May the Force be with you
Hello World,
There's no escaping the fact that we find ourselves perched on the very brink of August, with so little left of July that if you blink, you might miss it. Technically, we're entering into what they always refer to as the "dog days of summer." I may as well say right here and now that if they throw any more dogs at us, that are anything like last week, then I cannot be responsible for the consequences. I mean, I can take a joke as well as the next fellow, but let's not get ridiculous about this. Last Sunday, I was still working at church after everyone else left, and it was so unbearable in the office that I took off my blouse and skirt, and ended up counting the offering in my underwear. It occurred to me later that if anyone came to the door then, they would probably get a very different impression of our church than otherwise, and think it was a much more interesting place than they might have supposed!
Speaking of ridiculous things, I got a notice from The Vanguard Group, where our church has some of their (tiny) investments, and I'm sure they're a fine and upstanding bunch of folks. The church investments are in an account they call the Vanguard Windsor Fund, which sounds admirable, well-mannered and full of integrity. It just oozes respectability, and carries an air of sophistication, confidence and moral rectitude. I regret that I can't say the same for their other financial offerings, which according to this notice, include Vanguard money market and short-term bond funds, as well as something they refer to as their Vanguard VIPER Shares. Excuse me??? Was the Vanguard marketing department on vacation when some moron dreamed up that name, or had they instead been replaced by pods from the Horrible Idea Planet??? Am I the only person who gets a negative impression from the term "viper" especially as it refers to my investments??? It makes me wonder when the brilliant thinkers at Vanguard are going to come out with their Godzilla Fund, or the Attila the Hun Account. Honestly, I don't understand how people come up with these ideas.
While we're on the subject of brilliant thinkers not saying what they mean, we were greeted with this intriguing notice recently on the AOL Welcome Screen --
=======================
She brought soul to Live 8
Alicia Keys sang with gutso in Philadelphia
=======================
I admit that I don't know what "gutso" is, so I can't tell if she sang with it or not. Going on the theory that they meant "gusto" instead, I think it's good to know that the illiterate people we have typing the messages for our computer department at the hospital can also find work elsewhere. In fact, they're probably looking for people at Vanguard as well.
Bill and I took advantage of the miserable weather lately to go to the movies. There's nothing like walking inside from 150 degree temperatures outdoors, where you're dripping wet and melting from the heat, and sitting in a movie theater that is literally so cold that you have to bring a jacket with you. It was worth it just for that alone, and it was a nice change of pace during a couple of challenging weeks, so I was glad we went. First we saw "Herbie: Fully Loaded" which we had no plans to see (I hadn't seen any of the previous Herbie movies over the years) until we found out that Michael Keaton is in it. I will say right up front that I like Michael Keaton as well as the next person, and probably better than most, but the fact of the matter is that he is no Dean Jones, and that's all there is to it. Still and all, it turned out to be entertaining enough for movies of this type, and many of the people in it were very good, not to mention Herbie, in an "R2-D2" sort of way. After that, we went to see "Fantastic Four" and here again, since I had never read any of the comics with them, I went into it completely without any preconceived notions. We really enjoyed it, and the special effects were astonishing, without being intrusive or gratuitous. That happens so rarely in movies nowadays, where they usually bombard you with special effects just for the sake of special effects, that this was really a pleasant surprise. Also unlike many movies these days (the recent "Star Wars" trilogy springs immediately to mind) this had enough humor in it to make the story enjoyable, so that you cared about the characters. For people who go to the movies on the average of once a year, for us to see two movies in a week was a real departure, and I don't mind saying, a welcome change of scenery. Not to mention, temperature!
