I'll Race You
Hello World,
Happy Memorial Day weekend! I hope that you will have a memorable time, and good weather besides. Things here are showing tiny, incremental signs of progress, and I'm cautiously optimistic that the worst of our weather is behind us. In fact, it was two weeks ago that I spotted a Mourning Cloak in our front yard, and although they are famous among butterflies for showing up early, I still thought it was way ahead its time. Of course, it might have easily been a mis-identification on my part, since it was wearing a winter coat and earmuffs when I saw it.
At work, I happened to bump into one of our doctors, an internist, wandering the hallways in my building, and obviously in search of something that he hadn't found. Everyone knows I'm nothing if not helpful, so I asked him how I could be of assistance. He said he was trying to return his paycheck to the Payroll department, because instead of paying him for 40 hours, they had only paid him $40.00 instead, and when they took the deductions out of that, it ended up being $3.93 for the whole week, which as he pointed out, wasn't even the minimum wage. I said, “You didn't get that memo!” and we had a good laugh over that one. And this is how they treat the doctors, mind you!
Meanwhile, for those of us who wanted to be surrounded by 500 grouchy Lutherans all yelling at each other, we were in luck, because last week was the Metro New York Synod Assembly, held this year on the sprawling grounds of St. Peter's church in Huntington Station. Usually they have the Assembly in a hotel, with the plenary sessions in the ballroom, and everyone complains about the cost of registration. This time, they decided instead to have it at one of our congregation's churches, with the plenary sessions in the sanctuary, and once they ordered a tent and box lunches for everyone, the registration ended up being just as expensive. Astute businesspeople, these Lutherans!
Anyway, I always go to the Assembly, if only for the entertainment value, which is generally inadvertent, but there you have it. I stayed overnight at my Mom's on Long Island, so going back and forth to Huntington on Friday and Saturday was relatively manageable, although St. Peter's is considerably off the beaten track, which you would think would be impossible in that area. And I would like to say right here and now that at 7:30 in the morning for those two days, the Southern State Parkway was packed solid in all three lanes in both directions, so don't bother to complain to me about the economy.
When I first got to St. Peter's, I noticed they had erected a series of enormous tents outside, which turned out to be for the registration and meals. Considering that it was 60 degrees and raining, the idea of eating outside didn't really have a lot of appeal. Our friends at Thrivent Financial Services tried to soften the blow by providing a nice breakfast buffet of muffins, Danish, croissants, bagels, bialys and cream cheese, plus coffee and juice. After that, we took our places in the sanctuary and hunkered down for the business at hand. The Bishop opened the Assembly by saying, "Don't make me use this!" and showed us a tiny gavel that when he tapped it, made a huge crashing noise, and everyone laughed. Then he introduced his staff, including his assistant, "Joanne Strunk, without whom, I don't exist." She got a nice round of applause. One of the announcements he had to make was about the "Assembly helpers" who would assist us with our questions or problems, and we would recognize them by their red vests. He looked up to see the Assembly committee staff all shaking their heads, because apparently that had changed since the announcement had been written, so the Bishop quipped, "So if you need help, just look for someone who is NOT wearing a red vest." We all laughed.
The Bishop is a good sport, and well-known for being loyally in the Yankees camp, although he tries hard not to be partisan, especially in an area like Long Island, which tends to be more supportive of the National League franchise instead. When the time came for him to give the Bishop's Report, it included an audio-visual presentation that began with the title, date and his name. After that, someone had inserted a prank slide with his name that said, "Truly a Mets fan" and had a picture that had been altered to look like the Bishop wearing a Mets cap. Honestly, I thought the roof was going to fall in, people laughed so hard, and the Bishop most of all. That was about the only thing they agreed on all day.
Everyone knows that Lutherans have been arguing about this Task Force on Human Sexuality now since the Dinosaur Age (and I ought to know, because I helped out on the cave drawings about it) and this time was no different. In fact, it started right after the announcements, before the plenary session was technically underway, and as much as Lutherans apparently love a good fight, this had all the earmarks of turning into a real free-for-all. But apparently, people on the inside of this squabble have gotten tired enough of it that they changed the rules in the off-season, and so were able to basically steam-roller over the opposition with impunity. This certainly had the effect of moving the process along a lot more expeditiously, although it did generate even more ill will than usual, which for the Assembly, is really saying something.
