Stand Up And Cheer

Hello World, You would think, with Christmas basically right around the corner at this point, that there would be an all-out, full-throttle, pull-out-the-stops push for the last weekend before the big day, to sell every last little scrap of anything that's still on the shelves before it's too late. And yet, Bill and I were in several stores on Friday during the day and night, separately and together, and there was not a Christmas carol to be heard from one end to the other. It seems as far as in-store radio was concerned, Santa Claus had already come and gone, and taken his yuletide caravan right along with him, and it was back to business as usual, with nary a ho to be hoed or a plum to be sugared. It's true that the dinosaurs will accuse me of sounding like a broken record (and they ought to know) but I always say that when they start putting out the Christmas merchandise in September, then by the time the holiday actually rolls around in December, people have lost all interest in it. It's a clear-cut case of holly overload and garland pollution, and that's not just the eggnog talking, believe me. And I can further assure you that it's not just your imagination at work here. We have it right from the horse's mouth, so to speak, courtesy of the go-getters at WhaleShark Media (I don't doubt it!) and please feel free to just go ahead and visit their web site at www.RetailMeNot.com and see for yourself, for instance, this message from early October. (That's October, mind you.) ===================== “The reality is that holiday shopping is officially in full swing,” said Jill Balis, senior vice president of marketing at WhaleShark Media, the operator of RetailMeNot.com. The group has even gone so far as to trademark a term for the phenomenon, “OctoNovemCember,” and it plans to center a new marketing campaign — complete with a mascot, the Pumpkin-Headed Turkey Claus — around the idea. RetailMeNot’s research shows that only 15 percent of consumers wait until after Cyber Monday — the Monday after Thanksgiving, which now marks the end of the Thanksgiving weekend shopping frenzy — to begin their shopping. Far more, some 32 percent, said they are done with their holiday shopping by the end of Cyber Monday. ===================== I would be happy to share the pumpkin-headed turkey in a Santa suit for anyone who is in the least bit interested, however, I warn you that it is not for the faint-hearted - and especially not for the hide-bound traditionalists among us, and the dinosaurs and I ought to know. In fact, I've known jack-o'-lanterns to weep, and Pilgrims to swoon at the sight of it, and the poor elves may never be the same. I guess the lesson to be learned is that when you swim with sharks, you can't be surprised to wake up with pumpkin-headed turkey Santas, and that's not just a lot of cranberry sauce, by goblin. And while we're on the topic of lessons, alert readers may be wondering, if we're already on the doorstep of the final Sunday in Advent, whatever happened with Lessons & Carols at church, and well may they wonder. Well, wonder no more, because the venerable holiday treat came and went right on schedule, and without a hitch - and thanks to Bill's able assistance, I have the videotape to prove it, and I feel it's only fair to warn everyone that I am not afraid to use it. The weather last Sunday was anything but cooperative, but for the hardy souls who braved the elements, it was an event worth waiting for. Of course, we call it the Christmas Carols Sing-Along now, one supposes on the theory of making it sound less intimidating to outsiders, but it's really the same old follow-that-star standby, with special seasonal music on organ and cello, and lively congregational singing on many favorite old Christmas hymns, like "O Come All Ye Faithful" and "Joy to the World." I teamed up with another soprano for a rousing version of "The Birthday of a King," and two other church members presented a lovely rendition of "Siku Ya Furaha" in their native Swahili, that was refreshingly different. After the service was a wide-ranging buffet downstairs in the social hall, and it would be fair to say that the caterers outdid themselves by all accounts. Of course, it's a well-worn axiom that all you need to do is serve food for Lutherans to show up, but even without that enticement, the evening was well worth the trip, and sure to warm the hearts of even the most world-weary or down-trodden folks out in the cold this time of year. As early Christmas presents go, this was just what the doctor ordered. Dr. Santa, that is - and I don't mean a pumpkin-headed turkey Santa, either. And speaking of early Christmas presents, were we ever surprised when our cable provider (the aptly-named GrappleVision, for its stranglehold over the viewing options in the local area) suddenly provided, at no extra charge, a whole new channel for us to enjoy. And unlike the usual additions - along the lines of The Carpet Channel or The Stained Glass Network - this one was really something, and definitely worth having in the lineup. The newest member of our media family is ESPN 3-D, and for people like us with a new HD and 3-D wide-screen TV, this could not have come along at a better time, by golly. The sports giant ESPN runs programming on this channel 24-hours a day, so you can get your 3-D fix whenever you have a hankering for it, which at our house, is pretty much full-time. I can tell you that college football never looked so good, and even sports you don't care about have a mesmerizing allure that you can't turn away from. The field-level cameras put you right in the thick of the action, or the laps of the cheerleaders, depending on your preferences, while the near-side wide receivers on the line of scrimmage are basically standing right in your living room with you. When the quarterback throws a touchdown pass and they show it from the end zone camera, why heck, even I could have caught that ball, because it just about ended up in my lap. (My apologies to the equipment manager for the spaghetti sauce, but frankly, I was expecting a running play at the time.) It's a wonder to me that people actually leave their house, if they have a big TV with continuous 3-D sports, and I can see where this would be a boon for stores that deliver pizzas or Chinese food at all hours of the day or night. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be with the cheerleaders. Elle