Bad News Travels Fast
Hello World,
Who would have believed that we'd be just about staring August in the face, with nothing but scant days left before we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel of July, and I don't mind saying, nothing to show for it. I came back from 10 days of vacation to find the unthinkable had happened at work. After it took a year to hire a new clerk to replace our retired co-worker, it took only 10 months to lose her, as she was re-allocated to a different department, and we were left with an empty office and only our memories to console us. Even worse, another employee was re-located to Purchasing from another department, who is not doing the clerk's job, and insisted that we clear out one of the spare offices for her to use, after turning up her nose at the clerk's office, which had the advantage of already being empty. It turned into a rather challenging week for me, not only trying to do two jobs, but then being saddled with a third job as well, which was moving everything out of the spare office to accommodate this interloper in our midst. It was in the middle of this that my computer at home stopped working, no thank you not very much, and I dragged out the emergency back-up computer, only to find that it was having its own issues, and ended up being less than no help. Then the computer in my office stopped working, and it got to the point where I was afraid to touch anything else, for fear of the consequences. I realized that I should steer clear of electronic equipment when I noticed that my watch had started running backwards, and I said to Bill that I didn't dare watch the Mets.
Speaking of July, we have just enough time left to point out some notable dates, courtesy of Joseph J. Cusimano, and please feel free to review all the copious details on my web log at graphicmagicmailbags.blogspot.com under the title of Jolly July. Of course, we're all aware of Independence Day on July 4th in 1776, and perhaps even the deaths of Thomas Jefferson and John Adams in 1826, but the day also boasts the start of the Erie Canal excavation in 1817 and Lou Gehrig's speech at Yankee Stadium in 1939. On the 6th, the first baseball All-Star game was played in 1933, and George W. Bush was born in 1946. The week after that obviously had nothing to recommend it throughout hundreds of years of international history, because there is nothing on the list from the 6th to the 11th, when we have the death of Alexander Hamilton in 1804 and the Tri-Boro Bridge opening in 1936. The 17th and 28th have four items listed on each day, while Bastille Day is all by its lonesome on the 14th, and the only noteworthy event on the 31st is the dedication of Idlewild Airport in 1948. (For everyone who hasn't been living in the New York metro area since 1948, this is now more commonly known by everyone else in the whole world as JFK. Alas, poor Idlewild, I knew him well.) Meanwhile, cheek-by-jowl on the 29th, we have the defeat of the Spanish Armada in 1588 and the 1942 opening of Bruckner Boulevard in the Bronx. So now we know there's more to July than spangled stars and fireworks, not to mention, purple mountains majesty, amber waves of grain and oceans white with foam, as well as life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Seriously, who could ask for anything more?
I'm sure all of you flag-wavers out there, and don't think I don't know who you are, will be relieved to hear that Bill took pity on the poor upstairs flag bracket, and replaced all of the puny mangled nails with a bunch of solid, no-nonsense screws instead, and with plenty of time to spare before the next occasion that calls for Old Glory to be flying above the ramparts, rockets red glare and all that. So that's one less thing to worry about, and the spirit of Betsy Ross can rest in peace, God bless her, and long may she wave.
Before my computer at home went on the fritz, I was surprised to receive an elaborately designed piece of junk email with the arresting subject line: "Google Home Business Kit Trail Offer." Why, dad-gum it, Tex, let's round up them doggies and mosey along the old Google Trail, yee-hah! Interestingly (although perhaps only interesting to linguistic sticklers like me and the rest of the dinosaurs) the remainder of the message seemed to be about a trial offer and had nothing to do with trails whatsoever. Even more interesting, or perhaps intriguing would be the better term, was their disclaimer, which read: "We hope you enjoyed receiving this but if you no longer want to, write to Central Hygiene, 55 Jericho Turnpike, Jericho, NY 11753." Central Hygiene??? What the heck kind of name is that for anything?! I get chest pains just thinking about what a place called Central Hygiene could be doing for a living. Ouch.
Also not up for a nomination in the Technology Vanguard Awards is this curious gambit from our friends at http://v2.decipherinc.com, where Bill was taking one of their online surveys:
========================
Have you used the Internet in the past 30 days?Please select one response:
Yes
No
Don't know
========================
Unless this is some special ESP survey which the respondents answer telepathically, it would appear that the logical answer to this would be the only possible one. And for people to say they "don't know" if they've used the Internet lately is sort of like saying they "don't know" if they're married or not. This really isn't something that just sneaks up on anyone unawares and takes advantage of them without their knowledge, which is not to say that Bill Gates has not been trying to do exactly that for years (not the marriage part maybe) and may yet succeed. But I have to consider it fundamentally flawed when a survey question has three answers that are (1) precisely wrong, (B) insanely stupid, and (iii) so self-evident as to render the entire question moot. And don't forget, my watch is running backwards, so I ought to know.
After a week like this, you might expect that it would take a better person than myself not to crack under the strain, and you'd be right on the mark. In fact, I was coming home yesterday after a particularly frustrating day at work, and got cut off in a busy intersection by one of those gigantic articulated buses turning left directly in front of me. I let him go, but after that, I was getting through that intersection or know the reason why. You can believe me that you wouldn't have wanted to be the guy behind him, who also tried to turn left in front of me, but he took one look at the cracked and raggedy front bumper on the Escort (not to mention the fact that my head was spinning around in circles on my shoulders, with green stuff shooting out of my mouth) and realized that he really didn't want all that busted navy blue plastic all over his shiny silver doorstop, and he stopped right in his tracks. He didn't know how lucky he was, because the way things were going, I just needed to reach out my hand and touch his car, and all of the electronics in it would have been shot to Kingdom Come. Oh sure, he might have been able to get Bill Gates to fix it, but he probably would have had to marry him first.
