Test Pattern

Hello World, Well, to say that there is no joy in Mudville would certainly be understating the case to a large degree, and which I don't mind saying, does not take the sting out of it by any means. After clawing their way to a 3-2 lead in the playoff series, the plucky Yankees lost the last 2 games, one might say in decisive fashion, and were eliminated by the Astros, alas. The World Series started in Dodger Stadium on Tuesday, at a record-setting 103 sweltering degrees at game time, the first time in baseball history that triple digit temperatures had been recorded for the somewhat inaptly named Fall Classic. There was no relief in sight for Game 2, and the way things are going in California lately, this might be the only time in the major leagues that games are postponed due to fire. So far the series is knotted up at one game apiece, and whether the clubs prefer to leave the heat wave of Los Angeles, for hurricane-ravaged Houston over the next 3 games, remains to be seen. And I have to believe that somewhere, James Taylor is having a big laugh. (His decidedly non-baseball-related lyrics of “I've seen fire, and I've seen rain” seem oddly and geographically appropriate under the circumstances.) Another casualty of the pinstripe predicament was long-time manager Joe Girardi, who was summarily given the boot by the front office, after leading the Bombers to a respectable 910-710 record and a World Series title over the course of his 10-year stint in the Bronx. Of course, if the management isn't happy with that level of competence, there’s another out-of-work figure these days on the New York sports scene, and that’s the Knicks’ (very much not sorely missed) Phil Jackson, who could bring his ill-conceived triangle offense to The House That Ruth Built, and try his luck there. (Note to Yankees GM Brian Cashman: ONLY KIDDING!!!) Also losing a job recently was Terry Collins of the hapless Mets, whose earnest efforts and dogged determination could not translate to success on the field, no matter how hard he tried. Now, it’s true that the under-performing Mets have stymied the managerial talents of stout-hearted men for over 50 years, and I can't say that I envy the next in line to pick up the proverbial gauntlet and give it the old college try, as they say. But personally, I only hope that Mets GM Sandy Alderson doesn't have Phil Jackson’s phone number, and I’m not just whistling Dixie, believe me. Speaking of whistling Dixie, never one to let a technological conundrum pass him by, we get the following test case from Bill: ============================ So -- here's today's experiment. They've re-tweaked Siri twice since then, so I figured I'd see if my kvetches still held true. I opened the Notes app, chose the microphone button and started reading from here: https://www.scoutsongs.com/lyrics/dixie.html And this is the result: Oh I wish I was in the land of cotton old times there are not forgotten look away look away look away Dixieland and Dixieland what I was born early on a frustrating morning look away look away look away Dixieland I wish I was in Dixie hooray hooray in Dixieland I'll take my stand to live and die in Dixie away away away down south in Dixie away away away down south in Dixie all Mrs. Mary will leave the weaver Willem was a gay deceivers look away look away look away Dixieland but when he put his arm around her he smiled fierce is a 40 pounder look away look away look away Dixieland his face was sharp as a butchers cleaver but that did not seem to grieve her look away look away look away Dixieland or Mrs. acted the foolish card and tied for a man that broke her heart look away look away look away Dixieland Pretty good, actually. But then I said, "You know, that's not really Siri doing it. Let's try her. I said "Hey Siri [ding!] New note." "What would you like the note to say?" and here is the sadly shortcominged result. Oh I wish I was in the land of cotton old times there are not forgotten look away look away look away Dixieland dixie land war I was born ================================= Well, that first one really had me there, right up until the part about "he smiled fierce is a 40 pounder," and I can certainly see where that would be "early on a frustrating morning," for anybody, I dare say. For her turn at bat and taking a swing at the folk standard, SIRI seemed her usual abrupt self, and obviously had no patience with the rustic charms of Daniel Decatur Emmett and his wandering look away look away look away lyrics, by cracky. Now, it must be said that Bill has altered the SIRI function on his phone, so that she sounds like a very cultured British lady, and it can't help but make you wonder if one of the options was a gracious Southern belle instead, if she might be a lot more receptive to this whole Dixieland idea in the first place, honey child. Meanwhile on the local scene, last week all of us in our little sylvan enclave received a message from our social committee about a pumpkin carving event taking place on Sunday afternoon, to which everyone was invited to bring their pumpkins and tools and join in the fun. One of the new neighbors (whose name I recognize, but not someone I know personally) sent the following response: =========================== Sorry, Just got called for hospital emergency, will not make it later today Jake =========================== I was surprised