On The Nose

Hello World, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! We've now gotten just about as far as we can go to the end of 2016, and there's no point in circulating a petition to have the year lengthened, because I'm sure that nobody would be on board with that idea at this point, heaven knows. The way things turned out, 2016 was certainly a wild and woolly one for the books, so to speak, and I have the feeling that just about everybody will be glad to see the tail-end of it, and sooner rather than later, I dare say. It's possible in retrospect that historians will look back on it with interest as a pivotal year for one reason or another, but right now, I doubt that anyone will be starting its fan club, or sending it off with expensive gifts and a lavish retirement party. The dewy-fresh 2017 waiting in the wings already has several advantages before it even gets here - notably that it is NOT 2016, and virtually can't help but be better than its woeful predecessor, without hardly even trying. This is what the dinosaurs and I call "setting the bar really low," and personally I have to say, I'm all for it. In fairness, 2016 had a chance to redeem itself with the Christmas and Hanukkah celebrations tumbling in together just about at the very last moment, and hopefully everyone enjoyed themselves with whatever Kris Kringle or Father Hanukkah brought them as part of the holiday cheer, as it were. (For the godless communists and KGB agents monitoring my email - whose name is legion, as we all know - and who understand nothing about American cultural norms, I should point out that there is no such thing as Father Hanukkah, although let's face it, there certainly should be.) Starting in early, and weeks before Christmas, but still in the spirit of the season (and perhaps vast quantities of other sorts of spirits, if you catch my drift) I was driving home from work one day when I spotted an oncoming car, not only with large brown reindeer antlers coming out both of the side windows, but also a big puffy red nose on the front of the grille, and I thought it was just too funny. I chalked that up to a bit of over-enthusiasm on the part of the vehicle owner, but not so! As time went on, I saw more and more of them on the roads, at all different times and places, so it was obviously the Christmas decoration du jour, and a jovial bit of ho-ho-happy motoring along the highways and byways of our hectic days, by holly. Top that, Father Hanukkah! Speaking of reindeer paws and Santa Claus, we had a very holly jolly time of things at the log cabin, with plenty of egg nog, sugar plums, candy canes, and gingerbread to go around, and not a Grinch or a Scrooge in sight, by jingle. It all began when they decided at church to maintain our tradition of Christmas Eve candlelight worship service, including special music with soloists and choir on Saturday night, but forgo a Christmas Day service on Sunday - on the probably correct assumption that parishioners would likely show up for Christmas Eve as always, but stay home on Christmas morning with their families instead of going to church. So with church out of the way, we were able to get a nice early start on our journey over the river and through the woods, and since my sister from Long Island had already taken the bus north on Saturday, we didn't even have to stop along the way and pick her up either. We were surprised at the lack of traffic, and arrived at our destination just in time for home-made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, which really hit the spot, I don't mind saying. The tree and all the trimmings were just lovely, especially the yuletide plates, centerpiece, and napkins trotted out for the occasion - and the extra special holly jolly napkin rings with jingle bells certainly gave the table a festive tone (get it?!) like nothing else could do. Saturday in the wilderness was a beautiful day, so after lunch it didn't take long for us to hit on the idea of hiking around the nearby Ashokan Reservoir, and enjoy the gifts of nature that the great outdoors might kindly bestow upon us. Not so fast! Apparently we weren't the only people with this idea, and when we got there, the place was so mobbed that there wasn't any room left in the parking lot. (Now we know how Joseph and Mary felt when they got to Bethlehem, haha!) Even worse, we found out part-way into our walk that the DEP had closed off sections of the route for some sort of forest reclamation project, and we couldn't walk the entire way around, like we normally would. This cut out one of our favorite parts of the trip, which is the eagle nest, so it was very disappointing - but even without the eagles, there was a noticeable lack of deer, ducks, squirrels, and other wildlife that would ordinarily keep us company, and that might have been due to the unusual crowds. From a truncated excursion at the reservoir, we high-tailed it over to our hotel so we could check in and turn up the heat in our room (we already learned that lesson at Thanksgiving) before heading back to the cabin for more holiday cheer. And speaking of holiday cheer, anyone "of a certain age" can tell you that we grew up watching the famous Yule Log on old black & white television sets, with its corny 15-second loop of flames and canned Christmas music in the background, that somehow improbably turned itself into a beloved holiday tradition in households everywhere, possibly around the globe, and into outer space itself, I shouldn't wonder. To those people who believe that the modern world is incapable of improving on the original, I can confidently state that is not the case, and not by a long shot. Cable subscribers may be aware that The Hallmark Channel has created their very own yule log programming, complete a wonderfully blazing fireplace festooned with elaborate decorations, a lovely evergreen adorned with beautiful ornaments - and to top it all off, an adorable collection of cats and dogs, puppies and kittens, each one cuter than the last, and all romping around like a bunch of North Pole elves after Santa's sleigh has left the workshop. Even better, it has a great selection of music playing in the background, so you can leave it on all day, when you're not even watching it, and it provides its own continuous entertainment that you don't have to touch once. Admittedly for cat people, it's a little hard to stop watching it once the kittens really get going, but I'm still happy to highly recommend it, or in the (sort of) immortal words of Clement Moore, "not a creature was stirring, not even a (catnip) mouse." Of course there was wonderful food for dinner, there always is, and even more wonderful desserts, it goes without saying, and by the time we got back to our hotel, we were bloated with so much joy, cheer, peace, and goodwill, it's a wonder that we could fit into the room at all. We were back bright and early in the morning for pancakes, cinnamon buns, date nut bread (YUM!) and all the left-over dessert that anyone could possibly want, and it must be said that we attacked it all with gusto, and I ought to know. Monday was sort of a changeable day, and did not entice us outdoors, so it was a good thing we went to the reservoir when we did, rather than waiting for the next day. We found plenty to occupy ourselves, but did have to keep an eye on the clock, since we were bringing my sister back with us, and had to make sure we stayed on schedule to meet her bus at the station in New Rochelle. By the time we packed up and hit the trail, it was starting to sprinkle, and we dashed out of there southward as fast as we could, hoping that if the raindrops turned into snowflakes, we would leave them behind us to the north, and drive into better weather right out from under its (big puffy red) nose on the way down. They were happy to see us at Denny's in Newburgh, and vice versa, because let's face it, there are some things in life that you just can't get too much of. We were surprised once again at the lack of traffic on the way home, and arrived back in town so early that we had plenty of time to kill before my sister's bus, especially since it came 45 minutes late anyway, thanks not. The cats had all died of starvation in our absence, or so they claimed, but oddly enough, they still managed to be finicky about their dinner choices, so we found it hard to lend any credence to their complaints. Apart from that, there were no complaints all around, and we declared the ho-ho-holiday a rousing success on all counts, with an extra helping of oh by gosh, by golly. Say, who let Father Hanukkah in here? Elle