On The Job

Hello World, Happy November! And so now here we all find ourselves, on the other side of the time-shifting divide, where (they tell me) it's lighter later in the mornings and darker earlier in the afternoons, and we can all just make the best of it, or at least go down swinging. (As a reminder, for anyone who prefers to "vote with their feet" on this cockamamie chronological craziness, Arizona and Hawaii are the two US states that refuse to observe Daylight Saving Time at all, since Indiana and Michigan finally became recent converts to the system after decades of holding its confounded tomfoolery at bay. On the flip side of the coin, the following states have initiatives now to abolish it within their borders altogether: Alaska, Colorado, Florida, Nevada and Tennessee.) To this day, I stand by the promise that my vote goes to whatever President eliminates this nefarious nuisance once and for all, and I also wouldn't rule out the possibility of other favors along the way. After all, I have pretty much an endless supply of poison ivy and cat poop, just looking for a good home, and The White House certainly fits that bill, I dare say. Here is normally where I would be describing my Halloween exploits at work, my costume adventures, and the perils of trick-or-treating around the campus - as we have all come to know and love over the years, like an old worn-out shoe, but not the less welcome for all that. Alas, it was not to be, as fate intervened, in ways that only the immutable fates can, with everything at its disposal, and monkey wrenches were just the beginning of it, believe me. It all started way back in May 2013, with the announcement that the employer of last resort, where I had been working for the past 25 years, had entered into an asset acquisition agreement with a different organization, and we were soundly assured on all sides that "nothing will change." Naturally from that very moment, absolutely everything changed. We were also soundly assured that everyone would keep their jobs, and in fact, the new organization contacted me in October (just before the official take-over on November 6, 2013) and made me an offer to work for them, in the same position that I already had, and I was glad to accept. Not so fast! Two days later, they informed me that they had made a mistake, and not only did my job not exist any longer, but the whole department had been eliminated, thanks not. I didn't want to find myself unemployed and out on the streets for the holidays, so I scrambled to find another position at the new place, which turned out to be a sort of "errand boy" for the various nursing units, but it required working long shifts, weekends, and holidays, with no vacation or days off, and after trying it out for a few months, I had to give it up as a lost cause. In retrospect, I should have realized that under the new management, the ol' House o' Quacks was not going to be the place for me, when I showed up on Halloween in what I thought was a perfectly respectable Christopher Columbus costume, and they summarily ordered me to change my outfit or stay home. Fortunately, I always had plenty of clothes in my office, due to the extreme temperature fluctuations in that ancient rattle-trap of a flea-bag where I worked, so I just pulled something else out of my closet and gave Columbus the old heave-ho. But I still thought that was awfully high-handed on their part, considering that they weren't even taking over control of the place for another week, and here they were, already throwing their weight around, as if keeping the hospital safe from costumes was the biggest crisis they had to focus on. The way things ended up, now I wish I had taken Christopher Columbus home, and gone back to work in my hula girl costume instead, so they could just kiss my grass (skirt.) And how's about them coconuts! After washing out of the Nursing department, my plan was to work as a temp until I found something else, but once again, fate had other ideas - and it turned out the joke was really on me, because there weren't any temp jobs to be had, even though I had signed up with half a dozen agencies, including the very biggest in the industry. In the interim, I did some volunteer work, went on interviews, and did some odd jobs here and there, but mostly just puttered around the house and got in everyone's hair, so that even the cats would flee at the sight of me. It has taken until just now for something to finally open up, and at long last, I can return to being a productive member of society once again, instead of a drain on the economy, at least temporarily. But since I wasn't working at the time, I had no reason for a Halloween costume, and it was disappointing to give up a cherished tradition that had brought so much joy and laughter over the years - and not to mention, a colorful parade of gangsters, popes, gypsies, jesters, rag dolls, pirates, witches, and pop culture icons from every shade of the spectrum, and then some. I had an idea to go back to the hospital on Friday for old time's sake, dressed up as an Ebola germ, but I figured that with the new ownership there, they would probably just shoot me on sight. Anyone in the local area can tell you that Halloween favored us with wonderful fall weather on a beautiful day, and also being on a Friday, I was expecting great things, unlike recent years when it has often turned into a lot of effort for fairly dismal results. It started bright and early at the stroke of 6:00 PM, while it was still light out, with the littlest ones in all their adorableness, so that you basically just want to eat them right up - and that goes double for the baby zebra, I can assure you. Even early on, it became apparent that the cast of characters from the animated Disney film "Frozen" would be the costume of choice, and I had more Princess Elsa's than I could shake a proverbial stick at - not that I wanted to shake any, but there you have it. Another running theme was costume accessory fall-out (a Simba with no mane, Minnie Mouse with no ears, Princess Anna without her wig, and witches with no pointy hats) as the tykes simply refused to keep their outfits intact, and their parents were left holding the spare parts instead. I don't mind saying that the father of the wig-less Princess Anna, who elected to wear her wig himself rather than carry it for her, got extra points from me. It was all over by 8:45 PM, without even the older youngsters straggling in later with their football uniforms, or no costumes at all, as they often do, especially in fine weather. All told, there were 7 princesses and 6 witches, but only one vampire, one wizard, one clown and one cupcake. Among the animal kingdom, I had 3 cats, as well as Minnie Mouse and Simba, plus a bunny, pig, giraffe, cheetah, parrot and that adorable baby zebra. There were also 2 hippies, a gladiator, a cyclops, a skeleton, a painter, Spanish dancer, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Captain America, and not to mention, both Red Riding Hood and Robin Hood, along with his proverbial barn, I shouldn't wonder. At the end, the grand total was 42, which is the worst I can ever remember, since the events of 9/11 in 2001 - except for those times when the weather was a factor, in 2009 when it rained the whole time, and Hurricane Sandy in 2012. It's all too easy to become discouraged, heaven knows, but fortunately I'm made of sterner stuff, and I'm determined that both Halloween and I will come roaring back next year, bigger and better than ever, in spite of whatever untold obstacles The Fates may choose to fling in my path - and that's not just the fun-size candy bars talking, believe me. Elle