On The Move

Hello World, Merry Christmas! I hope that everyone out there in our perusing public found their own way to observe the occasion in the exactly the most perfect manner possible, The Holiday Police notwithstanding - from the most Norman Rockwell-esque traditional, to the wildest outrageously radical, or simply ignoring it altogether, as it might suit their fancy. With the holiday on a Thursday, many businesses took advantage of proximity, and stayed closed on Friday as well, giving their employees a chance to enjoy a bonus 4-day weekend. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to see a groundswell of support for the idea of turning Christmas Day into a standard weekday holiday like Monday or Thursday, so people can make a long weekend out of it every year, like Thanksgiving or Memorial Day. Admittedly it would be a hard sell to change the whole ho-ho-ho hullabaloo into a movable feast at this point - or July 4th or New Years Day, for that matter - but it can't be denied that stranger things have been known to happen, so I wouldn't rule anything out either. While they're at it, they could move New Year's Eve to a time of year when the weather would be a whole lot better, and I'm sure the millions of revelers freezing in Times Square would be especially grateful. And unlike Affirmed, I don't think we have anything to fear from the evil unquiet spirit of Dick Clark, at least not yet. Speaking of revelry, at my new temp job, they've been having renovations to the building, and made the perhaps misguided decision to carve a new break room in what is essentially a garage where the files are stored. The new area is a small room side to side, but with a high ceiling like the rest of the garage, and has a noticeable echo when you walk or talk nearby. I bumped into one of the owners down there checking it out, and she remarked that it would help to have some carpeting, curtains, pillows or other sound-absorbing elements to make the room less reverberating. Or, as I pointed out with unassailable logic, we could form a singing group, and take advantage of it instead. She laughed. In other seasonal news, anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past 4 months, and has spent any time at all driving around the local area, couldn't help but notice the latest fad du jour, because it seems that every other vehicle is sporting them. Yes, Virginia, joining the ranks of car bras, bumper diapers, headlight mascara and hood mustaches, new for Christmas is roof antlers, lending just the needed holiday touch, which had been sorely lacking on the region's streets and thoroughfares up to now. Normally this is where I would say, this is exactly the kind of tomfoolery that at our house, we would file under "This Is Why The Terrorists Hate Us," but let's face it, how can you not love cars driving around with antlers for the holidays. Next it will be white beards to go along with the mustaches, and red Santa shirts to go with the bras, I shouldn't wonder. Just when you think that things couldn't possibly get any more ridiculous, somehow they manage to find a way. And while we're on the subject of ridiculous things, along comes the following story in the local newspaper last week: =============================== Zachys Vice President Andrew McMurray secured the largest business deal in the history of ABC's "Shark Tank" with a $2.5 million commitment for Zipz Wine. =============================== They go on to explain that Zipz is a single-serving glass-shaped container that feels like a real wine glass, and conveniently comes already filled with wine, and how handy is that. The wine varieties include cabernet sauvignon, pinot grigio, merlot and chardonnay. Zipz's wines are sourced in California's Mendocino, San Joaquin and Sonoma counties. Now, normal people might think this cockeyed idea was nothing more than a pipe dream, and would never see the light of day once cooler heads prevailed - but actually the "Shark Tank" producers approached Zipz after they saw the product in use in California over the summer; it's sold at AT&T Park in San Francisco, as well as Angel Stadium of Anaheim. (Here I'm thinking, they must love that at the ballpark.) (NOT!) Even more incredibly, Zipz is not the only single-use wine container out there, in fact, Copa de Vino was already presented on "Shark Tank" in 2 previous seasons without success. Luckily for our local imbibing public, they don't have to "Go West, Young Man" out to "California or Bust" - they're selling them right here and now at Zachy's for $2.99 each, so any old anybody could waltz into their Scarsdale location with a ten dollar bill, and literally not have enough hands to walk out with all of the pre-filled wine receptacles that would buy. The article goes on to mention that next up in the planning stage is to sell the libation at Costco, of all places (YIKES!!!) which if nothing else, certainly adds new meaning to the age-old phrase, "Shop 'til you drop," I dare say. Along the lines of roof antlers, which may seem at first blush to be an idea whose time has not yet come (and which, frankly, may never actually come) all you can say in a situation like this is, "I'll drink to that!" On the home front, anyone who has tried to call us at our home phone within recent memory (and nowadays they have to specify that as your "land-line," as opposed to other more portable options, when previously, just referring to it as your home phone was all anybody needed to know) can tell you that we have an answering machine that picks up all of our incoming calls, and came already programmed out of the box with a pre-recorded greeting for lazy people like us, who didn't want to record their own message. We call ours "The Hello Man," because after the machine picks up, he barks out "HELLO!" in a rather obstreperous manner that does not seem very friendly, and in fact, has the perhaps unintended effect of scaring off all but the most intrepid callers on a regular basis, who all (probably wisely) opt to hang up without making a sound - and likely relieved to escape without further jeopardy. That's why I was surprised when I was standing near the phone the other day when it rang, and after The Hello Man shot off his opening salvo, I was expecting the usual silent treatment in response, but not these people, by golly. I heard a bunch of background noise, and then a woman's voice saying very plainly, "We need an air freshener in there, it's awful" and that was it. I said to Bill later, finally here's some people who really know us, or at least our cats. They haven't called back since, so maybe they decided that all of the air fresheners in the world weren't going to help improve things around here, and personally, I can't say that I blame them one bit. On the other hand, if they don't want to come here because of the smell, we could always meet elsewhere, and I'd be happy to bring the wine. After all, I'm sure I can scrounge up $2.99 somehow. Elle