The Party of the First Part
Hello World,
So here we are, already at the last weekend in October, believe that or don't. Halloween will be here on Wednesday, and after that, there's no hope for it from that point. Whatever is left of the rest of the year becomes nothing more than a mad scramble through the season of Thanksa-Christma-Kwanza-Nukkah, and Devil take the hind-most. It doesn't seem even remotely possible that we could find ourselves now perched on the very brink of November, especially since a scant week ago, it was 90 degrees in these parts, with wilting humidity, and our garden was ablaze with roses in every color. Why, I can remember a time when a team that was losing by two goals wouldn't pull their goal-tender in the last minute of play ... no, wait a minute, that can't be right. What I meant was, the dinosaurs and I can remember that by the time November would roll around, people would have long since broken out their winter coats and heating blankets. Now the way things are going, you're lucky to get the window air conditioners taken in before you're putting up the Christmas lights, and I don't mind saying, no good can come of it.
Speaking of no good, today was when all of us on the Patient Satisfaction Team were invited to present our skit at the LDI luncheon in the auditorium, and in spite of having numerous rehearsals of it, it turned out about as you would expect with a secretary, nurse, radiologist, telephone operator, pharmacist and physical therapist as the cast. One common theme for me that I've noticed, whether I'm typing a document or compiling a financial report, if I'm going to make a mistake in it, I almost always make it right at the very beginning for some reason. This was no different, because even though as the Narrator, I had the most lines all the way through the entire script, it was the part where I just had to walk out from the wings and introduce myself that I totally flubbed the words. I should have just said, "I'm sorry, but I'm in the Federal Witness Protection Program, and I can't tell you my name." One good thing about amateur theatricals, however, is that everyone in the audience is just so amazed that you can actually get up on the stage and speak, because they have the feeling that they would just die of fright before they could ever do anything like that themselves. This audience of hospital administrators and managers was obviously so starved for entertainment, that they cheered and applauded practically every line, much less each scene change, and we concluded our skit to the kind of tumultuous acclaim that a Broadway producer would kill for. And in typical fashion for this skit, it included two replacement people who were pressed into service with no experience with the parts previously. It was a lucky thing for us that the audience was so undemanding, because mine weren't the only flubbed lines in the production, not by a long shot. After that, they invited us to join them for lunch, which turned out to be a very nice buffet of fried chicken, baked ziti, stuffed fish, polenta, salad and rolls, and after our trial by fire, we all felt like we certainly earned it.
On the subject of earnings, what would have seemed unthinkable just a few years ago, became a sad reality when the New York Yankees and their long-time manager Joe Torre could not agree to contract terms for the upcoming season, and instead had a parting of the ways. In 12 years, he had coached the team to the playoffs 12 times, plus won the World Series 4 times, so his record speaks for itself and he certainly doesn't need anyone to defend him. If the Yankees think they are going to find anyone better, I'd be surprised, and as we already found out to our dismay in the patient satisfaction skit, you can't just plug someone into a part and expect them to succeed. ("Hello, my name is ..... what the heck is my name again?") For his part, Joe Torre has said that he does not intend to retire, so I'm thinking that it should be some very interesting times ahead in the hot stove league over the winter, and some very lucky team is going to be extremely happy with their new manager in spring training. And don't forget, that will be here before we all know it, right after Thanksa-Christma-Kwanza-Nukkah, believe me.
Speaking of good sports, Bill was obliging enough to take an online survey for some folks, and at the very beginning is a question designed to gather demographic information, or rather, it would do that, if it didn't say instead --
======================
Which of these apply to you .....
[] None of the above.
======================
Well, that's the kind of thing we used to say, "Close, but no cigar," which is no doubt an expression that's lost on young people nowadays, and more's the pity, I'm sure. Of course, Bill is a good sport about taking surveys, and he takes them seriously, even when they turn out to have some unexpected humor in them, like this recent gambit from our friends at Zoomerang -
=====================
"I also took a couple of interesting surveys. One of them was an idea for a web page where you put in your health information and it keeps statistics for you. It was a cool idea, but my faith was a little shaken when I hit the "Next ->" button and found myself in the middle of a survey about iced coffee in cans. Well, it turned out it was actually part of the survey TEMPLATE these people inadvertently left attached. I finished filling it out, but it was funny to have all the "DON'T FORGET TO DELETE THESE INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE DEPLOYING YOUR SURVEY" reminders on the tops of the pages, along with soliciting my opinions about how tasty this fictitious coffee product isn't."
