Off The Wagon

Hello World, And so here we are, just getting around to wishing everyone a very happy April, and it's already time for Palm Sunday on top of everything else. Of course, as everyone knows, except the godless Communists and KGB agents monitoring my email (whose name is legion, heaven knows) Palm Sunday wraps up the season of Lent in a big way, and ushers in Holy Week with Maundy Thursday and Good Friday riding its proverbial coat-tails to boot. Easter is right around the corner - although it seems impossible to believe that now, with stores awash with bunnies, eggs, and baskets since January, after all. Also hard on the heels of Palm Sunday is Passover beginning on Monday, another slippery character among movable feasts that you can never be sure where it's going to turn up next. Earlier in this week, diehard fans in the throes of winter-weary doldrums were finally greeted with all the pomp and ceremony of Opening Day festivities in major league cities all across the country, and while half of them were disappointed at the outcome, there's still plenty of baseball ahead for everyone to enjoy. The teams have only been playing since Sunday, and so far the Orioles have been running away with it in the AL East, going 4-0 to start with. I just love first-week results, if only for their entertainment value in comparison to the standings later in the year over the course of more games played. It should remind us all to be wary of statistics based on a tiny sample size, because there's a good chance it won't prove to be a representative example over the long haul. Of course, the possibility exists that Baltimore will go undefeated this year, and wind up the season at a perfect 162-0, and for anyone who believes that, please contact me right away, because I have a bridge for sale that would be right up your alley, by George. In other local news, I'm happy to report that I was able to get an appointment from the cornea center for the laser treatment last week on my other eye, and I don't mind saying, better late than never. Unlike the first time around, this whole process had more bumps in the road that I was expecting based on past experience - especially in terms of pain and swelling, and was in no way an improvement over the first one, I can tell you that. But little by little, the drawbacks are subsiding and the advantages are pulling to the forefront, so I'm looking forward to a positive and steady recovery, and a nicely enhanced outcome when all is said and done. Having worn glasses for distance since I was 8 years old, it's really going to be a brave new world out there, all these decades later, actually being able to see clearly through both eyes at the same time, basically for the first time in my life. Frankly, at this point, I don't want to be disappointed, so everybody out there in the wide world had better spruce up and look their best, thank you very much. Speaking of things you don't necessarily expect to see, I found myself coming home from work last week behind what appeared to be a standard-looking Mercedes Benz, all solid black, shiny and new. Because we were stopped at a traffic light, I looked at it more closely, and found myself remarking involuntarily, "They can't possibly be calling that thing a BRABUS." (???) (!!!) BRABUS??? How do you sell a car in this country and call it a BRABUS? What's next - the PANTYVAN? The GIRDLECOUPE?? The BOXERWAGON??? I mean, really, folks. Here's what our friends at wikipedia have to say about it ========================== BRABUS GmbH, founded 1977 by Bodo Buschmann and Klaus Brackman in Bottrop (Ruhr Area), Germany, is a high-performance aftermarket tuning company which specializes in Mercedes-Benz, Smart, and Maybach vehicles. Brabus became the largest Mercedes tuner, other than Mercedes-AMG which became a DaimlerChrysler affiliate in the 1990s. ========================== Well, now, that's just about as clear as mud, thanks not, and certainly does nothing to address the question of cars driving around named after underwear for all the world to see. Hey, I didn't get my eyes fixed for this, you know. A normal person would be forgiven for presuming that would be all of our vehicular news for the week and leave it at that. Not so fast! Recently, some of the neighbors banded together in support of a parochial school project collecting non-perishable groceries for the local food pantry, and they sent out a broadcast email asking the rest of us for our contributions of additional help, canned goods, and little red wagons to carry them off with. Based on the voluminous replies among the residents, it would appear that every single household in the entire neighborhood, ours included, has a little red wagon in their possession - which in this day and age has to tell you something right there, and probably sets some kind of record for vintage appurtenances from a bygone era, I dare say. Meanwhile, in more contemporary news, alert readers may have noticed reports on Facebook about a new robot that has been developed which can mow the lawn, rake leaves, and shovel snow - rather than just performing parlor tricks like climbing stairs or serving a cold brewski to your friends. Well, all I have to say about that is, sign me up! Our friends at www.forbes.com, not in the least deterred by the $4,000.00 price tag, explain it this way: =========================== If mowing the grass, raking the leaves and especially shoveling snow aren't leisure-time activities you look forward to, relief is on the horizon. A robot named Kobi will do all of these things for you because yard work is so last year. Kobi is an autonomous electric-powered robot (like a Roomba) that comes with attachments for grass cutting, leaf blowing and snow shoveling. The robot is equipped with what the manufacturer calls a high-end GPS and several positioning sensors that feed it information about where it is, obstacles in its path and the height of the ground under the unit. You walk it around the perimeter of your yard so it can learn the boundaries of your property, guide it around permanent obstacles like trees, and show it where to dump leaves and grass. Kobi has bluetooth, WiFi and mobile data connectivity. You communicate with it through a mobile phone app that allows you to set times when it can and can't work. Because Kobi receives weather reports, it gets to work when the snow starts and continually clears your driveway while it's snowing rather than waiting until a large amount of snow has accumulated. =========================== Also climbing on board the Kobi bandwagon, the folks at www.money.cnn.com hasten to assure us that once the robot has been programmed to recognize "the perimeter of the lawn, it won't accidentally destroy someone's prized rose bush or start roaming the neighborhood." Obviously these people have not seen enough sci-fi movies of robots running amok and taking over the world, or they would realize that the bigger concern would be if the Kobi can use all of its various mobile connectivity to put it in touch with those parlor trick robots to bring over a bunch of beers, so they can all hang out and get hammered, rather than doing any actual work. After that, it's just a matter of time before they call Mercedes Benz and request a PANTYVAN, and by that point, well, all bets are off. Elle