Go Directly To Jail
Hello World,
Happy Summer! I don't know about where you are, but so far, this would only be anyone's idea of summer in the Bizarro Universe, where nothing is as it should be, and no doubt, Comrade Mischka reigns supreme. The last week in May around here was over 90 degrees with wilting humidity, and if this was Spring, it was not for the faint-hearted. Last night it was so cold that I couldn't sleep, and I had to get up and put on more clothes just to go to bed. The weather forecasters tell me that today is the summer solstice, the official first day of summer, although I don't mind saying that for the most part, they have no idea what they're talking about, so I have no reason to believe them now. But I suppose that it's just barely possible that somewhere else, in some enchanted other place, and not just in the mythical memories of yesteryear and halcyon days of yore, the first day of summer is actually behaving like summer, to the delight of contented locals. On the other hand, we're having the kind of weather that always makes me shudder and wonder, am I really going camping in three weeks? The mind reels.
Of course, last Saturday was Flag Day, and the flag brigade was out early to run up the colors upstairs and downstairs, and lend some welcome patriotic hues to the neighborhood on Old Glory's special day. It was a lovely morning, and there's nothing like seeing those bright white and red stripes snapping in the wind to put you in mind of purple mountain's majesty, rocket's red glare and oceans white with foam, from sea to shining sea. Unfortunately, it didn't hold up, and by 3:30, the flag brigade had to step lively to pull in both flags just barely ahead of the thunderstorms that blew in out of nowhere and spoiled an otherwise glorious day. Carrying the flags back into the house had the usual effect of terrorizing the cats, in spite of the fact that between Memorial Day (traditional and observed) and Flag Day and July 4th, I do this exact same thing with the flags on two floors, about four times in six weeks, and have done so for two dozen years now. But no amount of repetition is making this any more popular with our cats, although at least with some of them, the thunderstorms are even less so. Between the flags and the thunder, I was about as unpopular with the cats as a law against catnip. That is, except in cases of medical emergencies.
Speaking of medicine, we have Bill to thank for the following venture into therapeutic remedies:
====================
I went online again, looking for people who had problems with one blood pressure drug and who were now taking something else. Well, the first place I ran into actually turned out to be a site selling the original stuff instead. But for some reason, I hesitated to send them my money. Their site said:
Good afternoon. You welcomes *1 TOP PILLS - SHOP PHARMACY. We are very glad you to see at us! Also we can offer you set of
various preparations various a direction, for example: Male Enchancement, Female Enchancement, Sleeping Aid, Anti-Acidity,
Anti-Diabetic, Anti-Herpes, Weight loss, and many other things! The flexible system of discounts, an individual approach to
the client Operates! Very convenient delivery, and fast. For earlier it is grateful, for visiting.
====================
For earlier it is grateful, indeed. Bill couldn't help but wonder, who wouldn't want their female enchanced, after all, and he might be onto something there. But as for me, I'd be more willing to fork over my hard earned cash for an individual approach to the client Operates! They certainly got our attention, and not just because they were very glad us to see at them. I don't mind saying that no less than the giant of retail online commerce, amazon, has never once told us they were very glad us to see at them, so I think we can all agree that there is a lesson to be learned in all this.
As we all know, last Sunday was Father's Day, and a nicer day would be hard to imagine. Personally, I think that any day that starts with presents is a good day, so Bill had reason to rejoice in this feature of his special day. The cats were on top of their game, bringing their "Daddy Cat" gifts of apparel, entertainment, gadgets and even some organic treats for mind and body. Best of all (at least for people with a lot of cats) might have been the candle warmer, which is like a little hot plate that you plug in and it holds a scented jar candle, and warms it up to release the fragrance of the candle without burning it. We put it in the front hall, right next to one of the litter boxes, and although the candle gave it everything it had, I would have to say that unfortunately the litter box has been the clear winner so far, at least in the categories of strength and distance, which the candle simply cannot match. So far we've tried it with two different candles that we liked the scent of, and my feeling is that if we find a candle with a smell that we don't like (eucalyptus springs immediately to mind) that would probably do the trick.
After the excitement of Father's Day had died down around here, I went outside to do some more yard work, in my never-ending battle against encroaching weeds, vines, foreign invasives and pests of all kinds. I soon discovered that Father's Day was still in full swing in other areas of our fair city, with what sounded like a wild and rollicking concert from the band shell at the nearby park. It was a lovely day, and it was actually a nice treat to have musical accompaniment to my gardening efforts, which are boring at the best of times, and interspersed only with the maniacal rage that comes from too much rampant mutant alien poison ivy in your yard. Although I will say, if I was choosing my own music to garden by, it would not have been hours of blaring Latin dance songs, with their throbbing guitars and maracas, but from a distance, it was nice enough and an interesting change of pace. But even I was not prepared for the climax of their show, which was evidently the salsa version of Jailhouse Rock at full volume, and you can believe me when I say that it obliterated everything in its path and took no prisoners. I didn't go by later to see if the band shell was still standing after their epic rendition of this classic rock anthem, but you could certainly hear the cheers for miles in any direction when they finally wrapped it up. So Father's Day was certainly one for the books, at least in terms of decibel level, with a little something for each and every one of the fathers out there, and even the ones in the ol' calabozo.
