Hit The Bricks
Howdy, Pilgrims!
I surely do hope that you are all having yourselves one heck of a rip-roaring, lip-smacking, gold-plated Thanksgiving blowout, with all the trimmings, and please don't spare the horses. Whether your holiday tastes run to the tried and true, with Tom Turkey at its center, or indulging in the more unconventional festivities at the local casino (and really, what would Thanksgiving be without our Native American brethren, after all?) this is an event that lends itself naturally to improvisation. There's just no wrong way to celebrate Thanksgiving, just like there's no wrong way to enjoy pumpkin pie with whipped cream, so whatever works for you, well, the sky's the limit. Above all, please take a moment to remember that the purpose of the day is not football, or shopping, or even culinary excess, but to give thanks for all of our blessings and advantages, which we take for granted all too often. Since this is a celebration of abundance, take in any "orphan pilgrims" that may not have anyone to share the holiday with, or even better, take them to the casino with you, and see if they can't turn their luck around at the slot machines. This could give a whole new meaning to the phrase "a wing and a prayer!" (And if you folks hit it big, all that I ask is that you remember the little people, thank you.) Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy it to the fullest, because although there is no wrong way to celebrate Thanksgiving, not celebrating it at all could get you in trouble with -
The Pilgrim Police
And I ought to know, because I just made them up. Meanwhile, here is something that I didn't make up, in fact as the saying goes, you couldn't make this stuff up. So let's all give thanks to Bill Fuller, for not only failing in his efforts to set a good example, but also in spectacular fashion, and instead serves as a horrible warning for us all.
==================================
Bricklayer's Accident Report ~
This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information In Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricksleft over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.
I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This counts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry.
Bill Fuller
I surely do hope that you are all having yourselves one heck of a rip-roaring, lip-smacking, gold-plated Thanksgiving blowout, with all the trimmings, and please don't spare the horses. Whether your holiday tastes run to the tried and true, with Tom Turkey at its center, or indulging in the more unconventional festivities at the local casino (and really, what would Thanksgiving be without our Native American brethren, after all?) this is an event that lends itself naturally to improvisation. There's just no wrong way to celebrate Thanksgiving, just like there's no wrong way to enjoy pumpkin pie with whipped cream, so whatever works for you, well, the sky's the limit. Above all, please take a moment to remember that the purpose of the day is not football, or shopping, or even culinary excess, but to give thanks for all of our blessings and advantages, which we take for granted all too often. Since this is a celebration of abundance, take in any "orphan pilgrims" that may not have anyone to share the holiday with, or even better, take them to the casino with you, and see if they can't turn their luck around at the slot machines. This could give a whole new meaning to the phrase "a wing and a prayer!" (And if you folks hit it big, all that I ask is that you remember the little people, thank you.) Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy it to the fullest, because although there is no wrong way to celebrate Thanksgiving, not celebrating it at all could get you in trouble with -
The Pilgrim Police
And I ought to know, because I just made them up. Meanwhile, here is something that I didn't make up, in fact as the saying goes, you couldn't make this stuff up. So let's all give thanks to Bill Fuller, for not only failing in his efforts to set a good example, but also in spectacular fashion, and instead serves as a horrible warning for us all.
==================================
Bricklayer's Accident Report ~
This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information In Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricksleft over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.
I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This counts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry.
Bill Fuller
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 7:14 PM
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