School Spirit

Hello World, Oh, blessed relief! The weather here has finally moderated a bit, and people are not just collapsing from heat prostration on the streets, or reduced to subsisting on a steady diet of malls, movie theaters, and the supermarket frozen food section to stay cool enough to survive the onslaught. Unlike the previous heat wave in July, this latest one came with a complement of rip-roaring thunderstorms, almost every night, and the sound and fury was a sight to behold, believe me. Even our cats were rattled, and you've got to go a long way to spook a pack of battle-scarred alley cats from the school of hard knocks, who can sleep through just about anything, except vacuuming. (The only explanation that I can come up with is that in a far distant galaxy, the peaceful residents of The Cat Planet are routinely terrorized by evil marauders from their sworn enemies on The Electrolux Planet.) Speaking of school, anyone active on social media can tell, from their various friends and relatives (not to mention, what we refer to in our house as "Norwegian Strangers") that many locales have already gone back to school, as witnessed by pictures of countless smiling youngsters sporting new clothes and backpacks, and eager to hit those books once again. Mind you, this has been going on for a week or more, which was not even within hailing distance of Labor Day, much less after Labor Day, when the school year started for our old friends the dinosaurs and the rest of us geezers from the primordial ooze in the great unformed land masses. Frankly, I can't blame "holiday creep" for that, and it's no wonder that the retailers start putting out their back-to-school displays in June, if schools are going to open in the beginning of August, and not September, like they're supposed to. Admittedly, there are many of us oldsters who can remember school in August, but the difference is that we used to call it "summer school." Also in social media lately, I believe we have the ubiquitous auto-correct feature to thank for the following story that cropped up on my Twitter feed this week: ================================= Buglers Use Van to Ram into California Store ================================= One might suppose that it could be a music store that was their target, otherwise, what the buglers had in mind is a mystery to me, I'm sure, and their bugles even more so. (CHARGE!!!) More likely, the writer of the post mis-spelled the word "burglars," and the double-edged sword that is auto-correct "improved" the errant subject to "buglers" instead - thrilling the hearts of the Twitter-sphere's boogie woogie bugle boys, no doubt, but rendering the headline not only completely meaningless, but inadvertently comical in the process, and thanks ever so much not. And speaking of technology run amok, anyone using a computer with a Microsoft operating system is probably familiar with Windows Media Player, which generally comes built right in when you buy a new PC, or you can certainly download the newest version for free directly from their web site. I have the feeling that the tech giant doesn't want you to know this, but theirs is not the only media player out there, for instance, VLC Media Player has a good reputation in cyberspace, and untold legions of fans are happily using it around the globe. Years ago, I installed VLC on an old computer when the clunky antiquated operating system couldn't make heads or tails out of Windows Media Player, which was a handy solution for me, and I didn't have any trouble with it. But yesterday I noticed it demonstrated a very peculiar maneuver, when I accidentally selected a second audio file when VLC was already playing one from the same playlist. Unlike the Windows version, which will stop playing the first one once you click on another one, VLC is delighted to go right ahead and play both songs at the same time, and to the improvement of neither, I can tell you that. In fact, I now have every reason to think that VLC will play as many music files as you choose, all at the same time and at full throttle, with reckless disregard for genre, time signatures, or listeners' eardrums, I dare say. So if you want to mix polka music with heavy metal, or big band with hip hop, VLC is definitely the program for you. Just don't tell the buglers, please. Meanwhile in the wide world of sports (at least for anybody who hasn't been living under a rock for the last two weeks) there's the Olympic games in Rio, where there has been no lack of physical mastery, speed, grace, strength, teamwork, good luck, bad luck, Cinderella stories, excellent sportsmanship, terrible manners, euphoria, despair, and every manner of melodrama, from the ancient Greek tragedies to the futuristic sci-fi thrillers, all under the microscope of media hoopla. (Synchronized media hoopla is a new sport that's just been added to the Olympics, and personally, my money's on The Daily Planet.) Here we had our own athletic drama on the local scene, as the hometown faithful had a chance to cheer on their heroes in yet another subway series at the beginning of the month, with each side hoping for Joy in Mudville, and some significant momentum to build on. In the end, the junior franchise split four games with Da Bombers, with 2 games played at Citi Field, and then 2 at the erstwhile House That Ruth Built in the Bronx, featuring a real see-saw of lopsided scores, and certainly not the finest moments for either team. At least the Amazin's came out of it at 56-52 and still in the thick of the Wild Card chase, and although the struggling Yanks didn't lose much ground, they remained mired in 4th place and 8 games out in their division. The difference between the two clubs was dramatic at the trade deadline, where the Mets made a bunch of high-profile acquisitions to bolster their run for the playoffs, while the Yankees essentially threw in the towel, indulged in some (perhaps much-needed) housecleaning, and bid farewell to several high-paid veterans in exchange for an exciting batch of strapping young prospects. A cursory look at the standings will show Texas running away with it in the American League, and the surprising Cubbies still on fire in the National League, with so far no actual pennant races to speak of (except in the AL East and NL West) where most of the division leaders already have a commanding lead over their nearest rivals. It remains to be seen if the standings tighten up at all down the stretch, with 40 games left, and for those of us who bleed Mets blue, at least the dratted Royals will be missing from the post-season, which is already an improvement over last year, by golly. I'm thinking this might be a good time for them to try out for synchronized media hoopla instead, so remember you heard it here first, folks! At our house, we file this kind of thing under the category of "This is Why the Terrorists Hate Us," and no wonder. As a result of widespread TV commercials and online pop-up ads, it's extremely easy to find out that our friends at Cottonelle want us to know that we can sign up for automatic delivery of their products - so that we can relax without worry and never run the risk of running out, no matter how disorganized, busy, or forgetful we may be. (!!!) (???) Seriously? Let's face it, this is toilet paper we're talking about here, folks, it's hardly diabetic supplies or cardiac medications, for heaven's sake. What's next - automatic deliveries of hair color before the ladies' roots begin to show, or a pre-determined schedule to keep fellows from running out of cologne, or why not catnip mice and rawhide chews for the family pets while we're at it. Honestly, sometimes you just don't know whether to laugh or cry, and frankly, at times like this, wailing and gnashing of teeth might not be out of the question either, I don't mind saying. Unfortunately, I can't spare the time for that right now, because The Daily Planet just called and I have to go help them practice their synchronized media hoopla. Say, who let those buglers in here? Elle