The Oldest Profession
Hello World,
Happy May Day! We also join with our Greek Orthodox brothers and sisters, for whom this Sunday will be Easter, at long last, and I don't mind saying, not a moment too soon. Because before the week is over, we'll be staring down both barrels of yet another ethnic festival, yes, the ever-popular Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Mira, mi amigo, mas cuervos por todos!
I'm sure that everyone will be relieved to hear that our HIPAA guru at work returned to her post, and none the worse for wear, and called me back about that mystery question on the mandatory education lessons. It was a little unnerving when she said that the course already had an eleven per cent completion rate (which translates to over 160 people out of our total staff) and I was the only person who called to ask about it, since it was so obviously wrong. She said that people had consistently gotten the answer right, which only works if you read the question wrong to start with. She said she would fix it, so the answer that was already the right one would actually match up with the question being asked. And you know what I say, not a moment too soon.
Also at work, I found myself on the receiving end of a phone call from a colleague at the Greater New York Hospitals Association, with the unlikely name of Baboo Tatoori, which sounds to me like a planet from "Star Wars" where the Evil Empire is hiding their attack clones from the Jedi. He said he was calling me about the schedule of "e-source registration and training classes" for our buyers. (CAUTION: You must be a trained professional to utilize this degree of incomprehensible gibberish. Do NOT attempt this yourself at home.) When I told Bill about my new friend Baboo, he quipped, "I am surely in the guessing that Baboo in this country short distance has been, abling him to assembling such importad hospital teaching materials with great effectivity." I don't doubt it.
Of course, the big news for the week was on Wednesday, when the clerical world resounds with cheers for Administrative Professionals Day, and a good thing, too. People with long memories may remember this fondly as Secretary's Day, and wonder what the heck happened to it, but I'm sure all of us secretaries are happy to share our day with the rest of the administrative professionals out there, no matter what they want to call themselves. The tireless staff at our local Chamber of Commerce puts on a shindig every year for the local businesses to send their secretaries and managers, and this year was no different. Although the day started out inclement, I've noticed that it never rains on the secretaries, and sure enough, it had cleared up by the time we went to the luncheon. There are usually between 200-300 people, with the largest turnout being from the hospital, City Hall, the police and fire departments, the school system and the local banks. The event starts with cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, before moving on to boring speeches by the Mayor, City Council members, County legislators, State senators and other community leaders. You would think it would be impossible for them to keep churning out these boring speeches, year after year after year, but apparently that is not the case. After that, they hand out plaques, and read proclamations, and award scholarships for deserving recipients from youth organizations, senior centers, or charitable groups, and they invariably come prepared with boring speeches of their own. Finally, the time comes for the important parts of the event, which are lunch and raffle prizes.
I'm sure that everyone is aware that I am a well-known jinx, and the luncheon organizers have to keep moving me to different tables from year to year, because my bad luck at winning raffle prizes is usually contagious and afflicts everyone else at whatever table I'm sitting. This year was a surprising departure, as the other lucky people at my table rubbed off on me, rather than vice versa, and for once, they caused me to win instead of me causing them to lose. I had filled out my raffle tickets in other people's names, and ended up winning three nice gifts for some of my co-workers. That was certainly a first, and most likely a last besides, I wouldn't doubt. I also announced when I sat down with my hapless table mates that I always seem to sit at the table that is served last throughout the day, at every course, from fruit cup and salad, right through to cake and coffee. Here again, we were in for a pleasant surprise, because the country club staff swarmed over the banquet hall like a plague of locusts, and seemingly managed to serve 300 people at 30 tables all at the same time. I've never seen that happen at one of these luncheons before, and the speed and efficiency of it was a thing to behold. A person might almost think that - gasp! - there were professionals running this thing.
Of course, one thing that never changes at the erstwhile Secretary's Day luncheon, from year to year, and no matter where it's held, the one thing that they can never seem to get a handle on is the sound system. There's a podium with a microphone, and the room has speakers in the ceiling, so you think this is going to work, but it never does. When people speak into the microphone, it doesn't pick up their voices. When they move closer to it, it gives off a loud buzzing noise. If they pick up the microphone in their hands, the speakers all hum. It's like this every year and at every place we go. Only the people right in front of the podium can understand what's being said, although in the case of boring speeches, I would have to say that's no great loss. When they announce the winners of the raffle prizes, it sort of ripples through the room by word of mouth from table to table, starting out as, say, "Janice Nelson from Sound Shore" at the podium, becoming "Paris Hilton from Downtown" by the middle tables, and finally "Elvis Presley from Hound Dog" at the back of the room. If Paris or Elvis ever show up at one of these clambakes, they could end up winning a lot of prizes.
One thing that happened recently at work is that they switched to a new HIPAA-compliant email provider for the hospital servers. Since then, I've noticed an alarming increase in the amount of virus warning dialog boxes that get tossed up on my computer screen throughout the day, alerting us that the virus protection software is doing its job of preventing suspicious email and infected attachments from reaching our terminals. I see this as a sure sign of the economy picking up, that the hackers and spammers are out there in full force, and tireless in their efforts to get our attention. This must be a good thing, and shows faith in the strength of the marketplace. After all, these people are professionals, and they ought to know.
