Over Kill

Hello World, Happy Halloween! Of course, the big day is technically on Saturday, but as we all know, it's basically been Halloween in the stores since just about back-to-school time. (And I don't mind saying that I'm a big fan of those fun-size back-to-school candies, yum!) Since Halloween is on the weekend, Friday is normally the day I would be wearing my costume to work, spreading joy wherever I go, and maybe picking up some treats along the way. Alas, it's one of the fun things I truly miss about my old job at the Employer of Last Resort, and the temporary job where I am now doesn't seem to have that same happy-go-lucky approach to the workday that would embrace such frivolity, and more's the pity, I'm sure. So I'll be going to work on Friday dressed as an ordinary everyday office temp, rather than a cartoon character or historical legend like SpongeBob SquarePants or Cleopatra, and appearing as mundane and respectable as any one person could possibly look. But I can tell you in my innermost heart of hearts, I will be Hello Kitty through and through. Meow! In other depressing news, so far there has been no joy in Mudville, at least on the local front, as the World Series has gotten off to a rocky start with the Mets losing the first two games, thanks not. Of course, the Royals are no slouch, having been in the World Series as recently as last year. In fact, ESPN tells me that they are the first AL team since 1961 to return to the World Series the following year, after losing the 7th game the previous season, so that tells you something right there. In an interesting coincidence, the franchise entered the league in 1969, the year the Mets won the World Series, and last won the World Series in 1985, the year before the Mets last won in 1986. On the other hand, the Mets are also nobody's patsy, and once again it's ESPN who informs us that the team has the most World Series appearances of any expansion team in the history of major league baseball. That may not sound like much, but it encompasses 14 teams since 1960, so that's quite a pile to be on top of. I admit that it would be cold consolation if they lose this year, but I'm sure the Royals fans said the same thing last year, so all we can do at this point is hope for the best. Obviously next time around, the front office needs to do a better job of having the evil spirit of Affirms jinx the opposing team, and not just leave these things to chance, after all. And speaking of taking chances, I heard on the radio yesterday that misguided tourists have suffered more injuries from taking dangerous selfie shots with their phones, than being attacked by sharks in treacherous waters - and don't even get me started on the perils of tourists taking selfie shots with sharks, by golly. And for people who feel that they don't already have enough ways to kill themselves, it reminds me of another story on the radio about how to figure your chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse - and I think we can all agree that there is woefully too little information on this subject at the moment, heaven knows. Apparently there's an app (there's always an app!) that takes into account the current population of your location, and factors in the number of people buried in the local cemeteries, and gives you the odds you can expect if and when the undead rise up en masse, and the unthinkable suddenly becomes all too real. According to their figures, the worst places to be when re-animated corpses hit the streets would be Boston, Bridgeport and Hartford in Connecticut (I've been to Bridgeport, and I see no reason to quarrel with their findings) and some odd spot called Nashville, Texas, of all places. I think it was Mark Twain (although he attributed it to the famous statesman Benjamin Disraeli) who railed against what he referred to as "lies, damned lies, and statistics," so you may feel free to regard your own results with the proverbial grain of salt, and I in no way vouch for their accuracy, much less the credibility of the whole idea. Personally, I think we're a little too close to Bridgeport and Hartford for comfort, under the circumstances, so I'm counting on some sort of Early Zombie Warning System to alert us when it's time to make a run for the hills. Unless of course, the evil spirit of Affirmed has anything to do with it, in which case, the zombies would be in charge of the Early Zombie Warning System, and that would be the end of that, I dare say. Heading for the hills reminds me of another travel tidbit that I came across in my recent online excursions through cyberspace with all of its many wonders. Bill's family history traces back through the illustrious Clan Maxwell and their ancestral home on the southern coast of Scotland in Dumfries. Our friends at www.VisitScotland.com describe it this way: "Visit Caerlaverock Castle and discover one of Scotland's great medieval fortresses." They go on for several paragraphs about its many distinguishing features, such as a moat, twin towers, imposing battlements, and even reproduction siege engines. Modern travelers can enjoy snacks in the tea room, as well as nature trails through the grounds, and a playground for the youngsters. Lest potential visitors get carried away and giddy with excitement, they close with this curiously ominous advisory: ================================ Very occasionally the property has to close at short notice due to adverse weather conditions or other reasons out with our control. ================================ Frankly, I was with them at the moat, the portcullis, the ramparts, the gatehouse, the battlements, the crenellations, and even the siege engines, but once they dredged up "out with our control," they totally lost me, and I'm not sure I ever found myself again, even still. It seemed like a simple concept, but still somehow managed to be entirely beyond my ken, as it were, and I found my last two poor addled brain cells (who I have renamed Loch and Ness for the occasion) wandering aimlessly around, as if through the foggy mists of heath and moor that dot the landscape of the Lowlands - or perhaps even more so, under the influence of countless distilleries that produce the legendary spirit that bears their name. In fact, I'm thinking that Scotch might not be such a bad strategy for the upcoming zombie apocalypse after all, although even better would be tricking them into taking selfie shots in shark-infested waters, but admittedly that would be out with our control. Elle