Super Bowl
Hello World,
Happy November! The new month started on Sunday, so we're well into it by now, The weather has been surprisingly nice, that is, surprising to anyone who knows of the black-hearted ogre behind the Kremlin's infernal weather machine, whose nefarious schemes know no bounds. Although Bill did recently send me a news story about Chinese scientists who were trying to make it rain in order to alleviate a drought in the parched north, but instead created a blinding snowstorm, and thanks so very much not. At our house, we call this "too much of a good thing," and a perfect illustration of how the government not only doesn't give you what you need, but goes out of its way to give you what you don't need or want, and can't use. For our Chinese friends, this is what we generally refer to as "your tax dollars at work," and while the farmers were possibly not all that pleased with their results, at least the ski industry was probably happy as clams. But it just goes to show you that Comrade Mischka remains at the top in the field of weather histrionics, because he would have not only thrown snow at this drought, but uncorked his stash of fire and brimstone, raining frogs, boils, pestilence and plagues of locusts. These poor Chinese scientists have a lot of catching up to do.
Speaking of the weather, this is all I have to account for Halloween at our house this year, which because it was warm and on a Saturday, I expected to get record numbers of trick-or-treaters, and looking forward to them. Alas, although it stayed warm, it poured rain all night, and washed out any hopes of a return to the glory days of Halloween in our neighborhood, when it wasn't uncommon to get 100 callers or more. The rain put an end to that, and when all was said and done, I had given out a mere 37 goodie bags, although I have to say that I gave those stalwart folks extra credit for going out in such bad weather. This was the smallest turnout we've had since 2001, after the events of 9/11 served to make the normal frivolity seem unthinkable. Considering the tiny sample, I couldn't believe that I would have two of any costume, and I was expecting a whole night of singles. It didn't work out that way, as I had 4 princesses, three fairies, two Batgirls, two ninjas, two cats, two babies, two Lightning McQueens from "Cars" and two Dorothys from the Wizard of Oz. That meant over half of our visitors were duplicates, which I would have thought would be impossible out of such a small total. Of our single costume choices, there was only one Michael Jackson, Scream, Ariel the mermaid, Grim Reaper, Queen of Hearts, Frankenstein, Batman, skeleton, jester, soldier, pirate, vampire, zombie, cheerleader, nurse, ladybug, and my personal favorite, the McDonald's French fries. One person arrived with no costume (give them credit for coming out in the rain anyway) while another was a cartoon character called Ren 10, and someone else claimed to be dressed as singer Debbie Lovado, both of which were unfamiliar to me. For the record, our last decade by the numbers looks like this:
2008: 65
2007: 94
2006: 82
2005: 89
2004: 96
2003: 63
2002: 53
2001: 31
2000: 113
I found this year particularly disappointing, because I really had high hopes for it, with the warm weather and being on a Saturday. When it was all over, I had to dis-assemble over 60 goodie bags, which I had painstakingly crafted with five different candies and a small toy, like I always do, but usually I give more of them away than I get back at the end. I dragged the left-over candy in to work, and normally I would say that we'd be eating piles of it for the next six months, except that I work with packs of vultures, where they will eat anything that stops moving long enough for them to catch it, and they tore through all of it in a snap. It was at work that I found it even more depressing, when coworkers living in other parts of town said that they still had lots of callers like other years, but not where we were, and then I felt even worse. Oh well, as they say in major league cities all over the country in September: "Wait until next year."
Speaking of baseball, fans of the local pinstripe franchise had to be gratified at the way the post-season turned out, and a fitting christening for a brand new stadium, especially after missing the playoffs entirely only a year ago. I think that's the kind of turn-around that we can all get behind, although I feel it's only fair to point out that it's all downhill from here. And while we're on the subject of turning things around, I have to say that the new smoking shelter in the courtyard (or "the goldfish bowl," as Bill calls it) has been more popular than I would have expected, although since they said it was for the use of participants in our substance abuse program, I haven't seen one single solitary person from that unit in the courtyard at any time. They're easy to spot, since everyone on that floor wears distinctive strawberry-colored scrubs, and you usually find them in clumps, like a strawberry patch. But there hasn't been a strawberry in the goldfish bowl since they finished building it, so either the country has finally won the war on drugs and the program was disbanded, or there's some other explanation for the strawberry deficit disorder in the courtyard, that has made our fish bowl glass anything but rose-tinted. I'm sure I don't know, after all, I only work there.