Pretty soon, it was time for lunch, and we tramped outside to the tents to see what delicacies awaited us. It was obvious in the planning stages that the biggest concern must have been how to keep the food and attendees cool in late May outdoors, when they figured it might have been uncomfortably warm, and I don't doubt that they could have done a pretty good job of it. Unfortunately, what we had instead was 500 cold and grouchy Lutherans huddled together and freezing, eating chilled sandwich wraps with iced soda in a tent ringed with fans, and the wind blowing the wet plastic side panels against our chairs. I can now say from experience that this plan has nothing to recommend it. Perhaps in nicer weather, the box lunches would have been a pleasant treat. They featured a sandwich wrap, with a cup of macaroni salad, potato chips, cookies and bottled water, plus utensils, napkins, salt and pepper all in one handy package. There was a choice of wraps, including roast beef and cheese, turkey salad, or grilled vegetables, although I discovered that my grilled vegetables turned out to be nothing but sliced portobello mushrooms and a red pepper. (They had the same lunch choices the next day, and I found the grilled vegetables had improved to include not only the portobellos and pepper, but also zucchini, button mushrooms, eggplant and green peppers.) They certainly did a heck of a job keeping everything nice and cool for us to eat, but under the circumstances, if anyone had shown up and sold hot chocolate, they would have done a land-office business in the tent.
With the sexuality opponents railroaded out of the way, and even the budget passed without a whimper, you might be wondering what else everyone found to argue about. I find that is not a problem, not having enough things to argue about, as I remember the first Assembly I attended and they spent three hours arguing about prayer. This time it was racism, of all things. Silly me, I would have thought in these enlightened times, there could only be one position on racism, and wouldn't leave a lot of ground on the other side to argue with. In fact, you would think you would have to collect a vastly diverse group of people in order to have more than one position on racism, and this was about as far from being diverse as any group could get. It was not only 500 Lutherans, but 500 ELCA Lutherans, and 500 ELCA Lutherans from a small area in New York besides. But they managed to run rough-shod over the idea of agreeing about racism, although at long last, they grudgingly voted to oppose it. They also came out against hunger and poverty, so for people considering those as career choices, please don't count on their support. They stopped short of voting in favor of peace in the Middle East, because after all, they wouldn't want to get too radical here.
After a long day of arguments and name-calling, it's always a nice change of pace to attend the educational forums and special worship services they always have at the Assembly. The two forums I attended were interesting and informative, not to mention indoors, which was a big selling point. I can't say that I was looking forward to dinner outside in the tent, but they offered some very nice meal options like ziti and veal parmesan, kept piping hot in chafing dishes, and plenty of hot coffee, so it wasn't so bad after all. After dinner, we enjoyed a very nice festival Eucharist, featuring special music and Bible readings in some of the many languages spoken throughout the Synod. It was really interesting, and a good time was had by all. Of course, I threw my voice out with all of the hymns during the service, because I happened to be standing next to a very loud soprano, which for me is like waving a red flag in front of a bull, because naturally I had to drown her out.
It was at the contemporary worship service before the Saturday session that had one of those inadvertently amusing moments that I mentioned earlier. In the old version of The Lord's Prayer, it says, "Lead us not into temptation." Apparently, people must have decided somewhere along the line that temptation, and trespasses, were too complicated or arcane for modern folks, so this has been improved (NOT!) in the contemporary version to say instead, "Save us from the time of trial." Except on Saturday morning at the Assembly, when what they printed in the worship booklet actually said, "Save us from the time of trail." Yippee-ki-yay, cowpokes! Let's quit off our trespassin' and temptations and hit that ol' dusty trail to salvation. Git along, little dogies, yee-hah!
I will say that this Assembly was unique, at least in my experience, in that it ended ahead of schedule on Saturday afternoon. Also, because it wasn't in a hotel ballroom, we weren't hostages to Comrade Mischka at the climate controls, so at least the indoor temperatures were more moderate than usual. By Saturday afternoon, the sun had come out and people headed for home with gusto. And we can all say that we survived yet another Assembly, which as we all know, is another one of the Biblical plagues from the Old Testament, right in between locusts and raining frogs.
