White Elephant

Hello World, Greetings from the middle of what I hope is a very happy April for you so far. We really can't complain about the weather around here, try as we might, as it has continued to be glorious and revitalizing, day in and day out. It seems as if all growing things are at least two weeks ahead of schedule, if not more, and spring fever is a very real and present condition that cannot be ignored. Happening in the yard right now, we have tulips in earnest, putting on a show of bright reds and cheerful yellows that never fail to delight. There's also a carpet of pastel wind flowers under the sycamore, perky grape hyacinths in clusters, a veritable riot of violets scattered everywhere, and stately English wood hyacinths in bunches along the driveway and rock wall. This morning, I even saw some early wisteria, which seems impossible, but there it was, however illogical it might be. Best of all, the neighbors' dogwoods have finally burst into bloom, and always a welcome sight - although alert readers may remember one that came down in a storm and crashed into our driveway, crushing the poor ratty fence underneath it - so the display is not quite as abundant as in years past. Also early but not nearly as welcome, I actually spotted some garlic mustard springing up in a weedy patch, and this invasive interloper never travels alone, so we can look forward to more of that, and pretty darned soon at this rate, I'm thinking. Another unexpected arrival was one of our spunky bleeding hearts, whose jaunty pink blossoms are really a tonic for what ails you, that's for sure. On the local sports scene, the unsung Mets started their season off with a bang, posting a 3-0 record after completing a sweep of the dratted Braves, to the wonder of just about everybody, who had long since written them off before they even left Florida in March. On the other side of the pinstripe divide, the mighty Yankees looked anything but, when they were summarily broomed out of Tampa by the Rays, thereby losing every game of an opening series for the first time since 1998. Luckily for their legion of fans, they then went on to reel off 4 wins in a row and improve their record to a respectable 4-3 in the first week, while the junior franchise settled into a .500 rut over the next four games, but still sporting an impressive 5-2 record, which is much better than anyone could have expected under the circumstances. They may end up the season with just those 5 wins and 157 losses, but hey, at least the first week was not a total disaster anyway. On the frozen front, the surprising Rangers finished the season atop the NHL standings for the first time since 1994, making the Garden loyalists wonder if this might really be their year after all, when Lord Stanley's Cup finally comes back to The Big Apple at long last. In hockey, the playoffs are long and arduous, so the Blueshirts have their work cut out for them, and only time will tell if the Cup will overflow with champagne, or the bitter tears of their long-suffering fans once more. Of course, Sunday was Easter for much of the Christian world, with the Eastern Orthodox faithful following suit the Sunday after. We took the opportunity to visit my sister on Long Island, where the weather could not have been more spectacular, and even better, lunch at Denny's was a treat that we had been deprived of for far too long. That turned out to be everything we could have hoped, and after that, we ran some errands, which at least served the purpose of making the President's economic advisors happy, especially since one of them involved going to a gas station - and it goes without saying, YIKES!!! There were even presents, which is an Easter innovation that does not seem to have caught on with the rest of the wide world, but works for me, and included some belated birthday presents, since we hadn't seen my sister for her special day (or mine) in the middle of March. Everyone knows that I always say that a day with presents is definitely my kind of day, and this one was threatening to be overwhelmed with just about too much wonderfulness for the likes of us to withstand, although fortunately, we're made of sterner stuff. Adding even more to the wonderfulness, we topped off the day with our very favorite pizza with sesame seeds on the crust, and wrapped it all up with our resident tech maven Bill solving all of the computer problems that my sister had to throw at him. Modern technology is no match for our gadget guru, who has the strength of ten because his heart is pure. Speaking of modern technology, our new TiVo Premiere had recorded a program on February 15th, and when I watched it recently, I couldn't help but notice that it included a long and involved commercial for a newly revamped Lexus for 2013. (!!!) Mind you, this was still the middle of February, for heaven's sake, and they were already advertising cars that they wanted me to buy for the model year that was almost an entire 12 months ahead of time. Normally, I would say that was putting the proverbial go-go cart ahead of the horse power, but I'm sure we all know by now that no amount of logic will stem the tide of a relentless runaway fast-forward time warp, where people are forced to buy swimsuits in January, school supplies in May, and winter coats in August. I'm expecting the Christmas music catalogs at church any day now. But I think that Lexus has taken it to a whole new level with their 2013 models in February, and I for one, simply have to draw the line at this sort of tomfoolery. In fact, I can guarantee that I will refuse to buy a 2013 Lexus at any time during this entire year, no matter what the President's economic advisors might try to persuade me with, and that's my final word on the subject. Meanwhile at work, I was visited by a fretful coworker from another department, who was carrying a copy of a recent purchase order, that she was anxious to discuss with me. She pointed out with trembling hands that we had apparently charged her $129.00 for a bottle of White Out correction fluid, and there was no denying the validity of her complaint, since it was right there in black and white on the copy of the purchase order. It seems the department objected to the cost of this item, assuming that it would be in a much more reasonable price range, especially for something so tiny, and she hurried over for some reassurance that this egregious error would not stand. Here's what I said: "Picky, picky, picky." While it's true that our office supply vendor sells this product for $1.29 per bottle - and it was only the over-enthusiastic fingers of our buyer who inadvertently came up with the other exorbitant amount - I can tell you that $129.00 for a bottle of White Out would thrill the hearts of the President's economic advisors no end, and make a 2013 Lexus seem downright thrifty by comparison. But I see that time's a-wasting, make no mistake about it, and after all, it's already the middle of April, so I'd better hurry off and make my plans for Labor Day, pick out my party supplies for the World Series, and buy my Halloween candy right now before it's too late. But I can tell you that no matter how many mistakes I make, you can be sure that I won't be stocking up on $129.00 White Out, by golly. Elle