Who would have believed that we'd be just about staring August in the face, with nothing but scant days left before we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel of July, and I don't mind saying, nothing to show for it. I came back from 10 days of vacation to find the unthinkable had happened at work. After it took a year to hire a new clerk to replace our retired co-worker, it took only 10 months to lose her, as she was re-allocated to a different department, and we were left with an empty office and only our memories to console us. Even worse, another employee was re-located to Purchasing from another department, who is not doing the clerk's job, and insisted that we clear out one of the spare offices for her to use, after turning up her nose at the clerk's office, which had the advantage of already being empty. It turned into a rather challenging week for me, not only trying to do two jobs, but then being saddled with a third job as well, which was moving everything out of the spare office to accommodate this interloper in our midst. It was in the middle of this that my computer at home stopped working, no thank you not very much, and I dragged out the emergency back-up computer, only to find that it was having its own issues, and ended up being less than no help. Then the computer in my office stopped working, and it got to the point where I was afraid to touch anything else, for fear of the consequences. I realized that I should steer clear of electronic equipment when I noticed that my watch had started running backwards, and I said to Bill that I didn't dare watch the Mets.
Speaking of July, we have just enough time left to point out some notable dates, courtesy of Joseph J. Cusimano, and please feel free to review all the copious details on my web log at graphicmagicmailbags.blogspot.com under the title of Jolly July. Of course, we're all aware of Independence Day on July 4th in 1776, and perhaps even the deaths of Thomas Jefferson and John Adams in 1826, but the day also boasts the start of the Erie Canal excavation in 1817 and Lou Gehrig's speech at Yankee Stadium in 1939. On the 6th, the first baseball All-Star game was played in 1933, and George W. Bush was born in 1946. The week after that obviously had nothing to recommend it throughout hundreds of years of international history, because there is nothing on the list from the 6th to the 11th, when we have the death of Alexander Hamilton in 1804 and the Tri-Boro Bridge opening in 1936. The 17th and 28th have four items listed on each day, while Bastille Day is all by its lonesome on the 14th, and the only noteworthy event on the 31st is the dedication of Idlewild Airport in 1948. (For everyone who hasn't been living in the New York metro area since 1948, this is now more commonly known by everyone else in the whole world as JFK. Alas, poor Idlewild, I knew him well.) Meanwhile, cheek-by-jowl on the 29th, we have the defeat of the Spanish Armada in 1588 and the 1942 opening of Bruckner Boulevard in the Bronx. So now we know there's more to July than spangled stars and fireworks, not to mention, purple mountains majesty, amber waves of grain and oceans white with foam, as well as life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Seriously, who could ask for anything more?
I'm sure all of you flag-wavers out there, and don't think I don't know who you are, will be relieved to hear that Bill took pity on the poor upstairs flag bracket, and replaced all of the puny mangled nails with a bunch of solid, no-nonsense screws instead, and with plenty of time to spare before the next occasion that calls for Old Glory to be flying above the ramparts, rockets red glare and all that. So that's one less thing to worry about, and the spirit of Betsy Ross can rest in peace, God bless her, and long may she wave.
Before my computer at home went on the fritz, I was surprised to receive an elaborately designed piece of junk email with the arresting subject line: "Google Home Business Kit Trail Offer." Why, dad-gum it, Tex, let's round up them doggies and mosey along the old Google Trail, yee-hah! Interestingly (although perhaps only interesting to linguistic sticklers like me and the rest of the dinosaurs) the remainder of the message seemed to be about a trial offer and had nothing to do with trails whatsoever. Even more interesting, or perhaps intriguing would be the better term, was their disclaimer, which read: "We hope you enjoyed receiving this but if you no longer want to, write to Central Hygiene, 55 Jericho Turnpike, Jericho, NY 11753." Central Hygiene??? What the heck kind of name is that for anything?! I get chest pains just thinking about what a place called Central Hygiene could be doing for a living. Ouch.
Also not up for a nomination in the Technology Vanguard Awards is this curious gambit from our friends at http://v2.decipherinc.com, where Bill was taking one of their online surveys:
========================
Have you used the Internet in the past 30 days?Please select one response:
Yes
No
Don't know
========================
Unless this is some special ESP survey which the respondents answer telepathically, it would appear that the logical answer to this would be the only possible one. And for people to say they "don't know" if they've used the Internet lately is sort of like saying they "don't know" if they're married or not. This really isn't something that just sneaks up on anyone unawares and takes advantage of them without their knowledge, which is not to say that Bill Gates has not been trying to do exactly that for years (not the marriage part maybe) and may yet succeed. But I have to consider it fundamentally flawed when a survey question has three answers that are (1) precisely wrong, (B) insanely stupid, and (iii) so self-evident as to render the entire question moot. And don't forget, my watch is running backwards, so I ought to know.
After a week like this, you might expect that it would take a better person than myself not to crack under the strain, and you'd be right on the mark. In fact, I was coming home yesterday after a particularly frustrating day at work, and got cut off in a busy intersection by one of those gigantic articulated buses turning left directly in front of me. I let him go, but after that, I was getting through that intersection or know the reason why. You can believe me that you wouldn't have wanted to be the guy behind him, who also tried to turn left in front of me, but he took one look at the cracked and raggedy front bumper on the Escort (not to mention the fact that my head was spinning around in circles on my shoulders, with green stuff shooting out of my mouth) and realized that he really didn't want all that busted navy blue plastic all over his shiny silver doorstop, and he stopped right in his tracks. He didn't know how lucky he was, because the way things were going, I just needed to reach out my hand and touch his car, and all of the electronics in it would have been shot to Kingdom Come. Oh sure, he might have been able to get Bill Gates to fix it, but he probably would have had to marry him first.
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 6:53 PM
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