to see by the signature in his email, that this ostensibly pumpkin-hating individual was no less than the Deputy Chief Surgeon for the New York City Police Department, of all things, which certainly casts a whole new light on his declining of the invitation, one might say on impeccable grounds. Naturally, I wrote back to him, calling his priorities into question in some rather strong language. (It's possible the expression "Jeepers!" may have been invoked, on top of it all.) For his part, he seemed to have appreciated the absurdity of the situation when he sent me back a smiley face by way of reply. Soon after that, our neighborhood association leadership sent out a message about Energize New Rochelle, a program whereby residents can avail themselves of free home energy assessments, to improve energy efficiency, lower their energy costs, and increase the comfort and value of their homes. I felt it was incumbent on me to set the record straight: ========================= Actually, our drafty old Victorian white elephant has long since been heating up the wide outdoors for as long as I've been here, so this whole neighborhood should be warmer for everyone else! From us at #181 (teeth chattering) ========================== They also sent me back the appropriately amusing emojis, to let me know that our selfless contributions to the neighborhood climate did not go unappreciated, so that was gratifying in its own way. At least I'm already doing better than Terry Collins and Joe Girardi, at least in the appreciation category, not to mention all Mrs. Mary and her suitor with the face like a butcher's cleaver, look away look away look away. Say, who let Phil Jackson in here? Elle

Ding Dong

Hello World, Well, where has the month gone, I ask you that. It seems like it just got started, and here it is, well on its way to being over already. Of course, it doesn't help that we're still seeing local temperatures in the 70's and 80's at the moment, so it doesn't seem that it could possibly be as late in the year as it really is, no matter how you look at it. Not to mention, all of the trees are still full of happy green leaves, which have so far resisted the impulse to change color, but also haven't dropped off onto the ground, so from the looks of things, it should still be summer. I'll tell you, if it ever does turn into actual fall weather in these parts, it’s going to come as a cold shock to just about everybody, that’s for sure. Earmuffs, anyone? And speaking of the time of year, it can't be denied that general elections are basically right around the corner in November, as anyone can see who hasn't been living under a rock for the past month. Driving around Yonkers, a person can't help but notice political signs across the entire ideological spectrum, stuck helter-skelter in every vacant lot, or attached to fences along the way. One that caught my eye as I was cruising by was for the estimable Kenneth L. Bunting, who is apparently running for Westchester County Family Court Judge, and well deserving of our support, I have no doubt. But it begs the question of what type of patriotic decorations there might be festooning his campaign headquarters – as if I didn't know! (You youngsters out there, ask your grandparents what “bunting” is.) Also this time of year, what hasn't been happening in sports lately, by golly. After squeaking into the playoffs by way of the Wild Card, the Yankees improbably knocked off the top team in the American League, the Cleveland Indians with their vaunted 102-60 season record, to advance to the next round. From there, they ran straight into the buzz-saw that is the Houston Astros, but played them tough, and still managed to tie up the series at 2 games each, and then even more improbably, went on to win the 5th game handily. For their part, I'm sure the Astros with their impressive 101-61 season record, are looking at the Yanks’ somewhat paltry 91-71 record, and wondering where it all went wrong. The Bombers can close out the series in 6 games, or Houston could force a 7th game, but this is still a lot closer to the World Series than the home-town fans had any reason to expect this year, and that’s not just the peanuts and Cracker Jacks talking, believe me. On the NL side of things, the Dodgers have been manhandling the Cubs, and looked like they might sweep them right out of the picture in 4 straight, but it ended up taking 5 games instead. Of course, a World Series match-up of the Yankees and Dodgers would put us old timers in mind of those halcyon days of yore, when a subway series between these two neighboring clubs would have set The Big Apple on its collective ear, just like it did in the rivalry’s heyday before the Dodgers pulled up stakes and left town in 1959. Now, that’s not to say that Houston and Los Angeles might not have their very own rivalry, but to baseball purists, it’s just not the same thing at all. Alas, where is Ebbets Field when you need it? (You youngsters can ask your grandparents about that one too, while you're at it.) Meanwhile on the gridiron, I'm sure that everyone will be relieved to hear that the Giants finally managed to win a game after all (YAY!) handily besting the Denver Broncos, of all things. The surprising Jets, however, were no match for the Patriots, and slipped back below .500 again, in spite of a strong effort on their part. Of course, things can