That reminds me that we actually went to see the new "Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith" movie in June, which is a story that apparently got lost in the hubbub surrounding my adventures in Crusade-Land later in the month. I feel a certain loyalty to the whole "Star Wars" canon, as it were, having seen all of the early ones in the theaters when they first came out, and appreciating their originality and technical achievements if nothing else. When they started making the new ones, I felt obligated to go see them, if only to maintain my attendance record, and although the newer ones lacked originality, the technical achievements were certainly impressive. On the other hand, I can't say that I cared for the newer set much, and I'm frankly glad that they're finished with this part of them. It continues to amaze me that they can take so many talented people, behind and in front of the cameras, and end up with a movie that entirely lacks interest, cohesiveness, or the remotest credibility. It's generally accepted that even competent actors give the worst performances of their lives in these films, and the stilted dialogue sets a new standard for atrocious writing. They may be a victim of their own success, or an example of how impossible it is to try and please the casual fan as well as the hard-core fanatic. I was prepared to like this last one, figuring it would pull together the various story lines, and tidy up some of the saga's loose ends, in a nicely crafted and satisfying conclusion that we could all rally around. I may be the only one who feels this way, but if anyone thinks that I'm going to believe that scrawny little Hayden Christiansen, through whatever series of misfortunes, is going to grow up to become James Earl Jones, of all people, well, they can just forget that whole idea right this instant. You may as well tell me that Jar-Jar Binks grows up to be Darth Vader while you're at it, because I did not just fall off the turnip truck, and I'm not buying it. In fact, I saw a catalogue that had a costume you could buy for your Mr. Potato Head doll so he could dress up as "Darth Tater," and that makes just as much sense as this movie. Darth Vader, indeed.
The week that I came back from vacation, I thought I would be able to go to Wal*Mart, as long as it was 150 degrees, and buy a swimsuit on sale, but apparently that was just the heat making me delusional. I'm sure you'll be relieved to find out that Wal*Mart was stocked with racks and racks of wool sweaters, corduroy pants and down parkas in every color, just what the doctor ordered for heatwaves in July. Not to mention the usual back-to-school specials on candy, skateboards and digital camcorders. It almost makes you long to be a child again, but fortunately, at least candy is not restricted to the school-age set, so let's all go and enjoy some right now.
There's no escaping the fact that we find ourselves perched on the very brink of August, with so little left of July that if you blink, you might miss it. Technically, we're entering into what they always refer to as the "dog days of summer." I may as well say right here and now that if they throw any more dogs at us, that are anything like last week, then I cannot be responsible for the consequences. I mean, I can take a joke as well as the next fellow, but let's not get ridiculous about this. Last Sunday, I was still working at church after everyone else left, and it was so unbearable in the office that I took off my blouse and skirt, and ended up counting the offering in my underwear. It occurred to me later that if anyone came to the door then, they would probably get a very different impression of our church than otherwise, and think it was a much more interesting place than they might have supposed!
Speaking of ridiculous things, I got a notice from The Vanguard Group, where our church has some of their (tiny) investments, and I'm sure they're a fine and upstanding bunch of folks. The church investments are in an account they call the Vanguard Windsor Fund, which sounds admirable, well-mannered and full of integrity. It just oozes respectability, and carries an air of sophistication, confidence and moral rectitude. I regret that I can't say the same for their other financial offerings, which according to this notice, include Vanguard money market and short-term bond funds, as well as something they refer to as their Vanguard VIPER Shares. Excuse me??? Was the Vanguard marketing department on vacation when some moron dreamed up that name, or had they instead been replaced by pods from the Horrible Idea Planet??? Am I the only person who gets a negative impression from the term "viper" especially as it refers to my investments??? It makes me wonder when the brilliant thinkers at Vanguard are going to come out with their Godzilla Fund, or the Attila the Hun Account. Honestly, I don't understand how people come up with these ideas.
While we're on the subject of brilliant thinkers not saying what they mean, we were greeted with this intriguing notice recently on the AOL Welcome Screen --
=======================
She brought soul to Live 8
Alicia Keys sang with gutso in Philadelphia
=======================
I admit that I don't know what "gutso" is, so I can't tell if she sang with it or not. Going on the theory that they meant "gusto" instead, I think it's good to know that the illiterate people we have typing the messages for our computer department at the hospital can also find work elsewhere. In fact, they're probably looking for people at Vanguard as well.
