New York Minute
Hello World,
Well, if this was March, we'd still have one last Friday left in the month on the 31st, but alas, this is merely February, and even with an extra day tacked on at the end of the month, there's still less than a week left to go until that last day. Time marches on, as we know all too well, and by this time next week, we will already be in March, and marching along through Lent in earnest. And for grouchy Christians everywhere, I do mean "earnest" and no joking around, that's for sure. Speaking of time, which is not only relative, but can also be rather a slippery character to boot, a friend was recently complaining to me about the sorry state of the economy these days, and what she considered the government's ineptitude in righting the ship of state, and setting sail for the sunny shores in the prosperity of yesteryear. She went on and on about the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune being suffered by down-trodden citizens, and included numerous statistics that she said, came from an interesting segment of the network newsmagazine show which she referred to as "20 Minutes." Of course, everyone knows that I'm too polite to laugh, but I have to admit, it was a near thing. Now, here I'm thinking this is either a new and unimproved one-dimensional variant on "20/20," or the Readers Digest Condensed Version of the venerable "60 Minutes" for the short-attention-span viewers of today. Time marches on indeed, and sometimes, it breaks into a trot, by golly.
Meanwhile at work, it would not be an exaggeration to say that all of the wheels have come off, and people far and wide have just gone completely out of their minds, taken leave of their senses, and traveled entirely around the bend, so that insanity greets you at every turn, and the inmates have well and truly taken over the asylum for real. It all started innocently enough, as these things so often do, with this broadcast email that was apparently trying to alert everyone about a special occasion, but still managed to fail miserably -
================================================
Happenings! Another Successful Outpatient Peditric Holiday Party
================================================
If your spell-checker is anything like mine, it undoubtedly balked at "Peditric" when it stumbled over it. Perhaps out in the wide world, the term "Pediatric" is considered complicated and unfamiliar, and average people might be forgiven for spelling it wrong, but frankly, in the healthcare business as we find ourselves at the employer of last resort, and with a strong Pediatric program in place, we might expect a little bit more of that vaunted pin-point accuracy when describing our events. It was after that, I sent an email to a coworker, only to receive back an "Away" notice which would have made my eyes pop out of my head, except that I was too busy trying to figure out if I should laugh or cry -
============================
I will be out of the office from Monday, 02/6
and returning on Tuesday, 01/03/12.
============================
Frankly, I'm not sure if she should have gotten into her Time Machine, Way-Back Machine, or just slipped into a convenient portal to another dimension where time has no meaning, because otherwise, there's just no way to make sense of that. On the face of it, she seems to believe that she is taking off the first Monday in February, and returning to work on the first Tuesday in January, which would have been a full 5 weeks previously. Even worse would have been if she meant February 6 in 2011, and not returning for 11 months until January of 2012, which is a whole new kind of lackadaisical approach to attendance, even for the employer of last resort, I can assure you. Also not saying what they mean (one hopes!) I called a different coworker, who was away from her desk and offered this curious voice mail greeting in her place:
============================
"You have reached the voice mail of Celia Gomez, the
Clinic supervisor. I am not able at the present moment,
but if you leave your name and number, I will return your call."
============================
It didn't state when the present moment might pass and she expected to be "able," but I left a message anyway, and hoped for the best. This next memo was circulated from Administration, containing the praises from a satisfied patient, and thanks for a job well done - or at least, that's what one supposes it was trying to say -
============================
"My gratitude is profound to the Nurses who demonstrated
excellent nursing skills. Your responses to my calls were
continuously treated with urgency and clam."
============================
Of course, in a case like this, we can never be sure if the patient or family member made the original mistake, or if it was an error in transcribing the message in Administration - after all, this is the employer of last resort. On the other hand, it's entirely possible that the nursing staff did respond to the call bells with clams, as it says, and might be some sort of newfangled medical treatment that the rest of us have yet to be informed of. It's all too easy to say that nothing would surprise me at this point, or rather, at the present moment. However, I will say that if I were a patient, I would prefer the nurses to respond to my calls with hot fudge sundaes, rather than clams, and in that situation, the urgency would be all too real, believe me.
Personally, I've never seen such widespread miscues of all types at the institution, from one end to the other, and at every level from the highest to the lowest, and all at the same time. I don't know if the condition was contagious, or if it was just a quixotic coincidence, but it was in the middle of all of this that I couldn't help but notice the following meteorological information printed on the front page of our local newspaper, for all the world to see - not that they wanted to, obviously:
===========================
WEATHER
Today: Short forecast
HIGH: ## LOW: ##
Tomorrow: Short line
HIGH: ## LOW: ##
===========================
Well, I guess that makes things just about as clear as mud, and thanks so very much not. Heck, I would do better asking Comrade Mischka about the weather, not to mention, the Clinic supervisor, who would probably do better than that, even in the present moment when she's not able. Now, if you'll excuse me, I see that the portal has opened up to take me away to the other dimension, where the nurses will be bringing me hot fudge sundaes, and the Short Attention Span Theater is showing reruns of "That 40's Show," "One and a Half Men," "Hawaii 3-0" and the edited version of "Quarter to Midnight Cowboy." Don't worry, I expect to be returning on 01/03/12, and that's not just a lot of baloney with clam sauce, believe me.