always be worse, like in Cleveland or San Francisco, where the local teams both jumped out to identical 0-6 records to start the season, no doubt to the dismay of their long-suffering fans, I shouldn't wonder. (Heck, even the perennial laughing-stock Detroit Lions are doing better than that.) Meanwhile indoors, the NBA has just gotten underway, and although both the Knicks and Nets have started out 0-1, I think we can all agree that it’s far too early for panic. Hockey has been going on for a little while now, and the Rangers have stumbled badly out of the gate, going 1-7 in their first 8, while the Devils have roared off on a 6-1 tear in the same period, thanks not. At this rate, it could end up being a very long season, before things finally wind down in June - especially that now, here in New York, we've entered that most treacherous time of year when we can actually watch our favorite teams in four different sports all lose at the very same time, and once again, thanks so very much not. And while we're on the topic of bad things, we have our tech maven Bill to thank for more insights into the Siri function on our phones: ============================================ The funny thing is, Siri has always been TERRIBLE at real dictation. When I first got her, I tried doing what they recommended -- dictating in the Notes app -- exactly the way they recommended it, and it stunk. The worst thing is, you can't pausebecauseifyoudoshe'llthinkthat'stheendofwhatyouwantherto *ding* write. And even if you do get your thoughts together well enough to keep going -- usually impossible for me -- she STILL *dings* after she's reached the limit of her concentration. You ARE lucky in one small way, though. The new Siri is not only still awful at that, but abrupt and rude too. You've heard her -- she not only talks faster, but now explains things like I'm the Town Idiot. "All right, I will remind you to check the ice machine today, October tenth, two thousand and seventeen at two pm, [sotto voce] you jerk." =============================================== Well, now actually I don't feel so bad about the trouble I had trying to dictate a note using this feature, rather than retyping the whole document all over again from scratch. Much like the Jets, Giants, Knicks, Nets, and Rangers, it seems like there's plenty of room for improvement in the Siri situation, and that's not just whistling Dixie, I can tell you that. In fact, if it was Siri whistling Dixie, she would only have gotten as far as "I wish I was in the land of cotton ....." before she cut it off completely, tossed in a Confederate flag emoji, and as Bill suggested, ended with "you jerk" to wrap it all up. Well, here's some news for you, Siri, because I've got 2 words for you too, and it's not - Ebbets Field

Apples And Oranges

Hello World, Greetings again from our little corner of Paradise, in the optimistic hope that this Friday the 13th has not tossed any unlucky spells your way, on top of all the usual craziness out there in these wild and woolly days. Of course, it does no good to complain about the weather, heaven knows, which has gone from ridiculous, to absurd, to incomprehensible, to completely off the charts – and no end in sight as far as I can tell. At this rate, we'll be wearing shorts and tank tops at Christmas, and hardy parkas with long johns at Easter, I dare say. Honestly, you can't make this stuff up. One significant disadvantage of the weather, at least for the leaf peepers among us, has been the almost total lack of leaves changing colors in the fall like they're supposed to, thanks not. The northeast is justifiably famous for its fiery-hued vistas all throughout the region, along the highways, rivers, and scenic overlooks everywhere, with one breath-taking landscape after another, and drawing fall foliage enthusiasts from miles away in every direction. Not so fast! As a result of a combination of factors (according to whoever you believe, it’s either been too hot, too cold, too dry, too wet, too sunny, too cloudy, too windy, or just too inconsistent) the trees have stayed almost uniformly green, even at this late date. The newspapers have been running side-by-side pictures from previous years compared to now, and the difference is nothing short of astounding. In fact, I've heard rumors that the New England Tourism Board is preparing to enlist volunteers to go around and paint the leaves by hand, but I'm sure we can all agree that hopefully it won't come to that. On the other hand, last Saturday was the locally renowned Mill Neck Apple Festival at the sumptuous estate of Mill Neck Manor, and the weather could not have been more delightful for this purpose if it tried. We hit the road good and early, which was just as well, since the traffic was turning into quite a mess, perhaps due to the long weekend for Columbus Day. We picked up my sister and made a bee-line to Denny’s for lunch, which was so uncharacteristically busy that we actually had to sit and wait for a table to open up. From there, we took what amounted to a leisurely ramble through the dense shade of the north shore of Long Island, almost as far as you can go without driving right into the Sound (not in MY car, you don't!) and reached our destination without any trouble. Mill Neck Manor was constructed in 1923, and is situated on a bucolic estate with lush rolling hills throughout its