Happy Memorial Day weekend! I hope that you will have a memorable time, and good weather besides. Things here are showing tiny, incremental signs of progress, and I'm cautiously optimistic that the worst of our weather is behind us. In fact, it was two weeks ago that I spotted a Mourning Cloak in our front yard, and although they are famous among butterflies for showing up early, I still thought it was way ahead its time. Of course, it might have easily been a mis-identification on my part, since it was wearing a winter coat and earmuffs when I saw it.
At work, I happened to bump into one of our doctors, an internist, wandering the hallways in my building, and obviously in search of something that he hadn't found. Everyone knows I'm nothing if not helpful, so I asked him how I could be of assistance. He said he was trying to return his paycheck to the Payroll department, because instead of paying him for 40 hours, they had only paid him $40.00 instead, and when they took the deductions out of that, it ended up being $3.93 for the whole week, which as he pointed out, wasn't even the minimum wage. I said, “You didn't get that memo!” and we had a good laugh over that one. And this is how they treat the doctors, mind you!
Meanwhile, for those of us who wanted to be surrounded by 500 grouchy Lutherans all yelling at each other, we were in luck, because last week was the Metro New York Synod Assembly, held this year on the sprawling grounds of St. Peter's church in Huntington Station. Usually they have the Assembly in a hotel, with the plenary sessions in the ballroom, and everyone complains about the cost of registration. This time, they decided instead to have it at one of our congregation's churches, with the plenary sessions in the sanctuary, and once they ordered a tent and box lunches for everyone, the registration ended up being just as expensive. Astute businesspeople, these Lutherans!
Anyway, I always go to the Assembly, if only for the entertainment value, which is generally inadvertent, but there you have it. I stayed overnight at my Mom's on Long Island, so going back and forth to Huntington on Friday and Saturday was relatively manageable, although St. Peter's is considerably off the beaten track, which you would think would be impossible in that area. And I would like to say right here and now that at 7:30 in the morning for those two days, the Southern State Parkway was packed solid in all three lanes in both directions, so don't bother to complain to me about the economy.
When I first got to St. Peter's, I noticed they had erected a series of enormous tents outside, which turned out to be for the registration and meals. Considering that it was 60 degrees and raining, the idea of eating outside didn't really have a lot of appeal. Our friends at Thrivent Financial Services tried to soften the blow by providing a nice breakfast buffet of muffins, Danish, croissants, bagels, bialys and cream cheese, plus coffee and juice. After that, we took our places in the sanctuary and hunkered down for the business at hand. The Bishop opened the Assembly by saying, "Don't make me use this!" and showed us a tiny gavel that when he tapped it, made a huge crashing noise, and everyone laughed. Then he introduced his staff, including his assistant, "Joanne Strunk, without whom, I don't exist." She got a nice round of applause. One of the announcements he had to make was about the "Assembly helpers" who would assist us with our questions or problems, and we would recognize them by their red vests. He looked up to see the Assembly committee staff all shaking their heads, because apparently that had changed since the announcement had been written, so the Bishop quipped, "So if you need help, just look for someone who is NOT wearing a red vest." We all laughed.
The Bishop is a good sport, and well-known for being loyally in the Yankees camp, although he tries hard not to be partisan, especially in an area like Long Island, which tends to be more supportive of the National League franchise instead. When the time came for him to give the Bishop's Report, it included an audio-visual presentation that began with the title, date and his name. After that, someone had inserted a prank slide with his name that said, "Truly a Mets fan" and had a picture that had been altered to look like the Bishop wearing a Mets cap. Honestly, I thought the roof was going to fall in, people laughed so hard, and the Bishop most of all. That was about the only thing they agreed on all day.
Everyone knows that Lutherans have been arguing about this Task Force on Human Sexuality now since the Dinosaur Age (and I ought to know, because I helped out on the cave drawings about it) and this time was no different. In fact, it started right after the announcements, before the plenary session was technically underway, and as much as Lutherans apparently love a good fight, this had all the earmarks of turning into a real free-for-all. But apparently, people on the inside of this squabble have gotten tired enough of it that they changed the rules in the off-season, and so were able to basically steam-roller over the opposition with impunity. This certainly had the effect of moving the process along a lot more expeditiously, although it did generate even more ill will than usual, which for the Assembly, is really saying something.