Something else new in the courtyard is the security system that was recently installed on the employee entrance to the back of the main hospital building. It consists of automatic doors with a card reader, so that you are required to swipe your identification badge through it in order for the doors to open, and since this has always been one of the busiest entrances anywhere on the campus, it has really had a huge impact, and I don't mind saying, not a positive one. It would not be an overstatement to say that this has turned out to be one of the most unpopular innovations that has ever been introduced at the institution, and don't forget, this is a place that believed doing away with raises was a good idea. Of course, it's easy to rally around the idea of increased safety by limiting access to the building to people with valid ID badges, but I'd be obliged if anyone could explain to me the purpose of making people swipe their badges to get OUT of the building as well, thanks not. Now, in a normal business, the staff would simply adjust to the new routine and get on with their lives, but that's not the way we operate at the employer of last resort, not by a long shot, and I ought to know. I find the new security system has created two possibly inadvertent side effects, which both result in lower productivity, but from opposite directions. One is that people just avoid that entrance altogether, and walk all the way around the campus to get into the building from a different door without that security feature, so that it takes a lot longer to get from anywhere to anywhere else during the normal course of the day. The second is that people stand around and wait on both sides of the door, like an elevator, until someone comes along who will swipe their badge to open the doors, and then everyone else goes in or out all at once. This also takes a lot longer than it used to, since so many people are now avoiding the area, there's fewer chances to ride someone else's coat-tails, and practice safety-in-numbers through the security gauntlet. I admit that I'm one of the people ducking the new system, so the first time I needed to go to the other building after they implemented this nonsense, I went down an extra flight of stairs in my building and into the basement, then took the tunnel over there, which runs directly under the courtyard and thus bypasses the new safety blockade. Unfortunately, when I got into the main building and took the stairs back up from the basement, I forgot where I was, and came out at the wrong floor, so I had no idea what I was doing there. Just when you think that we can't possibly have any lower productivity than we already do, somehow something always seems to come along to bring the place to a standstill, and this is certainly a rose-tinted, strawberry-patched example of that, and that's no fish story. Well, maybe it is a goldfish bowl story, after all.
While I'm telling stories, for anyone who may be curious about the various components of the clown costume, it was the red foam (official Bozo the Clown) nose that arrived first, in the tiny postage stamp-sized package that weighed nothing, and made me wonder if I would be going to work in an X-rated costume this year. The outfit came with the jumpsuit costume, a detachable neck ruffle and matching hat, but did not include a clown wig, which I thought it did, and was a late and disturbing discovery when I found that it didn't. In my naivete, I thought this would be a simple deficiency to rectify with plenty of time before Halloween, as even supermarkets and drug stores carry costume fundamentals like wigs that you can pick up at the last minute, but luck wasn't on my side this time around, as I struck out at the local stores. But my online costume source came through in a pinch, which worked out even better, because I really got exactly the wig that I wanted, rather than settling for whatever left-over wigs were still on the shelves. In management, this is referred to as a "win-win" situation, while in (goldfish) bowling parlance, of course, it would be a strike.
Tying these last two themes together, we come to another favorite story from Halloween at work last Friday. I was surprised at how popular the clown costume was, and I had fun everywhere I went. I tramped to every different building, and tried to see everyone I could in one afternoon, bringing smiles to the weary and squeaking at the forlorn. I was such a big hit that it would be easy to forget that it's only because people are so starved for entertainment at the hospital, that they're much more easily amused than the general public. But sometimes, the (clown) shoe is on the other foot, as when I came around a corner from the cafeteria, and bumped into a couple of doctors outside of the Anesthesia department. They looked me over impassively and then one said to the other: "Well, obviously the new swipe system doesn't work!" Ya gotta love it! Anyway, I guess this is what you call being a big fish in a small bowl, and please remember that while strikes are good in bowling, they're bad in baseball, so kindly adjust your rose-tinted glasses accordingly.
