Another One Bites The Dust

Hail to the Chief! In the immortal words of the late Rodney Dangerfield (you youngsters can go ahead and ask your grandparents about that) "I don't get no respect, no respect at all!" Just when you get to start thinking that being President of the United States is a big deal, you find out that as many as 12 states in this country don't actually observe Presidents Day as a holiday in the first place, by George. Personally, I find the connotations of that should give us all plenty to think about, on several levels, many of them more than a little disturbing, in fact. I've had plenty of time to ruminate as I've been recuperating in sick bay for the last few weeks, clawing my way back into human likeness after a dental emergency caused life to become very much not worth living, and making the therapeutic benefits of hallucinogenic drugs seem positively delightful by comparison. Obviously, nobody wants to hear about my tooth problems, so I'm taking a page out of the Internet annals of Punk Walrus, and his own tooth problems, because at least his commentary has a punch line, which mine has yet to develop, thanks not. And I think it goes without saying, once again, thanks ever so very much not. ========================== I was poor, and the only dentists on our plan were those revolving-door-style clinics where bad dentists go to die. During a "routine scaling," where an angry lady in her 50's actually straddled my chair to dig into my gums, a filling cracked. So then they had to do more work, and finally, some $800 later, I had a crown. Then the crown got infected. It didn't happen right away, it happened about 6 months later. Long story short, the infection abscessed about an inch into my jaw. When the pain became excruciating, it was a weekend, and we finally found a surgical dentist far away who could make it. His anesthesiologist didn't show, so he had to do all the work without pain killers. The pain I felt was beyond any scale I had ever felt before. To his credit, he was a really nice guy, and was very patient and kept apologizing for how painful it was. I was openly screaming, I bit through two mouth guards, nearly severed the dentist's finger (but he was quick), and peeled off the metal armrest from his chair, popping two rivets (I had to pay for that). I had some kind of inhuman strength. For about a day, I lived through a shadowy existence like a torture victim. I apparently tried to kill myself, too, so they tell me, because all I remember was sort of sleeping a lot, and then waking up in a dark room. I didn't see a dentist again for 5 years. Even when I was hit in the face with a ladder and broke four molars. I finally had to see one when I had another infection, and this led to four root canals because I waited so long. My face was swollen like a melon for days, and sometimes my tongue would swell up and shut off the back of my mouth. Never wait. Ever. P.S. - What made it funny was that week was my first week as an ISP tech. My mouth was so swollen that I was saying stuff to the patients like: "Fank oo for cowwing, may I haff oo phone mummer ftarting wiff oo awea code, pweaff?" I can imagine some customers must have thought, "Aw... they hire the handicapped... isn't that sweet..."