Song of the South

Hello World, Happy October! It's amazing how you can just go along on your own merry way, minding your own bees-wax, as they say, and suddenly you look up and the year is just about over already. The days are shorter, the air is cooler, and just like clockwork, the peregrine falcons have left on their annual migration back to Bolivia for the winter. Anyone with nebulous costume ideas, but nothing actually in hand, would have reason for worry, and not much time to rectify the situation at this rate. Obviously the peregrine falcons have the right idea, leaving the pressures of costume planning behind them, as they wing their way to the sunny south, before the annual fright-fest even rolls around. Heck, they probably don't even celebrate Halloween in Bolivia, for all I know. I guess that would explain the lack of demand for peregrine falcon-sized costumes, and that's not just the candy corn talking, by golly. Also noteworthy in October, the baseball playoffs continue apace, already with disappointed fans in several cities, as the winning teams move out of the first round and into the second, on that long and bumpy road to the World Series. Hockey is just starting to get underway, although that didn't stop Philadelphia from firing their coach already, after the team lost their first 3 games, thanks not. This is the first season with re-alignment and a revamped schedule compared to previous years, that may turn out to be just as much of a story as the wins and losses. In fact, a cursory glance at the standings from the Eastern Conference's Atlantic Division, where a normally intelligent person might expect to find the likes of such eastern seaboard stalwarts as the New York Rangers, New Jersey Devils, New York Islanders and Carolina Hurricanes, would be perplexed to find them nowhere in sight - and centuries of intrepid explorers and map-makers even more so, no doubt. In spite of the mighty ocean lapping at their very shores on a constant basis, these clubs have been relegated to the Metropolitan Division (whatever that means) while the Atlantic contingent includes such cities as Detroit, Ottawa and Buffalo, which have never set eyes on their division's watery namesake. It's true that Albert Einstein theorized that time is relative, however I doubt that he would have felt the same about geography, I dare say. In other sports-related disasters, it goes without saying that the surprisingly woeful Giants never expected to open their season 0-6, that's for sure, and the only question remains whether there's enough left of the season for them to attempt turning things around at this late date, or if that's even possible. In the city that never sleeps, you can count on plenty of criticism leveled at all of the players, notably their quarterback, leading the league in interceptions, and the rest of the offense, scaling new heights in turn-overs, and thank you so very much not. This bad-mouthing didn't sit well with their coach, who made his feelings clear in a story in the local Sports section, with this arresting headline: ================== Coughlin defects blame to himself ================== Of course, we all know by now that the spell-checker is not going to help you in a case such as this, where you use a perfectly fine (but wrong) word like "defects" instead of "deflects" which is certainly what they meant. I have no reason to suspect that coach Coughlin has any intention of defecting to another country, just because his misbegotten players are stinking up the joint - which is no mean feat, in a stadium that is located in the swamps of New Jersey to start with, I might add. On the other hand, a person can't help but wonder if the headline writer was making a bit of editorial comment, and not-quite-inadvertently using "defect" not in the "escaping to a foreign country" sense, but rather as a term for "flaw or imperfection." There's certainly no denying that the Giants are defective, in fact, their defects are so numerous and wide-ranging, that defecting to another country might be their only hope at this point. I hear that Bolivia is very nice this time of year, surely they must have swamps where football would be a welcome diversion. Speaking of diversions, alert readers may recall a previous note about the burgeoning trend in fake eyelashes, eyeliner and mustaches that you can buy to outfit your car, as if people didn't already have enough ridiculous ways to waste money as it is. Never one to pass up a burning issue, here we have Bill weighing in on the subject: ================= Gosh, ya gotta love that whole Carbie setup! (The Miss Carbie Pageant could feature Carbie raters, oof!) The way it stands now, we have OODLES of nudist parking lots and even brushless massage parlors (featuring Bikini Wax). Heck, they'll even put an Armor-All shine on your shoes, if you like. Those who have the money can cruise to Staten Island. Tow trucks will be outfitted in scrubs. Car carriers will need maternity clothes. There's a whole new world of extravagances we could annoy the terrorists with. After all, we can't seem to do anything else to cut them down to size. ================= I think he may be on to something there, and we all know how I can't help but worry when things like this start to make perfect sense to me. Earlier in the year, we had been to the movies and saw previews of an upcoming animated feature that seemed interesting enough, if in a silly way. We didn't go out when it was released to see it in the cinema, but in our continuing efforts to scout out 3-D media for our big screen TV, we decided to give it a try on DVD. Despite seeing previews for it on more than one occasion, it seems that we had learned absolutely nothing about it, except that it was called "Wreck-it Ralph" and it was in 3-D, so that was all that mattered to us. It turned out to be much more entertaining than we expected, and very well done, with 3-D effects that were eye-popping. The voice cast was not exactly blockbuster (although some like Jane Lynch and Jack McBrayer fairly well-known from television) and without big names to draw audiences in, it was going to have to stand or fall on its own merits. The film is set in the world of arcade games, and the writers did an inspired job of inventing imaginary games to stand alongside genuine classics like Super Mario Brothers, Pac-Man and Frogger. After the arcade closes, the characters in the games go home to their families, or socialize with characters in other games, or like the movie's beleaguered title character, Wreck-it Ralph himself, attempt to improve their lot in life - and because this is a comedy, with hilariously unexpected consequences. The plot is cleverly concocted, and sprinkled with twists and turns along the way, and enough sight gags, puns and in-jokes to really keep you on your toes. It even has a happy ending, which is our #1 criteria for a good movie, and minds its manners when it comes to violence, language, and adult situations. It's true that we probably never would have seen it, if not for the dearth of 3-D programming as a whole, but we were glad we did, and enjoyed a fun evening with a feel-good message. Heck, I think even the peregrine falcons would have liked it, that is, if they hadn't already flown south for the winter. At least we can all hope that they flew south following their traditional flyway routes, and not the cockamamie New Geography of the NHL, in which case I expect they would wind up just outside of the Reykjavik Art Museum in Iceland - thanks to re-alignment, now in the Central Division of the Western Conference, I shouldn't wonder. Elle