pristine 86 acres, and was formerly the residence of cosmetics heiress Lillian Sefton Dodge. Besides the luxurious manor house itself, the property is home to the Mill Neck Family of Organizations, including Mill Neck Services Center for Hearing Health, Mill Neck Manor School for the Deaf, Mill Neck Foundation, Mill Neck International, and Lutheran Friends of the Deaf . I had been there once before to attend a church workshop in 2005, and found it to be such a wonderful hidden gem that I was glad for a chance to return once again. For a place that basically nobody has ever heard of, we were surprised to discover that the property was absolutely mobbed, from one end to the other, in spite of charging $15 admission per car, thanks not. Like most community events nowadays, it featured the requisite bouncy castles, slides, and petting zoo, as well as a handful of kiddie rides and activities to keep the youngsters entertained. There was also a panoply of vendor tents sprawling out in every direction, plus food options of every description, and more than a few that defied description (frozen hot chocolate???) so there was no danger of anyone starving to death, I can assure you. And in stark (and welcome) contrast to the Fall Festival at Wildwood recently, this one packed a veritable wallop of everything we felt was missing from the previous gathering. Besides a bumper crop of apples, obviously, there was a wide assortment of other produce, like local corn, tomatoes, pumpkins, peas, beans, squash, pears, lettuce, and carrots. There were jars upon jars of honey, jam, maple syrup, preserves, marmalade, and chutney, as well as bottles upon bottles of wine, vinegar, craft beer, salad dressing, and infused olive oils to suit every taste. Home-made candies, pies, cakes, muffins, cupcakes, fudge, and artisanal breads and cheeses tempted the susceptible on every side, plus vendor trucks hawking the usual fair fare of funnel cakes, churros, cotton candy, and ice cream. An impressive array of booths featured lovingly hand-crafted items such as baby clothes, jewelry, scarves, toys, bags, soap, candles, ponchos, wall art, novelty hats, holiday decorations, landscape elements, and extravagant hand-knit sweaters that were a marvel to behold. Bill couldn't resist a painting of Long Island, and I think we can all agree that a sack of apples was de rigueur under the circumstances, after all. Unaccountably nestled among the vast multitude, my old alma mater, the East Meadow High School and their admirable honor society had their own booth, for reasons that are still unclear to me. Bill felt compelled to buy me one of their T-shirts, although in the interests of full disclosure, I felt it was only fair to let them know that I was way too dumb in high school to get anywhere near the honor society, that’s for sure. For their part, they accepted this admission with good grace, and did not begrudge the purchase - which turned out to be nothing more than an ASL logo and no affiliation with the honor society at good old EMHS, because let's face it, me wearing that sort of misleading garment would be tantamount to false advertising of the worst stripe, and I ought to know. Fortunately for me, the “Truth in Textiles” law has never been passed, so my clothing could hypothetically say whatever it pleased, without necessarily being true, accurate, appropriate, legal, or even possible, for all anyone cared. On the other hand, I'm sure everyone appreciates the pin-point accuracy that we strive for here, and understands that I would never wear anything that would deliberately deceive, obfuscate, or confound the general public at large, regarding my character, attributes, connections, or accomplishments. Which is why, in spite of the ill-mannered snickering of our old friends the dinosaurs in The Peanut Gallery, I'm wearing a perfectly legitimate shirt that says - Queen of All She Surveys

Phone Tag

Hello World, Happy October! Although it's only fair to point out, as we have all long since realized, that in any month that starts on a Sunday, it won't be long before we're staring down both barrels of Friday the 13th, which we certainly will be doing at the end of the week, alas. But it is the last one for the year, and in fact, there isn't one in January of next year either, so that at least gives us a bit of breathing room from all of that superstitious gloom and doom, as it were. Speaking of gloom and doom, it only took two weeks for the Jets to turn things around in the AFC East, and with two straight wins, they managed to bring themselves up to a respectable .500 record, when more than a few sports pundits (not to mention, their long-suffering fans) morosely predicted them going 0-17 for the season. On the other hand, things could not have gone worse for the poor ill-fated Giants, who inexplicably managed to start 0-4 right out of the gate, and not much chance of salvaging any kind of impressive numbers after that, I dare say. It's true that football seems like a long season, when they don't play the Super Bowl now until February, but there's a very small number of games overall (compared to baseball, basketball or hockey) so each individual game is that much more crucial to the standings. On the other hand, if they played more than one game a week, most of the players wouldn't even last a whole season, so everything is a trade-off, I guess. But