On Thin Ice

Hello World, Happy Earth Day! Saturday would be the time to do your ecologically-correct part for the environment, show Planet Earth some much needed love, and generally treat Mother Nature with the same care and respect as you would for your very own mother, as we all should, I dare say. After all, she has certainly pulled out all the stops so far when it comes to spring flowers, and everywhere you look, you see her busy hands at work in painterly landscapes that cannot fail to delight all of our senses. Our white anemone and creeping phlox have clothed the ratty driveway in floral splendor, while the grape hyacinths and money plants have joined the profusion of violets in turning the lawn into a veritable purple paradise. Early tulips have popped open, cheery star flowers have brightened up even the dreariest corners, and overhead, the stately magnolia is showering us with its creamy pink and white blossoms. And yes, not to mention, sunny dandelions all over the yard, giving our resident bees something to buzz about, and glad of it. You've got to give the old gal credit, she's still got it, in spades - especially considering that she is, I hate to point out, older than dirt, and I ought to know. Meanwhile, the playoffs continue apace for hoops and hockey fans alike, tantalizing their followers in more than two dozen cities across the hemisphere as diverse as Atlanta, Calgary, Cleveland, Edmonton, Houston, Indianapolis, Los Angeles, Memphis, Milwaukee, Montreal, New York, Oklahoma City, Portland, San Antonio, San Jose, and St. Louis, or their environs. Since the hockey playoffs started first, a few teams who swept their hapless opponents out of the first round (the Ducks of Anaheim, Nashville Predators, and Pittsburgh Penguins) have already advanced to the second round, and just waiting for the rest of the first-round contests to be decided. Mind you, it must be said that there are some unlucky fans in two-sport cities - such as Boston, Chicago, Toronto, and even Washington DC - who could potentially see both of their teams lose, on two different types of surfaces, basically at the same time, alas. All that matters in our house is that the Rangers squeaked into the playoffs with no room to spare, and are so far holding their own against the Canadiens, but as they say, "It ain't over 'til it's over," so it remains to be seen if they can pull it off in the end. The second round would bring them up against either Ottawa or Boston, and that would be no walk in the park either, I can tell you that. Where, oh where, is the darned Curse of Affirmed when you really need it? Of course, last Sunday was Easter for the Christian community all over the world, and as usual, the Easter Bunny had his hands full, hopping down the bunny trail and filling jaunty baskets with candy and treats for the young and young-at-heart everywhere. On the home front, we've made a concerted effort to cut down on junk food and trinkets, so the floppy-eared gadabout brought us some lovely plants in their place, and our yard will be improved with some beautiful tulips, more hyacinths (there's no such thing as too many hyacinths, by golly) and a very colorful hydrangea to replace the venerable specimen of Bill's parents, which has since gone the way of all flesh, as it were. We also took the opportunity to visit my sister on Long Island, where lunch at Denny's is always a treat, and this no different. Thus fortified, we set out on what turned into a marathon shopping spree, trying to track down the perfect keyboard for a new computer that was not only an unwelcome surprise at her workplace, but came saddled with an obsolete clunky keyboard that even Thak, before he invented the wheel, would have rejected out of hand. It was interesting going to a variety of electronics stores we had never been to before, as well as retail hubs like Roosevelt Field, which over the course of many decades, has now become completely unrecognizable from my childhood memories of the place, I can tell you that. After hours on the go, we were glad to finally settle down with some pizza for dinner, and there were even some seasonal confections thoughtfully provided by the Easter Bunny that my sister was kind enough to share with us, for all of our efforts on her behalf. We even squeezed in a trip to our old junior high school (they call them "middle" schools now) and a phalanx of officials didn't come flying out to seize us forcibly, so I guess that only goes to prove that their facial-recognition software is on the fritz, and a lucky thing, too. As the immortal Shakespeare derided the engineer who was "hoist with his own petard" in Hamlet, I must admit that I am always quick to poke fun at others for their mixed metaphors and linguistic mis-steps, but it's true that I am also not immune to the occasional faux pas, much as I would prefer to believe otherwise. I actually found myself saying this at work last week, when we were discussing a construction job that was not progressing as smoothly as might be hoped. "Well, anybody could see the handwriting on the wall with this project, and you could tell that was just the tip of the iceberg." (???) Now, I'm happy to report that the person I work with was too polite to laugh, but I could literally hear the elaborate eye rolling from our old friends the dinosaurs in The Peanut Gallery without even trying, not to mention their ill-mannered snickering on top of it all, thanks not. Oh well, I always say, "This is how we know we haven't all died and gone to Heaven, because things are not perfect." In fact, if things were perfect, it would spell the end of my weekly contribution to Internet clutter, because there would be nothing left to say that would be of any interest to anybody - and what our old friends the dinosaurs, the KGB agents monitoring my email, and the evil spirit of Affirmed would find to do with themselves after that, well, I simply have no idea, I'm sure. In any case, I just heard that my junior high school has summoned Thak to come over and fix their facial-recognition software, so I figure that I'd better make myself scarce before he grabs his keyboard and rolls right on over there. Let's face it, there's a reason why people always say, "No good can come of this," and they're usually right. Elle