Stuff And Nonsense

Hello World, HO! HO! HO! For anyone and everyone who may be wondering what the heck is going on around here (and not to mention, the KBG agents monitoring my email, whose name is Legion, as we all well know) here's a late-breaking update with the scoop, the whole scoop, and nothing but the scoop - or, at least as well as I remember it at this point. It all began innocently enough, as these things so often do, when our various and sundry family members proved unavailable for the traditional yuletide celebrations, and we were left to fend for ourselves at this jolly juncture. We did so, however begrudgingly, and waited for the errant relatives to return from their other engagements, thanks not. As a result, it was practically right on the brink of Epiphany, of all things, before we were able to hightail it over the river and through the woods to my sister's log cabin in the wilds of upstate New York for a belated family Christmas, and don't spare the egg nog, my good man! We packed our bags, and gathered up everything we were going to need for a weekend in the country, and planned to leave early on Saturday and give ourselves plenty of time - especially since I was going to be driving, with my (relatively) new car, and there wasn't a moment to waste. Not so fast! At the very last minute, my other sister from Long Island asked if she could tag along, which meant that we first had to stop at the White Plains train station to pick her up, and we couldn't leave until after her bus arrived, whenever that might be. (Apparently running a bus company means never having to say you're sorry, because it seems that sticking to a schedule is a pipe dream more honored in the breach, as the saying goes.) All this came as a big surprise to the rest of us, since the end of the year is the busiest time for the food warehouse where she works - and which the addle-pated management often complicates further, by having layoffs of necessary personnel, sending in the auditors, or introducing new computer programs so that everything takes much longer. (I am convinced that these wretches used to work with me at The Employer of Last Resort, and found it much too efficient there, so they had to find someplace even more vulnerable for their nefarious plans to throw a monkey wrench into the works.) In any case, we were all delighted for her to join us, however unexpectedly, and we adjusted our schedules accordingly to bring her into the fold. The trip north was uneventful, even with yours truly behind the wheel, helped no doubt by the Governor's frantic announcement that all non-essential vehicles should refrain from using the highways for the duration, and on the secondary roads everyone should be on the lookout for a red Chevy Aveo and avoid it at all costs. This was probably just as well, although I thought the coward who hurtled down the embankment and jumped into the river was taking things to extremes, even still. We managed to arrive without incident, and were greeted with open arms by our hostess, who plied us with home-made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches to revive our flagging spirits. It was much too cold for a stroll around the scenic Ashokan Reservoir, and the snow flurries did nothing to encourage a change of heart on our part, so we stayed indoors and consoled ourselves with desserts instead. There's some kind of rule that says whenever our family gets together, there must be presents, so we tore into those with our usual gusto, and you can believe me when I say that there were no complaints on that front, oh by gosh, by golly. There were even toys to play with, the kind that you wind up and then they splash around in the sink - and for anyone who doesn't believe me, please be advised that I have the videos to prove it, and I'm not afraid to use them. One gift that we all thought would be interesting was a DVD of "Alice in Wonderland" from 1933, and apparently was made simply by driving a van around Hollywood and rounding up everyone who happened to be working there at the time. The cast on this heretofore unheard of production was astonishing: Gary Cooper, W.C. Fields, Cary Grant, Edward Everett Horton, Billy Barty, Leon Errol, Sterling Holloway, Roscoe Karns, Mae Marsh, Jack Oakie, Edna May Oliver, May Robson, Charlie Ruggles, Ned Sparks, it just went on and on and on like that. So we settled in with high hopes to enjoy this lost classic, and boy, were we surprised. It turned out that it was unbelievably awful, to the point of being unwatchable (one of my sisters took the easy way out by falling asleep early on) and remember, we were already prepared to like it, sight unseen. They never did manage to right the ship, such as it was, and it just continued to get worse as it went along, so much so that it was a wonder that they didn't all just retire from motion pictures at a stroke, or even that the whole film making industry didn't just fold up and go out of business in one fell swoop. Of course, then we wouldn't have "Beach Blanket Bingo" now, so I guess it's a trade-off we can all live with. A wonderful dinner of stuffed shells and tortellini was all the cheering up we needed, followed by a variety of tasty treats for dessert, like home-made pie and peppermint brownies with ice cream. Because my sister volunteers at the local Book Fair, there's always a selection of orphan books up for grabs, that run the gamut from the classic and collectible, to the curiously obscure, to the downright bizarre, the wild and weird, and back again. We had no trouble finding stuff to keep us entertained, until it was time to turn in for the night. Both of my sisters tucked in at the cabin, while we hurried off to the SuperLodge in Kingston, where we have stayed before, and luckily knew enough to stop on the way to the cabin and check in earlier, so we could turn up the heat, and figure out the cockamamie room lights, so we didn't return to our dark and frozen digs at midnight, that would be more like a Siberian gulag than a warm and welcoming hostelry for wandering tourists, thanks not. In the morning, we enjoyed breakfast back at the cabin, featuring pancakes fresh off the griddle and yummy cinnamon buns right out of the oven, as well as more desserts - because let's face it, there's no such thing as too much dessert, after all. We had to watch the clock in order to make sure we got my sister back to the station in plenty of time for her bus home, but we still managed to squeeze in some shopping along the way while we were there, in spite of it all. We left at a reasonable time for the trip home, first stopping for dinner at Denny's in Newburgh as usual, which is always a welcome part of our travels. Everything else went smooth as silk, which was a good thing, since we were both going to work on Monday, and didn't need any calamities cropping up at the eleventh hour, that's for sure. Once Christmas II, the Sequel was finally in the books at last, a normal person could be forgiven for expecting that the Christmas Caravan was well and truly finished with its various rounds, and could finally pull into the terminus at long last, but not so. There was still one more stop to make before we could pack up the garland and sleigh bells for another year, as hard as that might seem to believe. On the other hand, everyone knows I always say, you just can't make this stuff up. Elle