Elle
Happy November! The new month started on Sunday, so we're well into it by now, The weather has been surprisingly nice, that is, surprising to anyone who knows of the black-hearted ogre behind the Kremlin's infernal weather machine, whose nefarious schemes know no bounds. Although Bill did recently send me a news story about Chinese scientists who were trying to make it rain in order to alleviate a drought in the parched north, but instead created a blinding snowstorm, and thanks so very much not. At our house, we call this "too much of a good thing," and a perfect illustration of how the government not only doesn't give you what you need, but goes out of its way to give you what you don't need or want, and can't use. For our Chinese friends, this is what we generally refer to as "your tax dollars at work," and while the farmers were possibly not all that pleased with their results, at least the ski industry was probably happy as clams. But it just goes to show you that Comrade Mischka remains at the top in the field of weather histrionics, because he would have not only thrown snow at this drought, but uncorked his stash of fire and brimstone, raining frogs, boils, pestilence and plagues of locusts. These poor Chinese scientists have a lot of catching up to do.
Speaking of the weather, this is all I have to account for Halloween at our house this year, which because it was warm and on a Saturday, I expected to get record numbers of trick-or-treaters, and looking forward to them. Alas, although it stayed warm, it poured rain all night, and washed out any hopes of a return to the glory days of Halloween in our neighborhood, when it wasn't uncommon to get 100 callers or more. The rain put an end to that, and when all was said and done, I had given out a mere 37 goodie bags, although I have to say that I gave those stalwart folks extra credit for going out in such bad weather. This was the smallest turnout we've had since 2001, after the events of 9/11 served to make the normal frivolity seem unthinkable. Considering the tiny sample, I couldn't believe that I would have two of any costume, and I was expecting a whole night of singles. It didn't work out that way, as I had 4 princesses, three fairies, two Batgirls, two ninjas, two cats, two babies, two Lightning McQueens from "Cars" and two Dorothys from the Wizard of Oz. That meant over half of our visitors were duplicates, which I would have thought would be impossible out of such a small total. Of our single costume choices, there was only one Michael Jackson, Scream, Ariel the mermaid, Grim Reaper, Queen of Hearts, Frankenstein, Batman, skeleton, jester, soldier, pirate, vampire, zombie, cheerleader, nurse, ladybug, and my personal favorite, the McDonald's French fries. One person arrived with no costume (give them credit for coming out in the rain anyway) while another was a cartoon character called Ren 10, and someone else claimed to be dressed as singer Debbie Lovado, both of which were unfamiliar to me. For the record, our last decade by the numbers looks like this:
2008: 65
2007: 94
2006: 82
2005: 89
2004: 96
2003: 63
2002: 53
2001: 31
2000: 113
I found this year particularly disappointing, because I really had high hopes for it, with the warm weather and being on a Saturday. When it was all over, I had to dis-assemble over 60 goodie bags, which I had painstakingly crafted with five different candies and a small toy, like I always do, but usually I give more of them away than I get back at the end. I dragged the left-over candy in to work, and normally I would say that we'd be eating piles of it for the next six months, except that I work with packs of vultures, where they will eat anything that stops moving long enough for them to catch it, and they tore through all of it in a snap. It was at work that I found it even more depressing, when coworkers living in other parts of town said that they still had lots of callers like other years, but not where we were, and then I felt even worse. Oh well, as they say in major league cities all over the country in September: "Wait until next year."
Speaking of baseball, fans of the local pinstripe franchise had to be gratified at the way the post-season turned out, and a fitting christening for a brand new stadium, especially after missing the playoffs entirely only a year ago. I think that's the kind of turn-around that we can all get behind, although I feel it's only fair to point out that it's all downhill from here. And while we're on the subject of turning things around, I have to say that the new smoking shelter in the courtyard (or "the goldfish bowl," as Bill calls it) has been more popular than I would have expected, although since they said it was for the use of participants in our substance abuse program, I haven't seen one single solitary person from that unit in the courtyard at any time. They're easy to spot, since everyone on that floor wears distinctive strawberry-colored scrubs, and you usually find them in clumps, like a strawberry patch. But there hasn't been a strawberry in the goldfish bowl since they finished building it, so either the country has finally won the war on drugs and the program was disbanded, or there's some other explanation for the strawberry deficit disorder in the courtyard, that has made our fish bowl glass anything but rose-tinted. I'm sure I don't know, after all, I only work there.
