For Whom The Bell Tolls

Hello World, Happy April! I hope that whatever holidays you may or may not have celebrated last week, if any, were chockfull of food, folks, and fun, and exceeded all of your expectations for the occasion, and The Holiday Police notwithstanding. Around here, Easter Sunday was a nice enough day, although nothing to write home about in terms of the weather, but it must be said that the Easter Bunny showed up right on time, and there were no complaints with the sweets he left behind, I can assure you. (Brownie-filled pretzel nuggets, I ask you!) Since then, the weather has had more downs than ups, but we are reminded of the old saying, "April showers bring May flowers," and so console ourselves with these timeless words of wisdom. If that isn't enough to turn that frown upside-down, I'd be happy to recommend some brownie-filled pretzel nuggets, which would be just what the doctor ordered - that is, if only the Easter Bunny was a doctor, alas. Of course, before Easter is Holy Week, which at my church includes evening services for Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, that are distinctly different than the regular Sunday worship all the rest of the time. Whenever we make a departure from the ordinary liturgy, it falls on the poor overburdened projector minion to rustle up new slides for the alternate service, with results that can be confusing, alarming, or inadvertently amusing, depending on the changes that have to be made. In any case, that is the only explanation that I have been able to come up with, for what I consider a glaring typo in The Lord's Prayer, of all things, which has been a mainstay of Christian orthodoxy since the very beginning, and which even the most wayward schoolchild knows by heart, and then some. But on Thursday, what greeted bewildered worshipers on the projection screen was this misbegotten curiosity: "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hollowed be Thy name ... " Now admittedly, "hallowed" is a highly peculiar word that would be rarely encountered in everyday usage, and in fact, basically has no other application in the vast reaches of the English language, that I know of, except for the first line of the most famous prayer in the entire world. And it goes without saying - as our old friends the dinosaurs can attest, after all, I've certainly said it countless times already - (all together now!) "The spell-checker's not going to help you with that one, by golly!" Perhaps inspired by the season, I confess that the image of Almighty God as a giant hollow milk chocolate figure sprang immediately to mind, try as I did to suppress it, and I almost laughed out loud at one of the most solemn moments in a very sacrosanct week. And that was without giving up chocolate for Lent, mind you. Meanwhile in sports, the supposedly new and improved New York Mets opened their season on Monday, April 6th in the nation's capital, and by Friday, were already playing .500 ball, with an underwhelming record of 2-2 at this point. Frankly, this seems sadly reminiscent of the old and unimproved Mets of last year instead, and not the red hot 4-0 starts of the Braves, Reds, Rockies, Royals, and Tigers, who have yet to lose a game, home or away. On the other hand, this is still better than the vaunted Yankees, who began the season at a sluggish 1-3, in the bottom of their division, and losing all three games in front of the hometown faithful. At any rate, it reminds me that last year was not a total loss for the Amazin's after all. Their very own Jacob deGrom was voted the National League Rookie of the Year, leading the other rookie pitchers in ERA, strikeouts, and wins - although admittedly, it was only 9 wins, but don't forget, this was on a sub-.500 team, so those measly 9 wins were almost 12% of the team's total wins for the entire year. He joins a select company of Mets legends, including Tom Seaver, Jon Matlack, Darryl Strawberry, and Dwight Gooden, with the last one being over 30 years ago to be so honored. There is always a certain amount of controversy when a pitcher wins an award like this, rather than an everyday position player, especially on a losing team, compared with a rookie whose offensive or defensive prowess helped his team into the playoffs, for instance. Interestingly enough, the NL MVP last year was also a pitcher, but I tend to doubt there was any real controversy about that, because the stats speak for themselves. Clayton Kershaw of the LA Dodgers went 21-3, with an incredible 1.77 ERA, on a 94-68 team that was unfortunately eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. For his part, Kershaw became the first NL pitcher to win the award since the legendary Bob Gibson of the Cardinals, way back in 1968, who went 22-9 with a mind-boggling ERA of 1.12 (!!!) on a 97-65 team on their way to the World Series. Anyway, deGrom is obviously a long way from Gibson territory, but let's face it, Rookie of the Year is a good place to start. Even more surprisingly, the Mets management sallied forth in the off-season to snap up free-agent Michael Cuddyer from the Rockies, a legitimate slugger who won the batting title in 2013, and maintained a batting average over .330 for two years in a row. This is a big part of what's supposed to be "new and improved" in Flushing this season, giving their long-suffering fans reason to hope for brighter days ahead. After all, there's only so much that brownie-filled pretzel nuggets can help, if the team doesn't win, and you can feel free to ask Dr. Easter Bunny if you don't believe me. On the local scene, for anybody who hasn't bought a doorbell in the last 100 years or so, as we certainly hadn't, I can tell you that you should definitely check it out, and no mistake. Nowadays, these heretofore undistinguished workhorses come pre-programmed with dozens upon dozens of electronic options to choose among, from "Fur Elise" to "Tiger Rag," from "The Mexican Hat Dance" to "Chopsticks," from "Moon River" to "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain When She Comes," and just about everything in between, I dare say. There are synthesized versions of Broadway show tunes, folk songs, pop music, classical snippets, holiday favorites, TV themes, patriotic standards, and even some popular ethnic ditties tossed in to keep the foreigners happy. A poor overwhelmed person would hardly know where to start with this dizzying amount of variety, and like answering machines where people don't bother to record their own message, it's a wonder that these newfangled doorbells don't come with a default setting that just says, "Thank you for ringing our doorbell" when someone comes calling. Why, you could just go right ahead and change your chime every single week for an entire year, and not have the same one twice - or change it based on the events, festivals, or weather of each season as it goes along - and really keep people guessing as to what they might be hearing next. It's enough to make total strangers just scamper around pressing random doorbells all over the place, to find out what would be the "ring of the day" in one neighborhood or another. The dinosaurs can tell you, this is not your grandfather's doorbell, by golly (and they ought to know) and not by a long shot, that's for sure. Anyone in the local area is welcome to come on over here and give it a try, and you could easily tell that you're at the right house, because ours is playing "Alley Cat." Elle