So Goes The Nation

Hello World, Happy October! You know the time has surely come, and not a moment too soon, when the baseball playoffs are underway in earnest, thrilling fans in baseball cities all across this mighty nation - that is, at least 10 of those cities anyway. Unfortunately for the local loyalists, both the vaunted Yankees and the hapless Mets missed the playoffs again, although it must be said of at least one of them (not the Yankees) that it came as no surprise to anybody. The surprise, if there was one, was that the Amazin's actually finished in second place in the NL East, of all things, in spite of their record, which ended up the season at a woeful 4 games under .500 - so that tells you something about the rest of their division right there, if nothing else. In fairness, Da Bombers didn't exactly cover themselves in glory this season either, because although they finished in second place, their record was only a scant 6 games over .500 at the end. The Wild Card games have already come and gone, so the matchups have been set among the remaining hopefuls in Baltimore, Detroit, Kansas City, Los Angeles (both teams, believe that or don't) San Francisco, St. Louis, and last but not least, the nation's capital. (For the linguistically challenged among us, such as my last two poor addled brain cells, we have to remember the old schoolroom mnemonic: "The capitol building is in the nation's capital.") The Los Angeles Angels (sorry, but the stickler in me insists on pointing out, for "Los Angeles," please read "Anaheim" throughout) had the best record in baseball, but anyone can tell you that often doesn't carry over into the pressure-packed, fast-paced minefield of the playoffs, where anything can happen, and usually does. Of course, everyone knows that I'm never one to court disaster, so for what it's worth, my money's on Affirmed. In other sports news, NHL camps have thrown open their doors, and skaters have hit the ice in two countries across the northern hemisphere, with several pre-season games already under their collective belts, as it were. Desolate fans saw the Rangers lose a heart-breaking Game 7 in the Stanley Cup finals last season, and many hope that now will be the time for them to pull it all together and finally come out at the top of the heap. Unfortunately, what usually happens when a team comes so close but falls just short, is that it's such a letdown that they have a horrible year afterward, and frankly, I personally think Affirmed would have a better chance of winning the Stanley Cup than the Rangers at this point. Meanwhile, for their roommates at the World's Most Famous Arena, the Knicks are about to start their season with a new head coach, Derek Fisher, whoever the heck he is. I admit that I've never heard of the guy, but it turns out that he's no slouch, and his credentials need no "dee-FENCE dee-FENCE" from me, I dare say. He recently retired from an admirable 20-year career in the NBA with 5 different teams, including 13 seasons with the LA Lakers, where he won 5 championships, and has the rings to prove it. He leads all NBA players in the number of playoff games, more even than Kobe Bryant and Tim Duncan, and as former President of the players union, is a well-respected figure throughout the league. One can only hope that he might be just the spark plug the under-performing Knicks need to get them back on track to post-season glory once again, and give the Garden faithful something to live for, after literally decades of disappointment. After all, they haven't won it all in 41 years, since those halcyon days of yore with Walt Frazier, Willis Reed, Dave DeBusschere, "Dollar" Bill Bradley and Dick Barnett - and let's face it, that's even longer than Affirmed has been sabotaging the Triple Crown, for heaven's sake. Not technically sports news - in fact, just the opposite - last week hard on the heels of the Yankees' legendary shortstop retiring from the game, the world found itself confronted with the following nonsense, published by The Empire News, a fictitious news source (like our friends at The Onion) specializing in mis-information and fabrications for comedic effect: ================================= Derek Jeter Cancels Retirement, Signs 3-year Contract with Boston Red Sox ================================= For anyone not already familiar with them and their satirical humor, this salvo hit like a bombshell, and anybody with a Twitter account can tell you that the whole Twitter-sphere was all agog, right from the start. The prank got so much traction that urban legend debunker snopes.com had no choice but to weigh in, with reassurances to hysterical fans on both sides of the pinstripe divide, that it was nothing but a silly hoax after all. I actually thought it was pretty funny under the circumstances, although I couldn't help but sense the unmistakable hoofprints of Affirmed's evil genius working its sinister magic behind the scenes. And speaking of hoofprints, today our local newspaper printed a review of The Filling Station in West Haverstraw, featuring their signature organic hamburgers, hand-cut sweet potato fries, and craft beers - and as the food critics can't wait to tell you nowadays - the ingredients are all locally-sourced. Apparently the eatery is renowned for its burgers, but I don't mind saying that what really got my attention was this tasty tidbit: "The Hudson Valley cattle received no antibiotics or hormones, and were allowed to roam the range." Inasmuch as this place is a mere 35 miles from the bright lights and skyscrapers of New York City, I'm thinking the only range these organic cows might be roaming would be the driving range of the local country club. After all, the Hudson Valley has long since become one of the most over-developed areas anywhere, and even in its bucolic heyday was not exactly the wide open spaces of the wild, wild west, that's for dad-gum, gol-dang sure, pardner - and not to mention, sure as shootin' and true as the crow flies. So they can say what they want about these free-roaming beasts, but it still fails to conjure up any vistas of the lone prairie in my mind, much less mighty herds of longhorns stretching across the horizon as far as the eye can see. I won't go so far as to say that the wags at The Empire News somehow hornswoggled the restaurant reviewer with that "home on the range" claptrap, but I get the feeling that somewhere off in the great beyond, Affirmed is having one big fat laugh. Elle