In other news, at least for us, we actually went to the movies last night, and saw the new Indiana Jones film. We probably haven't been to the cinema since the last Star Wars movie came out, whenever that was, so we were looking forward to it as a fun diversion in an otherwise ordinary week. Like the Star Wars franchise, I'm on board with the idea of seeing all of the Indiana Jones movies, just for the sake of seeing them all, and I'm sure there are people who felt the same way about The Godfather, Rocky, Alien, The Matrix or Harry Potter, sticking with it through the whole series. I would have gone to see it anyway, even if everyone said it was horrible, because I had already seen the first three anyway, but the fact is that I never saw any reviews of it, so I had no idea what anyone else may have thought of it in the first place. So it wouldn't be fair to say it was a big disappointment, because that would imply that we had some special expectations for it, which we didn't. It would be safe to say that it's very loud, and has lots of action and some amazing special effects, and what they must have spent on locations and sets would have been more than the entire gross national product of many small countries. At one point, after the umpteenth tomb in the umpteenth cave in the umpteenth cemetery, I said to Bill that I only wish I had the synthetic cobweb commission for this movie, and I could retire in luxury. When it was all over, all we could say about it was that it was plain stupid, in spite of a wealth of high-powered talent and vast resources that should have been enough to make it better. The story made no sense, and the characters were alternately dull, annoying, uninteresting or ridiculous. The special effects so completely overwhelmed the people, and they were so dwarfed in scale, that it was like watching a cocker spaniel lumbering through a model train layout. The chase sequences and battle scenes were almost laughably absurd, except that instead of laughing, you couldn't help groaning instead. I wouldn't say it was bad, it wasn't boring, and it didn't lack entertainment value for all of its technical wizardry, but it was just utterly stupid. I never do understand how they can take so many talented people, with decades of motion picture experience between them, and all the money in the world, and they can't tell a simple story which makes sense that people would want to see. All they needed to do was throw Jar-Jar Binks in there, and it would have been complete. Personally, I think their biggest mistake was killing off Sean Connery's character, so what they should have called it instead was "Indiana Jones and the Revenge of Bond ..... James Bond." I say throw them all in the calabozo and make them watch classic movies until they figure out how to do it right. Or at least learn to sing Jailhouse Rock in Spanish.
Happy Summer! I don't know about where you are, but so far, this would only be anyone's idea of summer in the Bizarro Universe, where nothing is as it should be, and no doubt, Comrade Mischka reigns supreme. The last week in May around here was over 90 degrees with wilting humidity, and if this was Spring, it was not for the faint-hearted. Last night it was so cold that I couldn't sleep, and I had to get up and put on more clothes just to go to bed. The weather forecasters tell me that today is the summer solstice, the official first day of summer, although I don't mind saying that for the most part, they have no idea what they're talking about, so I have no reason to believe them now. But I suppose that it's just barely possible that somewhere else, in some enchanted other place, and not just in the mythical memories of yesteryear and halcyon days of yore, the first day of summer is actually behaving like summer, to the delight of contented locals. On the other hand, we're having the kind of weather that always makes me shudder and wonder, am I really going camping in three weeks? The mind reels.
Of course, last Saturday was Flag Day, and the flag brigade was out early to run up the colors upstairs and downstairs, and lend some welcome patriotic hues to the neighborhood on Old Glory's special day. It was a lovely morning, and there's nothing like seeing those bright white and red stripes snapping in the wind to put you in mind of purple mountain's majesty, rocket's red glare and oceans white with foam, from sea to shining sea. Unfortunately, it didn't hold up, and by 3:30, the flag brigade had to step lively to pull in both flags just barely ahead of the thunderstorms that blew in out of nowhere and spoiled an otherwise glorious day. Carrying the flags back into the house had the usual effect of terrorizing the cats, in spite of the fact that between Memorial Day (traditional and observed) and Flag Day and July 4th, I do this exact same thing with the flags on two floors, about four times in six weeks, and have done so for two dozen years now. But no amount of repetition is making this any more popular with our cats, although at least with some of them, the thunderstorms are even less so. Between the flags and the thunder, I was about as unpopular with the cats as a law against catnip. That is, except in cases of medical emergencies.
Speaking of medicine, we have Bill to thank for the following venture into therapeutic remedies:
====================
I went online again, looking for people who had problems with one blood pressure drug and who were now taking something else. Well, the first place I ran into actually turned out to be a site selling the original stuff instead. But for some reason, I hesitated to send them my money. Their site said:
Good afternoon. You welcomes *1 TOP PILLS - SHOP PHARMACY. We are very glad you to see at us! Also we can offer you set of
various preparations various a direction, for example: Male Enchancement, Female Enchancement, Sleeping Aid, Anti-Acidity,
Anti-Diabetic, Anti-Herpes, Weight loss, and many other things! The flexible system of discounts, an individual approach to
the client Operates! Very convenient delivery, and fast. For earlier it is grateful, for visiting.
