myweekandwelcometoit

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Crazy Days

Hello World,

So here we are already in 2008, believe that or don't, all shiny and new, like a precious gift just waiting to be opened. For those of us who pay attention to these things, the best part so far about January is that it's already a couple of weeks past December 21, which is the official First Day of Winter (or "NAMBLA" as Jon Stewart always says) and once you get beyond the Winter Solstice as we have, each successive day gets just a tiny incremental bit longer than the previous day, bringing with it just a little bit more sunshine into our dreary lives. I don't know about you, but I can certainly use more sunshine, especially in the dead of winter, when everything is cold and bare. Migratory birds and retirees go to Florida in the winter for the warm weather, and while I don't mind the cold so much, I could do with a lot less of the dark, believe me. I've been thinking that houses should come with storm windows that have early-morning and late-afternoon lights that make it look as if it's still light outside, instead of pitch black, so that it didn't seem like you were spending half of your time in a cave or a coal mine. Call me crazy (don't you dare!) but it's the kind of thing that just might catch on.

Speaking of things that didn't catch on, last week our friends at AOL Money & Finance were kind enough to provide a handy list of "2007 Departures: You Won't See These in 2008." The list included 18 entries such as the McRib sandwich, Coca Cola Blak, NFL Europe, the Nintendo Game Cube, House & Garden magazine, infant cough & cold medicines, Topps Meat, the Dodge Magnum, grape-flavored Pop Tarts, CompUSA, the Bombay Company, Eckerd Pharmacy, Cingular, Levitz Furniture, NetBank, "The Sopranos" cable TV show and Bob Barker hosting "The Price is Right." I'm sure I can safely speak for all of us when I say that I hope you got your licks in on these things when the getting was good, because we won't have them to kick around anymore in the future, and that's not just the Pop Tarts talking, by golly.

For anyone who may have been concerned about the current state of my mental deterioration, and their name is legion, believe me, I am happy to reassure one and all that I am officially no longer a crazy person. For the past six months, ever since I got back from vacation and found that our Clerk had been re-assigned to another department, I have been running around at work like a lunatic, trying to do two jobs, putting in ridiculous hours (gratis) with no appreciation, and just generally wearing myself to a frazzle and driving everyone around me totally nuts. But I made it clear that I was not going to do that indefinitely, and once we rang out 2007 at the end of December, all of this whole nonsense was going to get rung out right with it. So starting now in January, I actually went to work when the department opens, not an hour earlier, and I packed up and left when the department closed for the day, just like a normal person, and not some deranged kook toiling away in the dark with the sounds of the Housekeeping night staff echoing through the empty hallways. I even went to the cafeteria to have my lunch, rather than choking down crackers at my desk, and my mind was composed enough to actually read a book, as impossible as that might seem. In fact, compared to how I usually feel about short weeks at work, I thought this was a great week, and I sailed through it in a relaxed and cheerful manner, without the grinding pressure of unrealistic expectations. I know that people would scoff at the idea that I would turn into a normal human being after all this time, and well may they scoff, but so far my motto in 2008 is "Not A Crazy Person" and it works for me!

Also at work, I had a visit from part of our crack Engineering team, who thought they were breaking the news to me that one of their clerical staff had left, and was replaced by another young lady from the Engineering department at our sister institution in Mount Vernon. I was way ahead of them on this one, since I had already heard about the departure, and I also already knew the incoming lady, from conversations with her at the other hospital. The fellows explained that they were helping her get settled in, and what they were trying to convey is that they were bringing her along slowly, so she would fit in comfortably, instead of setting her loose in the midst of total chaos and dumping everything on her at once. At least, that's what I think they meant, because what they actually said was, "We're trying to weed her in gradually." Now, I've heard of things being "weeded out," but this concept of "weeding in," I have to admit is a new one on me, and one that tends to obscure, rather than illuminate, whatever their meaning might have been with that odd turn of phrase. I suppose only time will tell if she takes root, or sprouts, or whatever it might be that would demonstrate that they did a good job of weeding her in. Personally, I'm looking forward to this process coming to fruition, and even now, I'm germinating a truck patch full of bad agricultural puns to dig up for it, E - I - E - I - O!

And so what may be happening in the wonderful wide world of weather you might wonder, and well might you wonder, especially nowadays. Alert readers may remember a "mystery" Christmas present for Bill that was going to arrive after the holiday, since Santa's elves could not contrive a way to disguise it enough so that delivering it to the house would not spoil the surprise. It showed up at our front porch on Wednesday with no mystery about it, since from the time it left the truck, it was apparent to anyone from pictures and descriptions all over the box on every side and in several languages, exactly what it was. That is, a handy new electric snow thrower from our new friends at Snow Joe (and please feel free to visit their web site at http://www.snowjoe.com/ and see for yourself) where they assure us that its manageable size and reliable habits make it the perfect solution to our winter weather woes. This would be in stark contrast to our unwieldy and cantankerous gas model, which has never really warmed up to the idea of throwing snow to any great extent, and basically refuses to operate under any inclement conditions that include, for instance, cold or snow. We had high hopes for our new Snow Joe, and looked forward to trying it out at the next flake-fulness opportunity, to see what it could do with our sidewalks and driveway. But alas, what is more likely to happen is that having this at our house will almost certainly guarantee a total lack of snow, at least in our neighborhood, for the rest of the winter and probably for years beyond. I suppose in its own way, that's about the best kind of snow thrower anyone could have, the kind that entirely prevents it from snowing in the first place.

In the true holiday spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation, Bill feels I would be remiss if I didn't re-visit the situation with our disappointing Christmas movie experience, and let the record show that the problem was not with "Holiday in Handcuffs," which we also saw just before Christmas, and also fits the category of a "newer Christmas movie that was unknown to us, and with an uncertain pedigree ..." In spite of its title, we found it a fluffy seasonal confection starring the delightful Melissa Joan Hart (late of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" fame) and the very handsome Mario Lopez as the unwilling love interest, whose rugged good looks would seem to be at odds with the fact that he is completely unfamiliar to either of us. Frankly, we didn't expect much of it, but were pleasantly surprised, and felt it was sweet without being cloying and funny without being stupid, which is certainly rare enough to be remarkable. No, our holiday disappointment came in the form of the legendary "A Christmas Story," which we had never seen before, and has apparently become a classic of epic magnitude, that has been hailed by critics and beloved by audiences worldwide. Of course, it's true that you can't argue with success, but there's no accounting for taste, and people can call us crazy (they'd better not!) but we just didn't like it, in spite of all the accolades that have been heaped upon it over the years. So I'm happy to set the record straight on the holiday movie fiasco, and not cast aspersions on Melissa Joan Hart, or that hunky Mario Lopez, who can put the ho-ho-ho into my holiday any time.

Meanwhile, I couldn't help but notice recently when I was checking my email, that I had received a note which identified itself as The Latest From Vista Print, with this arresting subject line -- [[ "Looking To Personalize Your Business Cards?" ]] Gee, I hope so! Here I'm thinking, it wouldn't make much sense to have business cards that weren't personalized, for heaven's sake, or just had blank lines where you needed to fill in all the information for yourself. In fact, it wouldn't be a gross exaggeration to say that business cards are the very epitome of personalization, since their sole purpose is to identify the person they belong to, and if our friends at Vista Print think that they can make any money by selling bulk generic non-personalized business cards, I'm afraid that I might have some very important news for whoever came up with that idea, and it would not be good. I might argue that only a crazy person would go to all the trouble of having business cards printed that were NOT personalized, so you know they couldn't be for me, because after all, everyone knows that I am -

Not A Crazy Person

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