Word Of Mouth

Hello World, Happy July! It doesn't seem possible that half of 2016 is over already and in the books, but that's exactly where we find ourselves, and no buts about it. Next week, I'll be packing up to go on vacation (YAY) which seems a lot less daunting now that the weather has finally started to cooperate and act like it's actually summer out there - much more so than just a few weeks ago, when it was damp and blustery with overnight lows scraping the 50's, and the idea of days on the beach and nights in the woods held very little appeal, I can assure you. Alert readers may wonder, and well may they wonder indeed, if the time for my vacation is upon us, whatever happened to the venerable Highland Games in Norwalk that we enjoy every year around this time? Last year, we decided to swap them out with Irish games on the same weekend, which was an interesting change of pace, but not necessarily representative of the event. So this time around, our friends invited us to sample one of the grandest Irish festivals in the region, the rollicking Irish Fest at Fairfield University spanning 3 days over the Father's Day weekend in June, and not to mention, a special Celebration Mass on Thursday as well. This wide-ranging Celtic bonanza features folk dancing, games, sports, rides, ethnic food, vendors, children's activities, agricultural exhibits, and more music and entertainment options than you would think could be crammed into one campus, and that's no blarney. We were really looking forward to a double-fisted time of putting on the green, and more pomp and pageantry than you could shake a shillelagh at - but unfortunately, our friends' plans fell through at the last minute, and had to cancel. This left us woefully bereft of bagpipes this year so far, and as far as I can tell, not an improvement by any stretch of the imagination. Garcon, more green beer, if you please! People who don't regularly shop at Staples on behalf of their employers may not be aware that you can buy postage stamps there, in booklets or coils, and how handy is that. I was there a few weeks ago picking up office supplies for my temporary job, and also stamps, and I admit that I left the store shaking my head. When I checked the receipt later, I noticed they charged $47 for a coil of 100 stamps, which confused me because the last time I bought stamps to send out Christmas cards, I paid $49 for a hundred, since the stamps were 49c each, thanks not. (And I don't mind saying that the dinosaurs and I can remember sending mail home to our friends from camping at Wildwood, and it cost all of 6c - and which I'm sure we complained about at the time even then, by George.) Of course, everybody knows that the price of postage never goes down, heaven forbid, so I was understandably baffled at this turn of events. Later I was at the supermarket, where they also sell stamps, and in fact, the overhead public address recording was encouraging me to do just that, with the added incentive that the cost of stamps had gone down, and I could now buy them for 47c each and use them forever. Personally, I thought this was kind of a dirty trick, since I had already bought 100 stamps in November at 49c each, and now I realized that every time I mailed something with those stamps, I was losing 2c on the deal on every one - and once again, thanks so very much not. It's no wonder the colonists threw tea overboard into Boston Harbor, in fact, it's a miracle that they didn't just go ahead and toss Alexander Hamilton himself overboard, right along with it, and who could blame them. Meanwhile in entertainment news, let me say this about that: "##*%^@<>*##!!" (FYI for anyone who wondered, that's known as a "grawlix" when writers use a string of arbitrary symbols to represent curse words, a concept that has been around more than a century according to our friends at Grammarphobia, which is way before you would think such a device would have been needed, I dare say.) In any event, are you tired of sitting through movies you think you would like, but being affronted by the bad language, nudity, and graphic violence that permeates the whole experience like a noxious odor? You're in luck! Our friends at VidAngel have heard your cries of anguish, and they have the perfect solution for you. [Please feel free to go right ahead and visit their web site at www.vidangel.com and see for yourself.] You simply sign up for their service and pick out a movie, then pay them $20 so you officially own the copy you want to watch. Once it's officially your copy, you can apply whatever filters you want, and they will block, excise, or disable the offensive portions, so you can enjoy the movie in good conscience on your own terms. The best part is that when you're finished, you sell it back to them for $19, so the entire transaction costs you only $1.00 to see the movie you want, the way you want to see it. In any case, ya gotta love their slogan, which is "Watch Movies However The Bleep You Want" - or should I say, "%%*&^@><##*&&!!" "Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear ..." as they used to say in the old movie serials that the dinosaurs and I would enjoy at the magic lantern cave (obviously there was no such thing as a drive-in then, since Thak hadn't invented the wheel yet) on the great unformed land masses in the primordial ooze. Sometimes you don't know where you're going to be accosted with a blast from the past, and often in the most unexpected ways. I was at my temporary job at the real estate office when the eager young maintenance fellow came bounding into the office, breathless with the announcement that he had spotted a praying mantis in the bushes. This came as astonishing news to me, since I haven't actually clapped eyes on one personally in probably 25 years or thereabouts, and the dinosaurs even more so, I shouldn't wonder. But then I recollected myself and considered the source: our young Greg is a strapping youth, tall and limber with boundless energy - but all of about 20 years old, who believes in UFO's, has a survival plan for the zombie apocalypse, and has never heard of John F. Kennedy or Simon & Garfunkel. What are the odds, I found myself wondering, that he would have any idea what a real praying mantis actually looked like? I was just about to tell him that it was probably a cricket, although I hated to spoil his day, but I needn't have worried. The irrepressible Greg is a product of modern times, and leaving nothing to chance, of course he snapped a picture of this exotic visitor on his phone - which in fact turned out to be exactly what he claimed it was, a full-grown praying mantis on the fence next to the parkway right-of-way. Evolutionists may scoff, but I know that praying mantises (manti?) can't just magically appear individually out of nowhere, so that means there must be at least 2 of them out there somewhere, doing their part to keep the breed alive, and I don't mind saying, doing a heck of a job at it by all appearances. So that was our trip down Memory Lane for this week, and glad to see proof of what I could only have imagined to be a long-extinct relic from those halcyon days of yore, relegated to the scrap heap of history, like quill pens, mimeograph machines, Beta Max, and Microsoft Bob. (Oh, hit that easy target!) Now, Greg is an enthusiastic lad, and will no doubt keep his eyes peeled for more of the elusive creatures, and if he finds the second half of the pair, I'm thinking of calling them "Simon" and "Garfunkel." Or as the dinosaurs and I used to say back in the magic lantern cave, "Hello darkness, my old friend." And speaking of the young whipper-snappers of today ("Get off my lawn!") alert readers on social media may have felt emotionally hamstrung over the years on FaceBook - where your choices when responding to posts from friends and strangers alike was either to ignore it, or click on LIKE, either of which option might seem particularly inappropriate when you wanted to show empathy for someone who may have suffered a tragedy, and frankly, even when you agreed with a post, sometimes LIKE was simply not the impression you wanted to convey. What to do, oh, what to do? [Please insert pathetic cartoon character with elaborate hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth here.] Ta da - modern technology to the rescue! The nerd network behind FaceBook met this challenge with the steely resolve that is their trademark, and presented a clamoring public with a whole new range of custom pictographs (known as "emojis" in whipper-snapper-speak, they tell me, and which seems to be borne out by the howls of derisive laughter from our old friends the dinosaurs in The Peanut Gallery) to cover every eventuality in just the right way. Now, besides the ubiquitous LIKE, you also have your choice of LOVE, HAHA, WOW, SAD, or ANGRY right at your very fingertips, as befits any situation that may come your way, so hand-wringing and teeth-gnashing can be a thing of the past. Sort of like the praying mantises, or in the immortal words of Simon & Garfunkel, "Like a bridge over troubled waters, @@*&^%$~//*##!!" Elle