with 4/17ths of the season gone already, it must be said that Big Blue has its work cut out for it, and the numbers don't lie. Speaking of numbers, on the baseball side of things, the scrappy Yankees managed to squeak into the playoffs by winning the Wild Card game, with sheer dogged persistence, and on the shoulders of their slugging sensation Aaron Judge, who broke the rookie record for home runs in a season. There's a lot more baseball yet between now and the World Series, but at least they're not already sitting out the off-season (like the hapless Mets) and giving the hometown faithful reason to hope. And speaking of things to look forward to, Halloween will be coming up at the end of the month, and apparently it's not too late to teach an old dog (metaphorically speaking) new tricks (or treats) when it comes to everything spooky. According to a newspaper circular that we received from Michaels (the arts-&-crafts retailer) there is such a thing as The Pumpkin Project (and I have no doubt that you can go visit their web site and see for yourself) where they encourage people to set out a turquoise-colored pumpkin by their door, "to let trick-or-treaters know you have allergy-friendly, non-food treats." Who knew! I was previously unaware of color-coded messages masquerading as decorative pumpkins, so this decidedly came as news to me, I can tell you that. Also on the local scene, I was coming home from work last week and found myself behind a tow truck with a license plate that said: GOTCHA. I don't know why that seemed so funny to me. For some reason, that reminds me of a documentary that I was watching recently on one of the science channels, about archeologists trying to re-construct one of the colossal temples at Karnak in Egypt, which had been an area for pet projects by a long line of pharaohs for thousands of years, and basically, one right on top of another. Some parts of the various temples had collapsed over the course of time due to the inexorable effects of gravity, while others had been plundered by later rulers and used to build their own elaborate edifices instead. Trying to re-assemble everything correctly was proving to be a dauntless task for the intrepid team of experts, and not undertaken lightly, with plenty of the latest technology to help things along. I said to Bill later, I don't know how they used to describe the intricacies of this endeavor before someone invented jigsaw puzzles, because that's always what they say about these types of restoration projects: "It's like a giant jigsaw puzzle." Like trying to describe hail before there were golf balls, I just can't imagine what words they could have used to get their point across. Or as comedian Steven Wright once famously observed, "What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?" And while we're on the topic of things that are new and (supposedly) improved, it was several months ago when I finally had to accept the reality that my old iPhone 4 was becoming less of a help than a hindrance in many ways. The operating system couldn't be updated any more, and the way it was, there were too many apps that wouldn't run on it - and here, I'm talking about things I really needed to work, and not just a bunch of silly games. Bill was feeling the pinch from his old phone as well, so off we toddled to the Apple store in White Plains to see what was new and exciting in the wide world of smart phones that we could upgrade to, and join modern society once again. Bill is easy to please with the latest gadgets and all their various bells and whistles, but I preferred to stick with the iPhone 6S, because I find the newer phones are just too big to fit comfortably in my hand, thanks not. This phone is slightly larger than my old phone, but still small enough for me to handle easily. Of course, like anything else, new phones can be a mixed blessing, and these no different, especially the transition period from one to the other, heaven knows. It helped that we both kept our old phones as well, so there was no question of losing any data along the way, and that was a very reassuring thought. The new phone prominently features the HEY SIRI function, unlike my previous phone, although I have never felt any particular need for it before, so that was no detriment. But a few weeks ago, I had one very long and rambling handwritten document that needed to be digitized, and I decided to try reading it aloud as an email that I could send to my computer at home, and save the step of retyping it all from scratch, so to speak. From a technology standpoint, this did not turn out as successful as might have been hoped, despite much lengthy and earnest effort on my part, I can tell you that. As I read it out loud to SIRI (who, for her part, did seem to be trying her best) the whole thing ended up as something like a dozen separate messages, some of which only contained 6 words before the disembodied apparatus called it quits, and sent it out like that, just as it was, and once again, thanks ever so much not. When all was said and done (literally) it would have been 10 times faster for me to just have retyped the darned thing in the first place, but on the other hand, this is what they call progress, after all, and I ought to know. Of course, if this was our somewhat impatient friend HEY SIRI, she would have long since cut this off right in mid-sentence and