Happy May Day! We also join with our Greek Orthodox brothers and sisters, for whom this Sunday will be Easter, at long last, and I don't mind saying, not a moment too soon. Because before the week is over, we'll be staring down both barrels of yet another ethnic festival, yes, the ever-popular Cinco de Mayo on Thursday. Mira, mi amigo, mas cuervos por todos!
I'm sure that everyone will be relieved to hear that our HIPAA guru at work returned to her post, and none the worse for wear, and called me back about that mystery question on the mandatory education lessons. It was a little unnerving when she said that the course already had an eleven per cent completion rate (which translates to over 160 people out of our total staff) and I was the only person who called to ask about it, since it was so obviously wrong. She said that people had consistently gotten the answer right, which only works if you read the question wrong to start with. She said she would fix it, so the answer that was already the right one would actually match up with the question being asked. And you know what I say, not a moment too soon.
Also at work, I found myself on the receiving end of a phone call from a colleague at the Greater New York Hospitals Association, with the unlikely name of Baboo Tatoori, which sounds to me like a planet from "Star Wars" where the Evil Empire is hiding their attack clones from the Jedi. He said he was calling me about the schedule of "e-source registration and training classes" for our buyers. (CAUTION: You must be a trained professional to utilize this degree of incomprehensible gibberish. Do NOT attempt this yourself at home.) When I told Bill about my new friend Baboo, he quipped, "I am surely in the guessing that Baboo in this country short distance has been, abling him to assembling such importad hospital teaching materials with great effectivity." I don't doubt it.
Of course, the big news for the week was on Wednesday, when the clerical world resounds with cheers for Administrative Professionals Day, and a good thing, too. People with long memories may remember this fondly as Secretary's Day, and wonder what the heck happened to it, but I'm sure all of us secretaries are happy to share our day with the rest of the administrative professionals out there, no matter what they want to call themselves. The tireless staff at our local Chamber of Commerce puts on a shindig every year for the local businesses to send their secretaries and managers, and this year was no different. Although the day started out inclement, I've noticed that it never rains on the secretaries, and sure enough, it had cleared up by the time we went to the luncheon. There are usually between 200-300 people, with the largest turnout being from the hospital, City Hall, the police and fire departments, the school system and the local banks. The event starts with cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, before moving on to boring speeches by the Mayor, City Council members, County legislators, State senators and other community leaders. You would think it would be impossible for them to keep churning out these boring speeches, year after year after year, but apparently that is not the case. After that, they hand out plaques, and read proclamations, and award scholarships for deserving recipients from youth organizations, senior centers, or charitable groups, and they invariably come prepared with boring speeches of their own. Finally, the time comes for the important parts of the event, which are lunch and raffle prizes.
I'm sure that everyone is aware that I am a well-known jinx, and the luncheon organizers have to keep moving me to different tables from year to year, because my bad luck at winning raffle prizes is usually contagious and afflicts everyone else at whatever table I'm sitting. This year was a surprising departure, as the other lucky people at my table rubbed off on me, rather than vice versa, and for once, they caused me to win instead of me causing them to lose. I had filled out my raffle tickets in other people's names, and ended up winning three nice gifts for some of my co-workers. That was certainly a first, and most likely a last besides, I wouldn't doubt. I also announced when I sat down with my hapless table mates that I always seem to sit at the table that is served last throughout the day, at every course, from fruit cup and salad, right through to cake and coffee. Here again, we were in for a pleasant surprise, because the country club staff swarmed over the banquet hall like a plague of locusts, and seemingly managed to serve 300 people at 30 tables all at the same time. I've never seen that happen at one of these luncheons before, and the speed and efficiency of it was a thing to behold. A person might almost think that - gasp! - there were professionals running this thing.
Of course, one thing that never changes at the erstwhile Secretary's Day luncheon, from year to year, and no matter where it's held, the one thing that they can never seem to get a handle on is the sound system. There's a podium with a microphone, and the room has speakers in the ceiling, so you think this is going to work, but it never does. When people speak into the microphone, it doesn't pick up their voices. When they move closer to it, it gives off a loud buzzing noise. If they pick up the microphone in their hands, the speakers all hum. It's like this every year and at every place we go. Only the people right in front of the podium can understand what's being said, although in the case of boring speeches, I would have to say that's no great loss. When they announce the winners of the raffle prizes, it sort of ripples through the room by word of mouth from table to table, starting out as, say, "Janice Nelson from Sound Shore" at the podium, becoming "Paris Hilton from Downtown" by the middle tables, and finally "Elvis Presley from Hound Dog" at the back of the room. If Paris or Elvis ever show up at one of these clambakes, they could end up winning a lot of prizes.
One thing that happened recently at work is that they switched to a new HIPAA-compliant email provider for the hospital servers. Since then, I've noticed an alarming increase in the amount of virus warning dialog boxes that get tossed up on my computer screen throughout the day, alerting us that the virus protection software is doing its job of preventing suspicious email and infected attachments from reaching our terminals. I see this as a sure sign of the economy picking up, that the hackers and spammers are out there in full force, and tireless in their efforts to get our attention. This must be a good thing, and shows faith in the strength of the marketplace. After all, these people are professionals, and they ought to know.
posted by El Tango Fandango @ 6:51 PM
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