Pretty soon, it was time for lunch, and we tramped outside to the tents to see what delicacies awaited us. It was obvious in the planning stages that the biggest concern must have been how to keep the food and attendees cool in late May outdoors, when they figured it might have been uncomfortably warm, and I don't doubt that they could have done a pretty good job of it. Unfortunately, what we had instead was 500 cold and grouchy Lutherans huddled together and freezing, eating chilled sandwich wraps with iced soda in a tent ringed with fans, and the wind blowing the wet plastic side panels against our chairs. I can now say from experience that this plan has nothing to recommend it. Perhaps in nicer weather, the box lunches would have been a pleasant treat. They featured a sandwich wrap, with a cup of macaroni salad, potato chips, cookies and bottled water, plus utensils, napkins, salt and pepper all in one handy package. There was a choice of wraps, including roast beef and cheese, turkey salad, or grilled vegetables, although I discovered that my grilled vegetables turned out to be nothing but sliced portobello mushrooms and a red pepper. (They had the same lunch choices the next day, and I found the grilled vegetables had improved to include not only the portobellos and pepper, but also zucchini, button mushrooms, eggplant and green peppers.) They certainly did a heck of a job keeping everything nice and cool for us to eat, but under the circumstances, if anyone had shown up and sold hot chocolate, they would have done a land-office business in the tent.
With the sexuality opponents railroaded out of the way, and even the budget passed without a whimper, you might be wondering what else everyone found to argue about. I find that is not a problem, not having enough things to argue about, as I remember the first Assembly I attended and they spent three hours arguing about prayer. This time it was racism, of all things. Silly me, I would have thought in these enlightened times, there could only be one position on racism, and wouldn't leave a lot of ground on the other side to argue with. In fact, you would think you would have to collect a vastly diverse group of people in order to have more than one position on racism, and this was about as far from being diverse as any group could get. It was not only 500 Lutherans, but 500 ELCA Lutherans, and 500 ELCA Lutherans from a small area in New York besides. But they managed to run rough-shod over the idea of agreeing about racism, although at long last, they grudgingly voted to oppose it. They also came out against hunger and poverty, so for people considering those as career choices, please don't count on their support. They stopped short of voting in favor of peace in the Middle East, because after all, they wouldn't want to get too radical here.
After a long day of arguments and name-calling, it's always a nice change of pace to attend the educational forums and special worship services they always have at the Assembly. The two forums I attended were interesting and informative, not to mention indoors, which was a big selling point. I can't say that I was looking forward to dinner outside in the tent, but they offered some very nice meal options like ziti and veal parmesan, kept piping hot in chafing dishes, and plenty of hot coffee, so it wasn't so bad after all. After dinner, we enjoyed a very nice festival Eucharist, featuring special music and Bible readings in some of the many languages spoken throughout the Synod. It was really interesting, and a good time was had by all. Of course, I threw my voice out with all of the hymns during the service, because I happened to be standing next to a very loud soprano, which for me is like waving a red flag in front of a bull, because naturally I had to drown her out.
It was at the contemporary worship service before the Saturday session that had one of those inadvertently amusing moments that I mentioned earlier. In the old version of The Lord's Prayer, it says, "Lead us not into temptation." Apparently, people must have decided somewhere along the line that temptation, and trespasses, were too complicated or arcane for modern folks, so this has been improved (NOT!) in the contemporary version to say instead, "Save us from the time of trial." Except on Saturday morning at the Assembly, when what they printed in the worship booklet actually said, "Save us from the time of trail." Yippee-ki-yay, cowpokes! Let's quit off our trespassin' and temptations and hit that ol' dusty trail to salvation. Git along, little dogies, yee-hah!
I will say that this Assembly was unique, at least in my experience, in that it ended ahead of schedule on Saturday afternoon. Also, because it wasn't in a hotel ballroom, we weren't hostages to Comrade Mischka at the climate controls, so at least the indoor temperatures were more moderate than usual. By Saturday afternoon, the sun had come out and people headed for home with gusto. And we can all say that we survived yet another Assembly, which as we all know, is another one of the Biblical plagues from the Old Testament, right in between locusts and raining frogs.
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 8:39 PM
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