Bill and I took advantage of the miserable weather lately to go to the movies. There's nothing like walking inside from 150 degree temperatures outdoors, where you're dripping wet and melting from the heat, and sitting in a movie theater that is literally so cold that you have to bring a jacket with you. It was worth it just for that alone, and it was a nice change of pace during a couple of challenging weeks, so I was glad we went. First we saw "Herbie: Fully Loaded" which we had no plans to see (I hadn't seen any of the previous Herbie movies over the years) until we found out that Michael Keaton is in it. I will say right up front that I like Michael Keaton as well as the next person, and probably better than most, but the fact of the matter is that he is no Dean Jones, and that's all there is to it. Still and all, it turned out to be entertaining enough for movies of this type, and many of the people in it were very good, not to mention Herbie, in an "R2-D2" sort of way. After that, we went to see "Fantastic Four" and here again, since I had never read any of the comics with them, I went into it completely without any preconceived notions. We really enjoyed it, and the special effects were astonishing, without being intrusive or gratuitous. That happens so rarely in movies nowadays, where they usually bombard you with special effects just for the sake of special effects, that this was really a pleasant surprise. Also unlike many movies these days (the recent "Star Wars" trilogy springs immediately to mind) this had enough humor in it to make the story enjoyable, so that you cared about the characters. For people who go to the movies on the average of once a year, for us to see two movies in a week was a real departure, and I don't mind saying, a welcome change of scenery. Not to mention, temperature!
That reminds me that we actually went to see the new "Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith" movie in June, which is a story that apparently got lost in the hubbub surrounding my adventures in Crusade-Land later in the month. I feel a certain loyalty to the whole "Star Wars" canon, as it were, having seen all of the early ones in the theaters when they first came out, and appreciating their originality and technical achievements if nothing else. When they started making the new ones, I felt obligated to go see them, if only to maintain my attendance record, and although the newer ones lacked originality, the technical achievements were certainly impressive. On the other hand, I can't say that I cared for the newer set much, and I'm frankly glad that they're finished with this part of them. It continues to amaze me that they can take so many talented people, behind and in front of the cameras, and end up with a movie that entirely lacks interest, cohesiveness, or the remotest credibility. It's generally accepted that even competent actors give the worst performances of their lives in these films, and the stilted dialogue sets a new standard for atrocious writing. They may be a victim of their own success, or an example of how impossible it is to try and please the casual fan as well as the hard-core fanatic. I was prepared to like this last one, figuring it would pull together the various story lines, and tidy up some of the saga's loose ends, in a nicely crafted and satisfying conclusion that we could all rally around. I may be the only one who feels this way, but if anyone thinks that I'm going to believe that scrawny little Hayden Christiansen, through whatever series of misfortunes, is going to grow up to become James Earl Jones, of all people, well, they can just forget that whole idea right this instant. You may as well tell me that Jar-Jar Binks grows up to be Darth Vader while you're at it, because I did not just fall off the turnip truck, and I'm not buying it. In fact, I saw a catalogue that had a costume you could buy for your Mr. Potato Head doll so he could dress up as "Darth Tater," and that makes just as much sense as this movie. Darth Vader, indeed.
The week that I came back from vacation, I thought I would be able to go to Wal*Mart, as long as it was 150 degrees, and buy a swimsuit on sale, but apparently that was just the heat making me delusional. I'm sure you'll be relieved to find out that Wal*Mart was stocked with racks and racks of wool sweaters, corduroy pants and down parkas in every color, just what the doctor ordered for heatwaves in July. Not to mention the usual back-to-school specials on candy, skateboards and digital camcorders. It almost makes you long to be a child again, but fortunately, at least candy is not restricted to the school-age set, so let's all go and enjoy some right now.
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 6:22 PM
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