=====================
The people who created the survey template provide all sorts of helpful suggestions along the way, so that anyone (who isn't a total moron, that is) can easily customize their own survey to suit their purposes. Thanks to the inept minions at Zoomerang, we can see all of the sample questions, such as "Based on the price of [INSERT PRICE CONCEPT VIEWED], which statement best describes how you feel about the value of [INSERT NAME OF CONCEPT VIEWED]?" All it lacks is Frank Morgan saying, "Pay no attention to that little man behind the curtain!" to make us all feel like we've taken a peek behind the scenes at the Wizard of Oz, in the Emerald City version of online surveys. As a battle-tested veteran of the patient satisfaction skit, I know all about amateur efforts, but one can't help but expect better results from paid professionals, and not something like this similarly still-under-construction survey query from the folks at Greenfield Online, where they certainly should know better -
======================
Question - cq2aquotahid
/* Hide Before Launch */
(Hide Before Launch)
[] Ages 21-34
[] Ages 35-44
[] Ages 45-54
[] Ages 55-64
======================
Or this other arresting comment at the conclusion of a product review at aipsurveys -
======================
Thank you very much for your participation, however, this survey is now closed.
We hope to have your supports with other surveys in the future.
=======================
Well, we certainly don't want to get all of our laughs at the expense of our friendly neighborhood online survey operators, but it does seem as if there's some room for improvement there, that's for sure. Our supports, indeed. Bill is not one to be daunted, however, and he continues apace -
===========================
"The second survey I took was from Microsoft, actually asking me what they could do to improve -- HAHA!!! Boy, I'd hate to be the guy who has to read THOSE answers! I'm a loyal user of Windows, so I bet I was nicer than a lot of folks. But I did slam them on a couple of things."
[[ At that point, I told him that he could expect his computer to stop working, because after all, a monolithic evil empire like Microsoft wasn't just going to take this criticism lying down, and anyone who doesn't think that they would strike back at individual computer users, just doesn't hang out with the right kind of paranoid conspiracy theorists. I heard back from Bill later that same day. ]]
"You were right about my computer malfunctioning -- it kept getting slower and slower and I finally had to kill it and start over. I think Corel doesn't like Microsoft fonts, like this one, because the longer I typed, the slower it got. But it could have been the survey. Bear in mind, however, that mine at least contained a COUPLE of 5's out of 10 -- I'm sure that's the highest rating they got from ANYONE. I doubt they'd punish me first, since I'm sure I'm the only one who wasn't looking for negative numbers to rate them with."
===========================
Now, far be it from me to cast aspersions on our friends at Microsoft, just because they may be a monolithic evil empire (and as the comic Dom Irrera always says, "I don't mean that in a BAD way!") but I will just point out for the record that we did have all this trouble with the patient satisfaction skit AFTER this survey where Bill took Microsoft to task and in no uncertain terms. Coincidence? I think not! After all, unlike all the rest of you scoffers out there, I understand the paranoid conspiracy theorists' concept of Microsoft as well as I know my own name, and don't forget --
What the heck is my name again?
So here we are, already at the last weekend in October, believe that or don't. Halloween will be here on Wednesday, and after that, there's no hope for it from that point. Whatever is left of the rest of the year becomes nothing more than a mad scramble through the season of Thanksa-Christma-Kwanza-Nukkah, and Devil take the hind-most. It doesn't seem even remotely possible that we could find ourselves now perched on the very brink of November, especially since a scant week ago, it was 90 degrees in these parts, with wilting humidity, and our garden was ablaze with roses in every color. Why, I can remember a time when a team that was losing by two goals wouldn't pull their goal-tender in the last minute of play ... no, wait a minute, that can't be right. What I meant was, the dinosaurs and I can remember that by the time November would roll around, people would have long since broken out their winter coats and heating blankets. Now the way things are going, you're lucky to get the window air conditioners taken in before you're putting up the Christmas lights, and I don't mind saying, no good can come of it.
Speaking of no good, today was when all of us on the Patient Satisfaction Team were invited to present our skit at the LDI luncheon in the auditorium, and in spite of having numerous rehearsals of it, it turned out about as you would expect with a secretary, nurse, radiologist, telephone operator, pharmacist and physical therapist as the cast. One common theme for me that I've noticed, whether I'm typing a document or compiling a financial report, if I'm going to make a mistake in it, I almost always make it right at the very beginning for some reason. This was no different, because even though as the Narrator, I had the most lines all the way through the entire script, it was the part where I just had to walk out from the wings and introduce myself that I totally flubbed the words. I should have just said, "I'm sorry, but I'm in the Federal Witness Protection Program, and I can't tell you my name." One good thing about amateur theatricals, however, is that everyone in the audience is just so amazed that you can actually get up on the stage and speak, because they have the feeling that they would just die of fright before they could ever do anything like that themselves. This audience of hospital administrators and managers was obviously so starved for entertainment, that they cheered and applauded practically every line, much less each scene change, and we concluded our skit to the kind of tumultuous acclaim that a Broadway producer would kill for. And in typical fashion for this skit, it included two replacement people who were pressed into service with no experience with the parts previously. It was a lucky thing for us that the audience was so undemanding, because mine weren't the only flubbed lines in the production, not by a long shot. After that, they invited us to join them for lunch, which turned out to be a very nice buffet of fried chicken, baked ziti, stuffed fish, polenta, salad and rolls, and after our trial by fire, we all felt like we certainly earned it.
