Typos, We Get Typos
Hello World,
Well, here it is, yet another in a long series of weeks gone by and what have we got to show for it, I ask you that. Pretty soon, it will be back to school (and here, I mean for real, not like in June when they start with their back-to-school sales on candy and sporting goods) and you know I always say, after that you just look up and the year is over already. I admit that's a daunting prospect for those among us who are still catching up on their camping laundry. Speaking of which, in an odd laundry development, I gathered up one of my souvenir polo shirts that I had bought somewhere along the way, and noticed that the care label had a series of picture instructions for treating the fabric, and all of them had an "X" through them. This leads me to believe that either it's a disposable garment, that you discard when it gets dirty, or I suppose your other option is to take it down to the riverbank and beat it against the rocks.
I know what you're thinking, that the polo shirt label makers have hired away all of our crack staff in the computer department at work, but that's certainly not the case, as these recent messages will attest:
====================================
ANY JOBS STILL ACTIVW ILL BE IMMEDIATLEY TERMINATED
PLEASE SIGN OFF YOUR TERMINLAS
ANY JOBQ STILL ACTIVE WILL BE TERMINATED IMMEDIALY
ANY USERSSTILL ACTIVE WILL BE TERMINATED
THE SAVE WILL TAKE APPROXIAMATELY 45 MINUTES
any users still acive will be terminated immediatey.
please sign offyour terminals be fore 6:00 PM
ANY USERS TSILL ACTIVE WILL BE TEMINATED IMMEDAITED.
THE SAVE SHOULD BE NO MOTE THAN 1 HOUR.
sign off yuor terminals we will bw condcuting our system saves
PLEAE SIGN OFF YOU TERMINALS
PLEASE SIGN OFF YOUR TERMINALS IMMEDIATELLY.
we will be perform our daily back ups
any users still active will be terminated immedaitely.
THNAK YOU THE HIS DEP
====================================
I used to believe their motto in IT was "Hire the Incompetent," but on closer inspection, the sign says, "Higher the Incontinent." I don't doubt it! In other news, I had occasion to visit a web site that believes in "Encouraging pastors and church leaders with tools for healthy, growing churches" and you're welcome to go to www.pastors.com and see for yourself. They seem to be chockfull of information and resources, which I feel sure their visitors would find informative and resourceful. My favorite was about Small Group Ministry, and which they assured me I could participate in their "Free Confence Call." No thank you very much, I think I'll take a pass on that one. I already get enough typos at work.
Speaking of typos at work, we get the following story from Bill about trying to get help from the "Knowledge Base" in Corel, where he stumbled upon this curious topic --
==================================
Creating Stationary for WordPerfect 12 using CorelDRAW 12
Could this major provider of word processing software have really made that mistake? Do they own the shop on Pelham Road? Sure enough, the answer starts:
Creating Stationary for WordPerfect 12 using CorelDRAW 12 Details Stationary is a great way of creating a corporate image for your organization. Using CorelDRAW 12 and WordPerfect 12 in conjunction, you can create stationary in CorelDRAW, and transfer into a WordPerfect 12 template, so that it is available to use at anytime, without the need of pre-printed stationary. Answer Create your Stationary in CorelDRAWDesign your stationary as desired using CorelDRAW. This can include a logo or a specific design that you want to use for your stationary.
**************************
"Stationary is a great way of creating a corporate image for your organization."!!!!!!?
It goes on and on like that. So I had to write them yet another question and point out that SLIGHT error. I also said the last thing people want is a program that says it will correct your spelling and grammar and can't correct its own. (Or, as Corel would probably say, it's own!) Oh, and I sent it because sophomoric word misuse is not such a great way to create a corporate image!
==================================
Well, if that's not a sure sign of the world coming to an end, I don't know what is. Can't anybody here speak this darned language, for crying out loud? Other people like Bill, with an email account at excite.com might be wondering the same thing. Out of the archives, we turn up a classic spam subject line, which Bill refers to as the "granddaddy of the genre" --
=============================
Re: begotten cinnamon candidate blackmail cornbread suicide whatsoever caracas trout engineer capsule residual bombast agricultural channel hershey muong superstitious bruce edelweiss lotus adiabatic clatter digestible lobotomy vichy berkelium
=============================
Residual bombast indeed! But my personal favorite (and for all the rest of us who fondly remember "Across this patch of light flutterdointed!") was this last one, which if nothing else, should really give the KGB agents monitoring my email something to think about --
==============================
I checked my Excite mail just now, and we now have:
Randi Otto - Beautiful russian tanglewrack girls here
Yes, these girls are not only "ochin prekrasny", as the Russkis would say, but they are "tanglewrack"! (Sorry, I don't know the Russian for "tanglewrack" - it must not be something you can use to retrieve your lost luggage or find the bathroom.) (Or order grape juice. I can order grape juice, in a pinch. And the even better news is that they drive home how to ask for the check, so it's on me.)
==============================
Well, I'm sure that's about all the fractured English anyone could stand for one day, and that's not just the residual bombast talking, either. I should point out that for those of us who delight in sharing linguistic lapses and typographical tangles, working on MSN Outlook is a real drawback, because it follows you along and automatically corrects these errors after you've gone to the trouble to very carefully type them in that way. In fact, if everyone was using Outlook, I'd soon run out of examples like these, and then where would we be? Some people may think that a world without beautiful russian tanglewrack girls would be a better place, but personally, I think the whole idea shows a lack of imagination and should be teminated immedaited.
