, it was probably the highlight of the Assembly for most of us. Because this presentation was at night after dinner, and it turned out there was no other business to conduct, I really didn't want to stay and have to drive home in the dark, but seeing Bishop Bouman tear the roof off of that place, honestly, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Meanwhile, the business of electing a new Bishop was a tedious affair that stretched over all three days, in a process that many of us would agree has ample room for improvement. It begins with the first ballot, where you can write in the name of any old anybody on the ELCA roster of ministers, no matter who they are or where they're from, regardless of whether they would even want to be our Bishop, or if it would come as a hugely unwelcome surprise for them to be nominated. So you get the results the next day, with about 50 different people listed, most of whom only get one or two votes, and most of them go running up to the platform to fill out a form having themselves removed from consideration, before things start to get out of hand. (Someone voted for the interim Bishop Olson, who had already been a retired Bishop from another Synod, and he said he filled out his removal form so fast, it would make our heads spin.) The top vote getter was a bigwig at Synod headquarters with 96 votes, followed by another Synod bigwig at 48 votes, and since 500 votes were cast, you can see how it trailed off into bunches of nobodies after that. The second ballot narrows it down further, and by the next afternoon, they invite the top 7 candidates to make a 5-minute speech about their qualifications and principles. Unfortunately, you have to remember these are pastors, who are all blessed (?) with the gift of gab, so none of them could manage to finish within the 5-minute time limit, and were all unceremoniously cut off by the moderator. The next day, the top 3 candidates answer questions on the platform, and included the two Synod bigwigs that had been leading from the beginning, and in a surprise development, an older man who was a retired Bishop from another Synod and recently relocated to New York as pastor of a church in Manhattan. Even the vote after that was too close for a winner, so that left just the top two to slug it out head to head on the final ballot. The results looked like this:
Robert Rimbo - 236
Robert Wollenburg - 232
Total votes cast - 468
Votes needed to elect - 235
So it turned out that the dark horse, the older retired Bishop from nowhere, squeaked past the Synod honcho that we all figured had the inside track, with exactly one vote more than the minimum needed to be elected. After that, it took a lot of the steam out of the Assembly, and many people skipped lunch to go home early and didn't come back for the closing worship service on Saturday afternoon.
A big difference at this Assembly from every other one I can remember (and don't forget, I have notes!) was that it was consistently hot the whole time, even in different rooms. This is in stark contrast to the Rye Town Hilton in 2004 [[ I think the only thing that prevented actual fist-fights was the fact that the ballroom was consistently at a temperature of about 30 degrees below zero, and if anyone had really thrown a punch at someone, their fist would have just fractured into tiny little slivers and disintegrated in icy shards on the floor. ]] or St. Peter's in 2005 [[ St. Peter's had erected a series of enormous tents outside, which turned out to be for the registration and meals. Considering that it was 60 degrees and raining, the idea of eating outside didn't really have a lot of appeal. ]] and certainly unexpected by those of us who consider ourselves battle-scarred Assembly veterans. The biggest difference was without Bishop Bouman, it was a lot less entertaining, and really made the three days drag by. Bishop Bouman has a wealth of charisma and enthusiasm, and there was always a lot of kidding around and high spirits, even in the midst of the most adversarial exchanges on hot button issues. (His interplay with Pr. Amandus Derr, who was Synod Council President, was referred to by insiders as "The Steve and Mandy Show" and with good reason.) It was incredible to me that the Mets and Yankees were playing a series together in the Bronx at this same time, without a word being mentioned about it at the Assembly, not even a single peep throughout. This never could have happened during Bouman's tenure, where Mets and Yankees hats were as much a part of the proceedings as stoles and crucifers, and the good-natured rivalry of fans in competing camps was an expected and welcome diversion to the thornier issues at hand. I give Bishop Olson high marks for being a calm and steadying influence in the midst of turmoil, but he's no showman, and that's a plain fact.
So that's about how things went at this year's Assembly, and I did in fact live to tell the tale, and returned home none the worse for wear, although no doubt with considerably fewer brain cells than I had before I went there. Bill thinks we should call our new Bishop-elect RAMBO, instead of Rimbo, which would likely have the effect of making people sit up and take notice, and let them know that Lutherans are not to be trifled with. Or as Richard Crenna so famously remarked in one of the Rambo movies, "You're going to need more body bags."
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 7:43 PM
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