Church and State

Hello World, Eventful times ahead! We find ourselves not only at the weekend of Super Bowl Sunday (happy 50th, NFL!) but also at the time we want to wish everyone a very Hong Kong Bok Choy, because of course, Monday will be Chinese New Year, and we certainly don't want to miss the (dragon) boat on that one, fortune cookie. In the cycle of Chinese birth signs, 2016 is the Year of the Monkey, and I expect that we will be looking forward to a big bunch of monkeyshines, besides all manner of monkey wrenches in the works, and not to mention, a barrel of monkeys, no doubt. Specifically this year is considered a "fire" monkey, which is described as "ambitious and adventurous but irritable." Monkeys can be clever and well-respected, as well as wealthy, with an auspicious career. Our friends at www.travelchinaguide.com describe them as: "...lively, flexible, quick-witted and versatile. They are admired for their gentleness and honesty, which may bring them an everlasting love. Although they were born with enviable skills, they still have several shortcomings, such as an impetuous temper and a tendency to look down upon others. Their strengths are being enthusiastic, self-assured, sociable, and innovative; however, they can also be jealous, suspicious, cunning, selfish, and arrogant." So for anyone born in 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004 or now, go right on out there and make a monkey's uncle out of yourself, and don't spare the bananas, my good man! Speaking of eventful times, it was supposed to be the previous Sunday, on January 24th, that we had our annual congregational meeting at church - and some of us (who shall remain nameless, and for good reason) had been practicing their shouting, fisticuffs, hymnal throwing, and chair tossing skills, just in case. Alas, the good Lord, in His infinite wisdom, had other plans, and elected instead to pummel the region with a virtual avalanche of snow (up to 36" in some areas) until even the staunchest Lutherans among us, with the stoutest Calvinist character-building determination, finally had to admit defeat in the face of implacable nature, and give it up as a lost cause. (On the other hand, it occurred to many of us in retrospect that having the meeting at a more weather-friendly season of the year - like May, for instance, rather than January - might very well be an idea whose time has actually come, and that's not just the snowshoes talking, believe me.) So the meeting was unavoidably postponed for the following week, and we wound up having it instead on the 31st, just barely squeaking in under the wire on the last day of the month by the skin of our proverbial teeth, as it were. The weather was better by then, but the roads and sidewalks were still somewhat dicey, and the meeting was sparsely attended by the hardy few - or should I say, the stout Calvinist character-building determined few of the proud Lutheran tradition from glorious centuries past. The meeting itself was amicable (I won't say, unexpectedly so) and not especially lengthy or tiresome, considering that we covered all agenda items and actually conducted the business that needed to be taken care of. The fact that there was not a punch thrown (or a chair or hymnal, for that matter) continues to be a remarkable change of pace for us old-timers, and I don't mind saying, can only be considered an improvement over the bad old days in (what used to be the inaptly named) Fellowship Hall. Anyway, so now we have that out of the way at last, and we can put it behind us for another year, and move on to more important pursuits, like tormenting grouchy Christians who have given up chocolate for Lent. Oh, for heaven's sake, put down that chair! Meanwhile at work, I can tell you for a fact that at the real estate management office where I work now as a temp, they spent many tens of thousands of dollars on a project to renovate the bathrooms on four floors (and it must be said that they came out looking amazing, as indeed they should have, at that price) only to find the tenants and their visitors making an unholy mess out of them, even more so than usual, as impossible as that seemed at the time. As a result, I was requested by the management to walk around a memo asking people to please be more neat and considerate of the new bathrooms, and treat them as carefully as they would their own bathrooms at home - and which your average person might consider a perfectly reasonable proposal under the circumstances. Well, I don't mind saying that I was universally reviled at every turn, and could not have been more unpopular if I had been walking around with a memo asking people to sign up for bubonic plague, or volunteer with the presidential campaign of Dr. Evil. (I mean it, put down that chair!) I won't go so far as to imply that the tenants are deliberately sabotaging the new bathrooms out of spite, but they're certainly not treating them with kid gloves, or taking a proprietary interest in them, as their "home away from home" might inspire some attachment in their innermost being. Apparently their innermost being is a juvenile delinquent whose highest form of expression is vandalism, and presenting them with elegant new bathrooms is akin to casting pearls before the proverbial swine, and that's not just a load of hogwash, by golly. I'd like to say that the notice did some good, and the tenants cleaned up their collective act, but I think we all know the outcome of that particular experiment, and frankly, it doesn't look good. But one thing I am sure about, if they ask me to do anything like that again, you can bet that I'll be bringing a chair with me, and I'm not afraid to use it. And speaking of fear and loathing in the workplace (I'm not going to tell you again, put down that chair!) it reminds me of a recent experience in banking land, which I would rather forget than otherwise. As a bank of last resort, HSBC comes pretty close, and it continues to astound me that their entire ideology seems designed to prohibit access to their services, drive away customers in droves, and wear down even the most persistent individuals with an endless array of insurmountable obstacles at their disposal. It has been my experience (more than once) that if you were foolhardy enough to try and open an account at HSBC (silly you!) it would not be like pulling teeth, which would be a walk in the park by comparison - but rather more like pushing a camel through the eye of a needle, only harder. On the other hand, on my last trip there, I discovered to my surprise that if you want to close an account, by George, you will find that they can't get you in and out of the place fast enough, and they will go right ahead and close that account so quick, it will make your head spin. As a business model, I have to wonder what's wrong with this picture, where they're a hundred times more anxious to eliminate customers than to gain them. It's like the whole operation is really just a front for the clandestine business being conducted behind the scenes, which for all we know, might be a meth lab, fight club, bordello, or secret Mafia hide-out, I shouldn't wonder. If I were a person of unlimited curiosity, I would probably sneak in the back and check it out, but unfortunately, I left my chair at church. Elle