Something else new in the courtyard is the security system that was recently installed on the employee entrance to the back of the main hospital building. It consists of automatic doors with a card reader, so that you are required to swipe your identification badge through it in order for the doors to open, and since this has always been one of the busiest entrances anywhere on the campus, it has really had a huge impact, and I don't mind saying, not a positive one. It would not be an overstatement to say that this has turned out to be one of the most unpopular innovations that has ever been introduced at the institution, and don't forget, this is a place that believed doing away with raises was a good idea. Of course, it's easy to rally around the idea of increased safety by limiting access to the building to people with valid ID badges, but I'd be obliged if anyone could explain to me the purpose of making people swipe their badges to get OUT of the building as well, thanks not. Now, in a normal business, the staff would simply adjust to the new routine and get on with their lives, but that's not the way we operate at the employer of last resort, not by a long shot, and I ought to know. I find the new security system has created two possibly inadvertent side effects, which both result in lower productivity, but from opposite directions. One is that people just avoid that entrance altogether, and walk all the way around the campus to get into the building from a different door without that security feature, so that it takes a lot longer to get from anywhere to anywhere else during the normal course of the day. The second is that people stand around and wait on both sides of the door, like an elevator, until someone comes along who will swipe their badge to open the doors, and then everyone else goes in or out all at once. This also takes a lot longer than it used to, since so many people are now avoiding the area, there's fewer chances to ride someone else's coat-tails, and practice safety-in-numbers through the security gauntlet. I admit that I'm one of the people ducking the new system, so the first time I needed to go to the other building after they implemented this nonsense, I went down an extra flight of stairs in my building and into the basement, then took the tunnel over there, which runs directly under the courtyard and thus bypasses the new safety blockade. Unfortunately, when I got into the main building and took the stairs back up from the basement, I forgot where I was, and came out at the wrong floor, so I had no idea what I was doing there. Just when you think that we can't possibly have any lower productivity than we already do, somehow something always seems to come along to bring the place to a standstill, and this is certainly a rose-tinted, strawberry-patched example of that, and that's no fish story. Well, maybe it is a goldfish bowl story, after all.
While I'm telling stories, for anyone who may be curious about the various components of the clown costume, it was the red foam (official Bozo the Clown) nose that arrived first, in the tiny postage stamp-sized package that weighed nothing, and made me wonder if I would be going to work in an X-rated costume this year. The outfit came with the jumpsuit costume, a detachable neck ruffle and matching hat, but did not include a clown wig, which I thought it did, and was a late and disturbing discovery when I found that it didn't. In my naivete, I thought this would be a simple deficiency to rectify with plenty of time before Halloween, as even supermarkets and drug stores carry costume fundamentals like wigs that you can pick up at the last minute, but luck wasn't on my side this time around, as I struck out at the local stores. But my online costume source came through in a pinch, which worked out even better, because I really got exactly the wig that I wanted, rather than settling for whatever left-over wigs were still on the shelves. In management, this is referred to as a "win-win" situation, while in (goldfish) bowling parlance, of course, it would be a strike.
Tying these last two themes together, we come to another favorite story from Halloween at work last Friday. I was surprised at how popular the clown costume was, and I had fun everywhere I went. I tramped to every different building, and tried to see everyone I could in one afternoon, bringing smiles to the weary and squeaking at the forlorn. I was such a big hit that it would be easy to forget that it's only because people are so starved for entertainment at the hospital, that they're much more easily amused than the general public. But sometimes, the (clown) shoe is on the other foot, as when I came around a corner from the cafeteria, and bumped into a couple of doctors outside of the Anesthesia department. They looked me over impassively and then one said to the other: "Well, obviously the new swipe system doesn't work!" Ya gotta love it! Anyway, I guess this is what you call being a big fish in a small bowl, and please remember that while strikes are good in bowling, they're bad in baseball, so kindly adjust your rose-tinted glasses accordingly.
Elle
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 10:12 PM
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