Chief Executive

Hello World, Happy November! It hardly seems as if the new month has even really gotten underway, and already it's been eventful times around here. Of course, October 30th was Reformation Day, when back in 1517 Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses, basically told Pope Leo X to go peddle his papers elsewhere, and pretty much started the whole Protestant Reformation singlehanded. The following day was Halloween, capped off with a bang as Daylight Saving Time came to a screeching halt at 2:00 AM, and the switch-over back to Standard Time for the winter. We all get a lot more exercise traipsing around changing times on everything, which is probably all part of the plan, I shouldn't wonder. (Although I have to agree with the joke about the wise old Native American tribal leader, when someone explained Daylight Saving Time to him, observed dryly: "Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket." You tell 'em, Chief!) On top of all that, Sunday was also All Saints Day, followed by All Souls Day on Monday, which should pretty much cover all those dearly departed we would like to remember, leaving out the unquiet remains of the Netherworld, the undead, and the various paranormal of all sorts. Then Tuesday was Election Day, featuring its own various paranormal of all sorts, only just barely masquerading as real human beings and fooling nobody, I dare say. In fact, if anything, it sounds suspiciously like cutting the top off the blanket all over again, Paleface. Alas, now there really is no joy in Mudville, as the over-matched Mets were blown out of the World Series in 5 games by Kansas City, in contrast to their surprisingly steady march through the playoffs previously. They did manage to win one game, salvaging a shred of their dignity and avoiding the ignominy of a sweep - but they had to pull out all the stops to do it. They had the iconic Billy Joel sing the National Anthem, the legendary Mike Piazza throw out the first pitch, and the fireballer Noah Syndergaard on the mound, the combination of which proved to be too much for the Royals. Unfortunately, the other 4 games told a different story, and in the spirit of the season, it was quite a horror story at that. Now we have only 3 other sports to console ourselves with over the long cold winter, and the local teams may not all win, but at least we know it would be mathematically impossible for them all to come in dead last. And speaking of dead (and loving it!) Halloween reared its ghoulish head on Saturday, right on schedule, with plenty of frightful fun for all, and I ought to know. For this time of year, Saturday was a glorious day with blazing sunshine, unseasonably mild with just a hint of crispness in the air. I was looking forward to great things, although I admit that I've been sorely disappointed at other times, when high hopes and excellent conditions still failed to achieve the desired results. There were actually a tiny handful of intrepid souls who went out during the day, but that was before we were set up for visitors, and I didn't actually see them. The regular procession started early, just after 6:00 PM, and I thought we were in for a big night of it, by all indications. That first group included a pair of Tinkerbells, of all things, plus a pirate, and our neighbor's irrepressible Emmett, a Halloween mainstay from infancy, as a werewolf. It turned out to be a good long while after that until the next callers, and they continued to show up in dribs and drabs through it all, which was particularly disheartening, considering it was Saturday night and very fine weather. I'm figuring our old nemesis Comrade Mischka at the controls of the Kremlin's infernal weather machine, must really be a goblin at heart. All told, we had 49 trick-or-treaters, far below our holiday heyday when we scraped 100 on a routine basis, but at least a tiny uptick over last year's dreadful 42, so I suppose the lesson is to be grateful for small favors at this point. And it's not because Halloween is losing its popularity and being relegated to the scrap heap of outdated or discredited holidays like Arbor Day, Veterans Day, or Amerigo Vespucci Day, I can tell you that. (For some reason, The Holiday Police are waving frantically and trying to get my attention, but I'm sure it's nothing important, they're notorious sticklers and tend to over-react about the most inconsequential things, honestly.) Retailers are happy to report that Halloween is now the second biggest holiday of the year in terms of merchandising, behind only Christmas in total dollars spent for the occasion. On the bright side, out of 49 callers, I had only 1 with no costume, so that meant at least the remaining 48 went to some trouble to dress up, and that counts for a lot with me. I found it sort of an odd year for costume choices, starting with 6 characters from movies that I had never heard of, which outnumbered the others, like Anna and Elsa from "Frozen," that I already did know. There was a Darth Vader and a Star Wars Imperial Storm Trooper who showed up separately, and I'm thinking it was probably a lucky thing for all of us that they weren't together. There were 4 cats and 2 mice, 2 princesses, plus a bumblebee, bunny, lion, and pony that looked nothing like what they told me their costumes were. I had one skeleton, one witch, one demon, one vampire, one monster, one dragon slayer, one Grim Reaper, one Crypt Keeper, one Spiderman and one SpongeBob SquarePants. There was one inventive young chap dressed up as a Starbucks coffee cup that I thought was hilarious. Inconceivably, I had two children show up separately as mimes (I kid you not) and both of whom announced, "I'm a mime" without prompting. I told both of them that they probably shouldn't say anything if their intention is to be a mime, but regrettably, the irony was lost on them. My favorite costume of the night - and this is well on its way to being my favorite costume of all time - was a young fellow with small cereal boxes taped to his body with plastic knives punched through them, because his cohort explained, he was a "cereal killer." (Oof!!!) The whole shebang, which started early and bright with promise, had all petered out with a whimper before 8:30, which really surprised me. Among the missing, I noticed there were no infants in arms that parents usually carry around, dressed as Elmo or a ladybug, and looking so adorable in their cute baby costumes. Heck, some of those outfits are so precious, it just about makes you want to go out and rent a baby, so you can parade around with it for the night, and it's a wonder that the Costume Baby Escort Service hasn't already caught on in a big way. Why, it would be just like taking candy from a baby, as the saying goes, and that's not just a bunch of rubber baby buggy bumpers, believe me. One little hiccup in the proceedings came courtesy of a couple of tiny tykes who arrived together, and the over-ambitious one on the left - after I had already asked about her costume and given her candy - continued to surreptitiously filch more candy out of the bowl I was holding while I was asking her companion about her own costume. I don't like to be captious, and I hate to complain, because she obviously had no way of knowing that's exactly how I keep track of how many visitors we've had, by putting a specific quantity of candy in the bowl, and then checking the remaining numbers against my list of costumes. Clearly, this only works on a one-to-one basis, not if one over-enthusiastic urchin takes numerous candies on their own initiative, and messes up my whole system, thanks not. Fortunately, my costume list was still accurate, and I certainly didn't begrudge the youngster her extra treats, but if it had been a really busy night ... well, suffice to say that I'm afraid I might have behaved in a way that would have done me no credit, and scared the wits out of anyone in the vicinity, and that's putting it mildly. In fact, if she had been carrying around a blanket, I would have cut the top right off of the thing, and the heck with the peace pipe, kemo sabe. Elle