====================
For earlier it is grateful, indeed. Bill couldn't help but wonder, who wouldn't want their female enchanced, after all, and he might be onto something there. But as for me, I'd be more willing to fork over my hard earned cash for an individual approach to the client Operates! They certainly got our attention, and not just because they were very glad us to see at them. I don't mind saying that no less than the giant of retail online commerce, amazon, has never once told us they were very glad us to see at them, so I think we can all agree that there is a lesson to be learned in all this.
As we all know, last Sunday was Father's Day, and a nicer day would be hard to imagine. Personally, I think that any day that starts with presents is a good day, so Bill had reason to rejoice in this feature of his special day. The cats were on top of their game, bringing their "Daddy Cat" gifts of apparel, entertainment, gadgets and even some organic treats for mind and body. Best of all (at least for people with a lot of cats) might have been the candle warmer, which is like a little hot plate that you plug in and it holds a scented jar candle, and warms it up to release the fragrance of the candle without burning it. We put it in the front hall, right next to one of the litter boxes, and although the candle gave it everything it had, I would have to say that unfortunately the litter box has been the clear winner so far, at least in the categories of strength and distance, which the candle simply cannot match. So far we've tried it with two different candles that we liked the scent of, and my feeling is that if we find a candle with a smell that we don't like (eucalyptus springs immediately to mind) that would probably do the trick.
After the excitement of Father's Day had died down around here, I went outside to do some more yard work, in my never-ending battle against encroaching weeds, vines, foreign invasives and pests of all kinds. I soon discovered that Father's Day was still in full swing in other areas of our fair city, with what sounded like a wild and rollicking concert from the band shell at the nearby park. It was a lovely day, and it was actually a nice treat to have musical accompaniment to my gardening efforts, which are boring at the best of times, and interspersed only with the maniacal rage that comes from too much rampant mutant alien poison ivy in your yard. Although I will say, if I was choosing my own music to garden by, it would not have been hours of blaring Latin dance songs, with their throbbing guitars and maracas, but from a distance, it was nice enough and an interesting change of pace. But even I was not prepared for the climax of their show, which was evidently the salsa version of Jailhouse Rock at full volume, and you can believe me when I say that it obliterated everything in its path and took no prisoners. I didn't go by later to see if the band shell was still standing after their epic rendition of this classic rock anthem, but you could certainly hear the cheers for miles in any direction when they finally wrapped it up. So Father's Day was certainly one for the books, at least in terms of decibel level, with a little something for each and every one of the fathers out there, and even the ones in the ol' calabozo.
In other news, at least for us, we actually went to the movies last night, and saw the new Indiana Jones film. We probably haven't been to the cinema since the last Star Wars movie came out, whenever that was, so we were looking forward to it as a fun diversion in an otherwise ordinary week. Like the Star Wars franchise, I'm on board with the idea of seeing all of the Indiana Jones movies, just for the sake of seeing them all, and I'm sure there are people who felt the same way about The Godfather, Rocky, Alien, The Matrix or Harry Potter, sticking with it through the whole series. I would have gone to see it anyway, even if everyone said it was horrible, because I had already seen the first three anyway, but the fact is that I never saw any reviews of it, so I had no idea what anyone else may have thought of it in the first place. So it wouldn't be fair to say it was a big disappointment, because that would imply that we had some special expectations for it, which we didn't. It would be safe to say that it's very loud, and has lots of action and some amazing special effects, and what they must have spent on locations and sets would have been more than the entire gross national product of many small countries. At one point, after the umpteenth tomb in the umpteenth cave in the umpteenth cemetery, I said to Bill that I only wish I had the synthetic cobweb commission for this movie, and I could retire in luxury. When it was all over, all we could say about it was that it was plain stupid, in spite of a wealth of high-powered talent and vast resources that should have been enough to make it better. The story made no sense, and the characters were alternately dull, annoying, uninteresting or ridiculous. The special effects so completely overwhelmed the people, and they were so dwarfed in scale, that it was like watching a cocker spaniel lumbering through a model train layout. The chase sequences and battle scenes were almost laughably absurd, except that instead of laughing, you couldn't help groaning instead. I wouldn't say it was bad, it wasn't boring, and it didn't lack entertainment value for all of its technical wizardry, but it was just utterly stupid. I never do understand how they can take so many talented people, with decades of motion picture experience between them, and all the money in the world, and they can't tell a simple story which makes sense that people would want to see. All they needed to do was throw Jar-Jar Binks in there, and it would have been complete. Personally, I think their biggest mistake was killing off Sean Connery's character, so what they should have called it instead was "Indiana Jones and the Revenge of Bond ..... James Bond." I say throw them all in the calabozo and make them watch classic movies until they figure out how to do it right. Or at least learn to sing Jailhouse Rock in Spanish.
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 9:09 PM
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