On the subject of earnings, what would have seemed unthinkable just a few years ago, became a sad reality when the New York Yankees and their long-time manager Joe Torre could not agree to contract terms for the upcoming season, and instead had a parting of the ways. In 12 years, he had coached the team to the playoffs 12 times, plus won the World Series 4 times, so his record speaks for itself and he certainly doesn't need anyone to defend him. If the Yankees think they are going to find anyone better, I'd be surprised, and as we already found out to our dismay in the patient satisfaction skit, you can't just plug someone into a part and expect them to succeed. ("Hello, my name is ..... what the heck is my name again?") For his part, Joe Torre has said that he does not intend to retire, so I'm thinking that it should be some very interesting times ahead in the hot stove league over the winter, and some very lucky team is going to be extremely happy with their new manager in spring training. And don't forget, that will be here before we all know it, right after Thanksa-Christma-Kwanza-Nukkah, believe me.
Speaking of good sports, Bill was obliging enough to take an online survey for some folks, and at the very beginning is a question designed to gather demographic information, or rather, it would do that, if it didn't say instead --
======================
Which of these apply to you .....
[] None of the above.
======================
Well, that's the kind of thing we used to say, "Close, but no cigar," which is no doubt an expression that's lost on young people nowadays, and more's the pity, I'm sure. Of course, Bill is a good sport about taking surveys, and he takes them seriously, even when they turn out to have some unexpected humor in them, like this recent gambit from our friends at Zoomerang -
=====================
"I also took a couple of interesting surveys. One of them was an idea for a web page where you put in your health information and it keeps statistics for you. It was a cool idea, but my faith was a little shaken when I hit the "Next ->" button and found myself in the middle of a survey about iced coffee in cans. Well, it turned out it was actually part of the survey TEMPLATE these people inadvertently left attached. I finished filling it out, but it was funny to have all the "DON'T FORGET TO DELETE THESE INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE DEPLOYING YOUR SURVEY" reminders on the tops of the pages, along with soliciting my opinions about how tasty this fictitious coffee product isn't."
=====================
The people who created the survey template provide all sorts of helpful suggestions along the way, so that anyone (who isn't a total moron, that is) can easily customize their own survey to suit their purposes. Thanks to the inept minions at Zoomerang, we can see all of the sample questions, such as "Based on the price of [INSERT PRICE CONCEPT VIEWED], which statement best describes how you feel about the value of [INSERT NAME OF CONCEPT VIEWED]?" All it lacks is Frank Morgan saying, "Pay no attention to that little man behind the curtain!" to make us all feel like we've taken a peek behind the scenes at the Wizard of Oz, in the Emerald City version of online surveys. As a battle-tested veteran of the patient satisfaction skit, I know all about amateur efforts, but one can't help but expect better results from paid professionals, and not something like this similarly still-under-construction survey query from the folks at Greenfield Online, where they certainly should know better -
======================
Question - cq2aquotahid
/* Hide Before Launch */
(Hide Before Launch)
[] Ages 21-34
[] Ages 35-44
[] Ages 45-54
[] Ages 55-64
======================
Or this other arresting comment at the conclusion of a product review at aipsurveys -
======================
Thank you very much for your participation, however, this survey is now closed.
We hope to have your supports with other surveys in the future.
=======================
Well, we certainly don't want to get all of our laughs at the expense of our friendly neighborhood online survey operators, but it does seem as if there's some room for improvement there, that's for sure. Our supports, indeed. Bill is not one to be daunted, however, and he continues apace -
===========================
"The second survey I took was from Microsoft, actually asking me what they could do to improve -- HAHA!!! Boy, I'd hate to be the guy who has to read THOSE answers! I'm a loyal user of Windows, so I bet I was nicer than a lot of folks. But I did slam them on a couple of things."
[[ At that point, I told him that he could expect his computer to stop working, because after all, a monolithic evil empire like Microsoft wasn't just going to take this criticism lying down, and anyone who doesn't think that they would strike back at individual computer users, just doesn't hang out with the right kind of paranoid conspiracy theorists. I heard back from Bill later that same day. ]]
"You were right about my computer malfunctioning -- it kept getting slower and slower and I finally had to kill it and start over. I think Corel doesn't like Microsoft fonts, like this one, because the longer I typed, the slower it got. But it could have been the survey. Bear in mind, however, that mine at least contained a COUPLE of 5's out of 10 -- I'm sure that's the highest rating they got from ANYONE. I doubt they'd punish me first, since I'm sure I'm the only one who wasn't looking for negative numbers to rate them with."
===========================
Now, far be it from me to cast aspersions on our friends at Microsoft, just because they may be a monolithic evil empire (and as the comic Dom Irrera always says, "I don't mean that in a BAD way!") but I will just point out for the record that we did have all this trouble with the patient satisfaction skit AFTER this survey where Bill took Microsoft to task and in no uncertain terms. Coincidence? I think not! After all, unlike all the rest of you scoffers out there, I understand the paranoid conspiracy theorists' concept of Microsoft as well as I know my own name, and don't forget --
What the heck is my name again?
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 7:17 PM
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