Well, here it is, yet another in a long series of weeks gone by and what have we got to show for it, I ask you that. Pretty soon, it will be back to school (and here, I mean for real, not like in June when they start with their back-to-school sales on candy and sporting goods) and you know I always say, after that you just look up and the year is over already. I admit that's a daunting prospect for those among us who are still catching up on their camping laundry. Speaking of which, in an odd laundry development, I gathered up one of my souvenir polo shirts that I had bought somewhere along the way, and noticed that the care label had a series of picture instructions for treating the fabric, and all of them had an "X" through them. This leads me to believe that either it's a disposable garment, that you discard when it gets dirty, or I suppose your other option is to take it down to the riverbank and beat it against the rocks.
I know what you're thinking, that the polo shirt label makers have hired away all of our crack staff in the computer department at work, but that's certainly not the case, as these recent messages will attest:
====================================
ANY JOBS STILL ACTIVW ILL BE IMMEDIATLEY TERMINATED
PLEASE SIGN OFF YOUR TERMINLAS
ANY JOBQ STILL ACTIVE WILL BE TERMINATED IMMEDIALY
ANY USERSSTILL ACTIVE WILL BE TERMINATED
THE SAVE WILL TAKE APPROXIAMATELY 45 MINUTES
any users still acive will be terminated immediatey.
please sign offyour terminals be fore 6:00 PM
ANY USERS TSILL ACTIVE WILL BE TEMINATED IMMEDAITED.
THE SAVE SHOULD BE NO MOTE THAN 1 HOUR.
sign off yuor terminals we will bw condcuting our system saves
PLEAE SIGN OFF YOU TERMINALS
PLEASE SIGN OFF YOUR TERMINALS IMMEDIATELLY.
we will be perform our daily back ups
any users still active will be terminated immedaitely.
THNAK YOU THE HIS DEP
====================================
I used to believe their motto in IT was "Hire the Incompetent," but on closer inspection, the sign says, "Higher the Incontinent." I don't doubt it! In other news, I had occasion to visit a web site that believes in "Encouraging pastors and church leaders with tools for healthy, growing churches" and you're welcome to go to www.pastors.com and see for yourself. They seem to be chockfull of information and resources, which I feel sure their visitors would find informative and resourceful. My favorite was about Small Group Ministry, and which they assured me I could participate in their "Free Confence Call." No thank you very much, I think I'll take a pass on that one. I already get enough typos at work.
Speaking of typos at work, we get the following story from Bill about trying to get help from the "Knowledge Base" in Corel, where he stumbled upon this curious topic --
==================================
Creating Stationary for WordPerfect 12 using CorelDRAW 12
Could this major provider of word processing software have really made that mistake? Do they own the shop on Pelham Road? Sure enough, the answer starts:
Creating Stationary for WordPerfect 12 using CorelDRAW 12 Details Stationary is a great way of creating a corporate image for your organization. Using CorelDRAW 12 and WordPerfect 12 in conjunction, you can create stationary in CorelDRAW, and transfer into a WordPerfect 12 template, so that it is available to use at anytime, without the need of pre-printed stationary. Answer Create your Stationary in CorelDRAWDesign your stationary as desired using CorelDRAW. This can include a logo or a specific design that you want to use for your stationary.
**************************
"Stationary is a great way of creating a corporate image for your organization."!!!!!!?
It goes on and on like that. So I had to write them yet another question and point out that SLIGHT error. I also said the last thing people want is a program that says it will correct your spelling and grammar and can't correct its own. (Or, as Corel would probably say, it's own!) Oh, and I sent it because sophomoric word misuse is not such a great way to create a corporate image!
==================================
Well, if that's not a sure sign of the world coming to an end, I don't know what is. Can't anybody here speak this darned language, for crying out loud? Other people like Bill, with an email account at excite.com might be wondering the same thing. Out of the archives, we turn up a classic spam subject line, which Bill refers to as the "granddaddy of the genre" --
=============================
Re: begotten cinnamon candidate blackmail cornbread suicide whatsoever caracas trout engineer capsule residual bombast agricultural channel hershey muong superstitious bruce edelweiss lotus adiabatic clatter digestible lobotomy vichy berkelium
=============================
Residual bombast indeed! But my personal favorite (and for all the rest of us who fondly remember "Across this patch of light flutterdointed!") was this last one, which if nothing else, should really give the KGB agents monitoring my email something to think about --
==============================
I checked my Excite mail just now, and we now have:
Randi Otto - Beautiful russian tanglewrack girls here
Yes, these girls are not only "ochin prekrasny", as the Russkis would say, but they are "tanglewrack"! (Sorry, I don't know the Russian for "tanglewrack" - it must not be something you can use to retrieve your lost luggage or find the bathroom.) (Or order grape juice. I can order grape juice, in a pinch. And the even better news is that they drive home how to ask for the check, so it's on me.)
==============================
Well, I'm sure that's about all the fractured English anyone could stand for one day, and that's not just the residual bombast talking, either. I should point out that for those of us who delight in sharing linguistic lapses and typographical tangles, working on MSN Outlook is a real drawback, because it follows you along and automatically corrects these errors after you've gone to the trouble to very carefully type them in that way. In fact, if everyone was using Outlook, I'd soon run out of examples like these, and then where would we be? Some people may think that a world without beautiful russian tanglewrack girls would be a better place, but personally, I think the whole idea shows a lack of imagination and should be teminated immedaited.
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 8:28 PM
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