Trick Pitch

Hello World, Happy mostly post-ghosties! It's true that Halloween came and went on Monday, and the witches and monsters right along with it, so that means that after Election Day, there won't be anything scary left to terrify people with around here. (Oh, hit that easy target!) Normally, this is where I would be saying, "With the holiday starting the week off with a bang on Monday, and the weather unusually fine, I had high hopes for a big turnout, blah and blah and blah ..... " but I've reluctantly come to accept the fact that our glory days are behind us, and we will never again see the 100+ numbers from those halcyon days of yore twenty years ago, alas. But we continue to make do with what we have, and be satisfied with that, and no crying into our candy corn and skeletons, by ghoul-y. It did turn out to be a beautiful day here, clear and crisp, which I figured would be ideal conditions for costume-wearing travelers on their evening excursions. It all started here with 2 toddlers at the stroke of 6:00 PM, but it took until 6:30 to get another two trick-or-treaters. At that rate, I was afraid that I was going to be in for a long night of it, and boring besides. Luckily, it began to pick up around 7:00, and they came in bunches as they do nowadays, with either parents or adult chaperones for each group. Personally, I find it very telling that the grown-ups invariably come around dressed in costumes in their supervisory capacity, which tends to make me wonder just exactly who the holiday is really for, after all. I also started to wonder if I'm not getting too old for all of this tomfoolery (perish the thought!) when I realized after about 20 callers, more than half of the costumes were completely unknown to me. Even after I asked them what they were trying to be, I still had no idea what it all meant. (Paw Patrol? Sofia the First?? Pokemon Jigglypuff??? I mean, really! Whatever happened to cowboys, ballerinas, and hoboes?!) They might as well have said, "Bloorgety-bloorg-bloorg from Dipsey-doodle-dee-doo" for all I understood what they were talking about. Having said that, however, I will say that this was one of the most entertaining years I can remember, where a lot of thought was put into their creations, and even the most rudimentary or trite costumes were presented with an infectious enthusiasm that made it all a lot more fun all around. By around 8:00 PM, I started to see packs of urban youth, who were having a wild time of it, by all appearances, and some in the funniest costumes - such as a giant Care Bear (you wouldn't think they would even MAKE an adult Care Bear costume, for heaven's sake) and the patient from the board game "Operation." (OUCH!) One young lady told me she was Janet Jackson, and I greeted this news with a shout of: "REPRESENT!" which I understand is something that the young people say nowadays, and it so tickled the crowd, I was afraid they were going to fall off the porch laughing. Speaking of laughing, it may be politically incorrect to mention, but when a young lad of color came to the door dressed as a ninja, complete with black-face camouflage on top of his already Nubian features, I admit that I laughed in spite of myself. Also speaking of politics, I was surprised there were no Hillary Clintons or Donald Trumps drumming up candy in our neighborhood, when the prevailing wisdom was that this would be the costume of choice this time around. And I can't say that she necessarily has a future in politics, but the most articulate youngster of the evening was a small girl who stood before me holding a dagger, wearing bulky (plastic) chains, and splashed with (fake) blood all over her outfit, so when I asked her what her costume was attempting to convey, she stated very matter-of-factly: "Well, to make a long story short, I am a creepy child." So there you have it, spook fans, a modern miss who doesn't pull any punches and isn't afraid to tell it like it is. In the end we had a total of 54 callers, which compares favorably with the previous 5 years when we saw 49, 42, 56, 50, and 0 for Hurricane Sandy in 2012. There was no break-out costume this year, unlike previously, when Elsa from "Frozen" was all the rage. There were 2 witches, 2 zombies, 3 ninjas, 4 princesses, and 6 superheroes. Harry Potter, Jason, and Freddy Kruger showed up, as well as a puppy, cat, mouse, monkey, cheetah, giraffe, and not one, but two Cats in the Hat. I had a vampire hunter, a nerd, a baby, Alice in Wonderland, Evie from "Descendants," Connor from "Assassins Creed," and an Imperial Storm Trooper from "Star Wars." I thought it was beautiful weather and didn't seem a bit chilly to me, but after a while I did notice that all of the superheroes were wearing coats (and I don't mind saying, it's a real challenge to distinguish Iron Man from Supergirl from Batman like that, I can tell you) and one poor shivering cheerleader had earmuffs, so I'm guessing it must have been a lot colder out than I supposed. It was all over by 8:30 PM, which I thought was early, especially considering that it was a very clear and calm night, but that seems to be the way of things in the present day, compared to when our old friends the dinosaurs and I roamed the vast unformed land masses in the primordial ooze. I was sorry to pack away the decorations for another year, but it was fun while it lasted, and I have no complaints about left-over fun-size candy bars, so that might be my favorite part right there. Actually, for my absolute favorite Halloween story this year, I can only tip my cap and thank the wonderful wide world of entertainment, as odd as that might seem. Alert viewers may be aware that Kevin James has a new TV show, as a retired Police Officer living in the suburbs of Massapequa, which I'm pretty sure was chosen because it is right on the border between Nassau and Suffolk counties. In fact, Long Island is practically its own character on the show, with place names or local landmarks liberally peppered into every episode, and the lead character's wardrobe consisting almost entirely of T-shirts from area sports teams, businesses, or tourist attractions. (Jones Beach, anyone?) Last week was their Halloween episode, featuring an innovative idea that was news to me, called Trunk-or-Treat, where people dress in costumes and bring their vehicles to a vacant parking lot, then open their trunks or tailgates to youngsters who pick their treats out of this confectionery bonanza. It actually makes a lot of sense, if you think about it, bringing the candy and the kids together in one place, rather than wandering around the dark streets at night and knocking on doors. One participant at the event was such an atrocious actor (and not hired for his movie-star good looks, either) that he went way beyond "Producer's-Nephew" bad - our usual benchmark of thespian ineptitude - into "Some Fan Won a Contest" bad, a whole new category I just invented to describe the level of incompetence. So you can imagine my surprise later when the credits came up after the show, only to reveal the woeful performer as none other than the Mets' ace fire-baller, Noah Syndergaard, no doubt thrilling sports and comedy fans alike with his off-beat cameo. In retrospect, it was the Viking costume that should have tipped me off, but I admit it was a swing and a miss on my part, and it turned out the laugh was on me. I thought that was so funny. Certainly beat the heck out of Trump and Hillary, although Bloorgety-bloorg-bloorg from Dipsey-doodle-dee-doo would probably give him a run for his money, if it came to that. Elle