Elle
Well, if this was March, we'd still have one last Friday left in the month on the 31st, but alas, this is merely February, and even with an extra day tacked on at the end of the month, there's still less than a week left to go until that last day. Time marches on, as we know all too well, and by this time next week, we will already be in March, and marching along through Lent in earnest. And for grouchy Christians everywhere, I do mean "earnest" and no joking around, that's for sure. Speaking of time, which is not only relative, but can also be rather a slippery character to boot, a friend was recently complaining to me about the sorry state of the economy these days, and what she considered the government's ineptitude in righting the ship of state, and setting sail for the sunny shores in the prosperity of yesteryear. She went on and on about the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune being suffered by down-trodden citizens, and included numerous statistics that she said, came from an interesting segment of the network newsmagazine show which she referred to as "20 Minutes." Of course, everyone knows that I'm too polite to laugh, but I have to admit, it was a near thing. Now, here I'm thinking this is either a new and unimproved one-dimensional variant on "20/20," or the Readers Digest Condensed Version of the venerable "60 Minutes" for the short-attention-span viewers of today. Time marches on indeed, and sometimes, it breaks into a trot, by golly.
Meanwhile at work, it would not be an exaggeration to say that all of the wheels have come off, and people far and wide have just gone completely out of their minds, taken leave of their senses, and traveled entirely around the bend, so that insanity greets you at every turn, and the inmates have well and truly taken over the asylum for real. It all started innocently enough, as these things so often do, with this broadcast email that was apparently trying to alert everyone about a special occasion, but still managed to fail miserably -
================================================
Happenings! Another Successful Outpatient Peditric Holiday Party
================================================
If your spell-checker is anything like mine, it undoubtedly balked at "Peditric" when it stumbled over it. Perhaps out in the wide world, the term "Pediatric" is considered complicated and unfamiliar, and average people might be forgiven for spelling it wrong, but frankly, in the healthcare business as we find ourselves at the employer of last resort, and with a strong Pediatric program in place, we might expect a little bit more of that vaunted pin-point accuracy when describing our events. It was after that, I sent an email to a coworker, only to receive back an "Away" notice which would have made my eyes pop out of my head, except that I was too busy trying to figure out if I should laugh or cry -
============================
I will be out of the office from Monday, 02/6
and returning on Tuesday, 01/03/12.
============================
Frankly, I'm not sure if she should have gotten into her Time Machine, Way-Back Machine, or just slipped into a convenient portal to another dimension where time has no meaning, because otherwise, there's just no way to make sense of that. On the face of it, she seems to believe that she is taking off the first Monday in February, and returning to work on the first Tuesday in January, which would have been a full 5 weeks previously. Even worse would have been if she meant February 6 in 2011, and not returning for 11 months until January of 2012, which is a whole new kind of lackadaisical approach to attendance, even for the employer of last resort, I can assure you. Also not saying what they mean (one hopes!) I called a different coworker, who was away from her desk and offered this curious voice mail greeting in her place:
============================
"You have reached the voice mail of Celia Gomez, the
Clinic supervisor. I am not able at the present moment,
but if you leave your name and number, I will return your call."
============================
It didn't state when the present moment might pass and she expected to be "able," but I left a message anyway, and hoped for the best. This next memo was circulated from Administration, containing the praises from a satisfied patient, and thanks for a job well done - or at least, that's what one supposes it was trying to say -
============================
"My gratitude is profound to the Nurses who demonstrated
excellent nursing skills. Your responses to my calls were
continuously treated with urgency and clam."
============================
Of course, in a case like this, we can never be sure if the patient or family member made the original mistake, or if it was an error in transcribing the message in Administration - after all, this is the employer of last resort. On the other hand, it's entirely possible that the nursing staff did respond to the call bells with clams, as it says, and might be some sort of newfangled medical treatment that the rest of us have yet to be informed of. It's all too easy to say that nothing would surprise me at this point, or rather, at the present moment. However, I will say that if I were a patient, I would prefer the nurses to respond to my calls with hot fudge sundaes, rather than clams, and in that situation, the urgency would be all too real, believe me.
Personally, I've never seen such widespread miscues of all types at the institution, from one end to the other, and at every level from the highest to the lowest, and all at the same time. I don't know if the condition was contagious, or if it was just a quixotic coincidence, but it was in the middle of all of this that I couldn't help but notice the following meteorological information printed on the front page of our local newspaper, for all the world to see - not that they wanted to, obviously:
===========================
WEATHER
Today: Short forecast
HIGH: ## LOW: ##
Tomorrow: Short line
HIGH: ## LOW: ##
===========================
Well, I guess that makes things just about as clear as mud, and thanks so very much not. Heck, I would do better asking Comrade Mischka about the weather, not to mention, the Clinic supervisor, who would probably do better than that, even in the present moment when she's not able. Now, if you'll excuse me, I see that the portal has opened up to take me away to the other dimension, where the nurses will be bringing me hot fudge sundaes, and the Short Attention Span Theater is showing reruns of "That 40's Show," "One and a Half Men," "Hawaii 3-0" and the edited version of "Quarter to Midnight Cowboy." Don't worry, I expect to be returning on 01/03/12, and that's not just a lot of baloney with clam sauce, believe me.
Elle
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 8:46 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home